Urgent advice Please! Girlfriends best friend being conned out of Thousands!

[haggis1984]

Hey Caggers, thought the best place for this was here.

 

I'll try to be as brief as possible. My Gf's best friend has been seeing this guy for a few months. She's incredibly quiet and timid, and without going into detail has a history of being exploited. She's 18, but a particularly naive 18. She's perfect fodder for and a**hole to take advantage of. He's an American living in the UK, and regularly goes back to the US for a few weeks at a time.

 

Thus far he's been proven to have lied about his age (he's 30 not 25), his job (Bomb maker for US army....TV/ Magazine critic?!) and his income (These have been substantive lies, not the sort of fibs a guy might tell a girl to impress her). He also lied about not having Facebook, and then made excuses as to why she can't add him. Alas she is infatuated with him and in complete denial.

 

On Saturday she is going to be lending him the best part of £5000 so he can buy a car. This is almost all that remains of her inheritance from her late father, and was going to be used to pay for her uni fees in September. My girlf's tried to talk her out of it, but she's adamant about giving him this money. Is there anything my girlf can do? She's in bits worrying about her friend.

 

Thanks for reading Caggers, hopefully someone can help.

[sillygirl1]

I'd ask to go along as a witness and film everything, then you have proof what is happening, if he messes her around afterwards then you go straight to the police. Sounds like he may be leading a double life.....

[rebel11]

Hi H

 

Acouple of things you could do, maybe 'warn him off', get his folks details and tell him that you will contact them if he doesn't 'buzz' off. Alternatively make sure

a legal contract is drawn up, bear in mind that he's from the States.

[haggis1984]

Thanks guys. She's not letting either me or my girlf go with her when she hands over the cash so no chance of filming.

 

I thought about suggesting a contract Rebel, but as you say him being a foreign national complicates things. My gilf doesn't know exactly where he lives, and her friend is moody now and refusing to give out any more info so don't think I'm going to be able to go have a quiet word either.

[watchinginvestigation2011]

As judge judy would say similar in her court,

 

he sounds like a bum.

 

Probably take the money and run. She needs to ask him if he would mind her being on the title deeds of the car till he pays her back?

[Andy77799]

Can you find anything out on facebook?

 

Google his name? maybe conned many others as well so it may come up with something but probably need more than a name and picture.

[Elliebes]

Sounds like a Gigolo to me. I met a ton of them when I was abroad in Turkey. The situation you are up against is this.

 

1. She thinks her man is different.

2. It will be like trying to extract someone out of a cult.

3. She will justify, rationalise everything to do with this guy that hes genuine.

4. If he is an extortionist then hes very good at the game and will threaten, cajole you name it he will get his hands on that money no matter what.

5. She will learn a hard lesson

6. It will take some time maybe months or even years.for sleeping beauty to wake up.

7. It has to run its course.

8. Hes buried deep in her head and you cant surgically remove him.

 

Hope this is useful.

[haggis1984]

Sounds like a Gigolo to me. I met a ton of them when I was abroad in Turkey. The situation you are up against is this.

 

1. She thinks her man is different.

2. It will be like trying to extract someone out of a cult.

3. She will justify, rationalise everything to do with this guy that hes genuine.

4. If he is an extortionist then hes very good at the game and will threaten, cajole you name it he will get his hands on that money no matter what.

5. She will learn a hard lesson

6. It will take some time maybe months or even years.for sleeping beauty to wake up.

7. It has to run its course.

8. Hes buried deep in her head and you cant surgically remove him.

 

Hope this is useful.

 

I fear you've hit the nail on the head there.

 

No chance of finding his facebook, my girlfs friend is the only one who knows and she's off in a mood now. Looking like she's going to learn a very expensive lesson.

[Andy77799]

print this out and just leave for her to read, if thats the only way, If you spoke it she would ignore, if you leave it then may read when alone.

 

Just write on the bottom... You`re Choice, You`re regrets.

[jackieandwayne]

If you are quick, you could pop along to the cop shop. This girl is a young adult, and sounds vulnerable. There is an older man involved and it would APPEAR he is coercing money out of her. Ask firstly if there is an officer who deals specifically with young adults, if not then is someone available from the DV unit (DV can be mental too). Failing that ask for someone from CID and then sit there until you are seen. Just tell them what the problem is, what your concerns are. If you can get an officer tohave a word with her face to face that may well help the blinkers to drop. Give them as much info as you can about the man. Foir all you know he could be of interest to them anyway.

