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What Made You Smile Today?


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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

 

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

 

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

 

What is the speed of darkness?

 

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

 

Did you ever stop and wonder......

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze

these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

 

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Stop singing and read on......

 

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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I agree karma always will out as they say xx

 

Me three :-)

 

 

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

 

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

 

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

 

What is the speed of darkness?

 

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

 

Did you ever stop and wonder......

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze

these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

 

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Stop singing and read on......

 

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 

This post really made me smile, thank you Conniff :lol:

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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Sitting having lunch inside rather than out as we'd planned as it was so windy, when we saw a woman get out of a car and as she walked towards the restaurant her skirt blew up to almost her ears :lol: At least she had a good pair of pins on her!

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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That's very Naughty. . . .

 

I bet he was looking forward to that later. . .

WARNING TO ALL

Please be aware of acting on advice given by PM .Anyone can make mistakes and if advice is given on the main forum people can see it to correct it ,if given privately then no one can see it to correct it. Please also be aware of giving your personal details to strangers

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Driving home this morning following car towing a small tatty old caravan that had the back customised!

The owners had added the Doctor Who Tardis front door to the back of the caravan!! :D

Keep up the fight against Bank Charges.

 

 

Got Debt problems?

Don't panic, put the kettle on and read this

 

:-) Everything I write comes from my heart and head! The large filling cabinet that is my knowledge of life, however warped that may be!! :-)

 

<<< Please tickle my star!! if I have managed to help you or just made you chuckle!

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I think the entire all round results for the football today has made me smile :whoo:

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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The midlands result! I am not a football supporter but what a nerve wracking couple of hours!

 

OH will be VERY happy!

 

a Wolves fan then!?

 

WMYST - seeing the 'bitter' B'pool boss go down!

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Have just been offered a job! :D

 

This has made me smile! Congratulations my friend! :-D

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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Congratulations Nystagmite.:-D

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Advice & opinions given by Caro are personal, are not endorsed by Consumer Action Group or Bank Action Group, and are offered informally, without prejudice & without liability. Your decisions and actions are your own, and should you be in any doubt, you are advised to seek the opinion of a qualified professional.

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My joiner turned up nice and early! But am going over to what made me swear for the rest of it :lol:

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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