 

But be warned, this girl will never speak to you again after this. The only other option, which will definitely work, kidnap her, lock her away until Monday. LOL.

 

Good luck, she should be glad she has someone looking out for her. If she must squander 5K, she should at least spend it on herself.

[haggis1984]

If you are quick, you could pop along to the cop shop. This girl is a young adult, and sounds vulnerable. There is an older man involved and it would APPEAR he is coercing money out of her. Ask firstly if there is an officer who deals specifically with young adults, if not then is someone available from the DV unit (DV can be mental too). Failing that ask for someone from CID and then sit there until you are seen. Just tell them what the problem is, what your concerns are. If you can get an officer tohave a word with her face to face that may well help the blinkers to drop. Give them as much info as you can about the man. Foir all you know he could be of interest to them anyway.

 

But be warned, this girl will never speak to you again after this. The only other option, which will definitely work, kidnap her, lock her away until Monday. LOL.

 

Good luck, she should be glad she has someone looking out for her. If she must squander 5K, she should at least spend it on herself.

 

I have thought about going to the police. Problem is that the only person who knows she's going to lend the money is my girlf, so it's going to be my girlf she's ****ed at if the police get involved. Jepordising their friendship isn't my decision to make, so if the police are going to get involved its got to be my girlf who does it. She really doesnt like the idea.

[Andy77799]

Tell GF to tell her to write a cheque for the exact amount for the so called car and payable to who he is buying it off.

Get her to say she will not carry that amount of cash around in case it is one of those car key swap scams.

 

She might go for that one if she can persuade him about the con that happens.

[Elliebes]

My advice is you cant fix her....leave her to learn the hard lesson. I think you also need to take on board what Ive said because youre still thinking you can stop something like this. You cant. Short of tying her up and nailing her feet to the floor she will just become more and more resentful towards you and more and more justified towards him. Women in this kind of situation are DRIVEN. They want to be with the man like an obsession. Its a strong bond an oxytocin bond. Its an addiction. The Gigolo uses this to their advantage. What you could do is make a joke of it and keep putting things about Gigolos her way in a small hope that it might switch a light on in her head but if she is hell bent then no amount of anything will make a difference. Women in this situation need counselling because when hes ripped her off and left her as is their plan only then will she start to question herself and think its her fault that she didnt give him enough.

 

Unfortunately and very sadly this episode will tarnish her for other men in her life.

 

Its the old tell your child not to do something and they deliberately go towards the thing youve told them not to do. We are all like this.

 

Sadly many of my colleagues abroad have been stung in this way. Some have lost businesses and homes and their lives have been devastated by being sucked in by a very clever Gigolo. Its gone beyond a joke now. Gone beyond stories in Take a Break. There is a saying in Turkey....Open head, open heart open legs open purse. Hordes of unsuspecting women go over there and get stung for mobile phones clothes visa passport etc etc...Im only using Turkey as an example of the Gigolo mentality. They are the best in the world for financial extortion from women.

 

There are thousands of them on the internet and on holiday and women should beware.

 

Do yourself a favour and dont concern yourself sbout it or allow this to ruin your relationship or life.

 

If you must then in my opinion there should be leaflets and information given out like any other addiction on this matter but sadly its not something people care to talk about.

 

And the reason for this is the general public still maintain the mentality that its the woman's fault for being so stupid. Always the woman's fault that she should have known better etc... well you are now witnessing the power of Gigolo mind games on your friend.

Edited July 8, 2011 by Elliebes

[determindator]

There is a story line on Coronation St at the moment about smooth talkers. I believe there's catch up on mainstream TV over weekend. Let's see how the programme goes with it.

[SOD'EM]

I would get her to insist that the car is put in HER name but let him have full use of it. That way, she has every right to reposess it if he has no intentions og repaying the loan. She needs to get him to watch Judge Judy a couple of times, he will then realise why she wants the car in her name. If he gets upset by that, then that proves that he is not e decent honest person, and he doesn't deserve her anyway.