Accused of sexual harrasment

[o0robbie0o]

Hello, its difficult for me to share this as the whole idea of being accused of this makes me feel physically sick. I've never been accused of anything like this before and it having a pretty devasting affect on me. I just cant imagine what will happen if i lose my job over this. I hope i can get some info or feedback from you guys as i really am devastated. So the situation is.... I was called into a meeting with HR on Wednesday and suspended due to an allegation of sexual harassment against one of my work colleagues. I wasn't given the details of the incident but i know which incident they are referring to. I am due to have another meeting with HR on monday.

 

I'll give you a brief idea of what happened. I was in the kitchen working with two of my colleagues when the alleged victim passed by and started a conversation about a man who was arrested for taking pictures up women's skirts on the escalator in the tube. We were all laughing about this and she continued to say it was similar to when another one of my colleagues made fun by pretending to be a paparazzi and doing the same with her. We were laughing about this in a very light hearted way, which is pretty much the general atmosphere of our work place. I thought it might be funny to continue the joke and placed my phone on the ground between her and myself when the flash went off and the phone took a picture. (picture attached). Before i did i pointed it out to her and we both looked down at the camera and smiled. She was slightly amused and carried on working. I hadn't noticed her mother who also works in the same department standing behind us, who having just seen this began shouting at me. I tried explaining to her that it was a joke and to ask her daughter what we had been joking about. She wouldn't listen to me and threatened to inform HR if i did it again. Her daughter then told her to be quiet. We though nothing more of it, in fact we were conversing as usual until a few days later when i was called into HR and advised that someone had made a complaint about the incident. They are now treating it as sexual harassment. The person who this happened to did not actually make the complaint, neither did her mother but i believe her mother told her line manager who has always had issues with me and she took it upon herself to contact HR without finding out what had actually happened and bringing the incident completely out of context.

 

As an isolated incident it sounds like a joke gone too far but this type of humour is continued throughout our department. We all know each others boundaries and never take anything past a light hearted joke. I myself have had my bottom slapped by the female in question and also by other members of the department. Its all in good humour. Which is why i was so shocked when i was accused of sexual harassment. It was in no way sexual and i was in no way harassing her. Being in a more senior position to the others in the department i understand that i should have set an example but this is how it was when i began working there.

 

I believe the person who contacted HR with the third hand information has had a problem with me since i took this position. she has made several complaints against me in the past. One particular incident i was said to have insulted one of her female members of staff. This resulted in a meeting between myself and my superiors and was brought up again during another meeting later that year. Both times i strongly denied the allegations. I confronted the person who was supposedly the recipient of my insults, she agreed with me that the incident had never actually taken place and she was even upset that i thought she had contacted HR about something like that and agreed that it was probably her line manager trying to get at me through her.

 

I do not want to lose my job just because it is easier for HR to let me go and i also do not want to accept a warning. I intend to fight this accusation and also file a complaint against the person who made the complaint as i believe they are doing this for malicious reasons. I am now suspended without pay and with sexual harassment on my record it will be virtually impossible to continue with my career and possibly wreck my home life also. I can't imagine going back to work and facing anybody as i feel anxious and embarrassed about the whole situation. It has really affected me badly from having to lie to my work colleagues and my wife about being absent from work, i've started smoking and also planning to see the doctor about taking medication for anxiety. I feel that all the hard work i have put into my job and the relationships i have developed there are in danger of being destroyed.

[Sidewinder]

Without going into the nitty gritty of your case, the fact that you have been suspended without pay jumps out - is this permitted in your contract? If not then it is unlawful.

[o0robbie0o]

hello, ok im not sure its without pay. I just assumed that if its pending a hearing then it would be unpaid. But really, its not my biggest concern but it still affects me

[Emmzzi]

yes, that's sexual harrassment alright. If your actions make anyone uncomfortable it's harrassment. If you did this in an office I was working in, I'd feel very uncomfortable and report you.

 

Best get your apologising routine worked out, and stop this kind of behaviour.

 

(yes, yes, it was all a joke, Might be to you. Women who have had to deal with creeps in pubs doing this kind of thing will never, ever. EVER, find it "a bit of fun.")

[o0robbie0o]

um, ok not helpful. did you actually read the whole thing or are you just here to call me a creep? If youre bored, do something else. Read the thing properly before you give your opinion.

[Emmzzi]

I did read the whole thing.

 

You seem to be saying it isn't sexual harrassment, I am explaining why it is, so the best chance you have is to apologise, not to justify it.

[o0robbie0o]

if you bothered to read it and make a constructive comment then you would have noticed that i said she was ammused. I really dont need your input. thanks anyway

[san_d]

In this country a human being is still considered innocent until proven guilty. If you have a genuine reason why you think this is not harassment then fight on. You could be wrong but at least you should be granted the right to speak your side of the story out.

[o0robbie0o]

why is it sexual harassment? and why do you think im justifying it. Its a joke. jokes dont need justifying. It needs an explination. Explinations are not justifications. I think you're probably using past experiences to make your judgment on me without thinking

[o0robbie0o]

Well if this is the case. i could bring a sexual harassment case against 90 percent of the department. Life doesnt work like that

[o0robbie0o]

Emmzzi, without being disrespectful ..i could tell you have been affected by something at work without actually knowing. Having looked at your profile i see that you have taken time off and your case was thrown out. I think using me as a punching bag really isnt fair. Its just the internet but..you know..its still real

[Emmzzi]

I'm in no way judgung, I'm explaining the legal position and what action I would take if I were you.

 

If your actions made ANYONE ELSE feel uncomfortable (not just the subject of the joke) then yes, it can be deemed harrassment.

 

Let's look at different example. You work with a person that you call the n-word on a regular basis. They find it amusing. You find it amusing. I am married to a man of African heritage, I find your language offensive. Should you stop using it? Am I right to complain because I would like that behaviour to stop, even though you do not use that language with me?

 

Same principle.

 

Here's some legal stuff

 

http://www.staffs.ac.uk/assets/EOC%20checklist%20-%20sexual%20harassment%20gudiance%20for%20managers%20and%20supervisors_tcm44-21508.pdf

[honeybee13]

why is it sexual harassment? and why do you think im justifying it. Its a joke. jokes dont need justifying. It needs an explination. Explinations are not justifications. I think you're probably using past experiences to make your judgment on me without thinking

 

Hello there. I'm sorry to hear about your problems.

 

It probably isn't us that you need to convince, it's the people who are going to be hearing the meeting.

 

I wonder if it would be more productive to discuss how to handle the future meeting than to major on who here thinks it's sexual harassment and who doesn't.

 

My best, HB

[san_d]

Well if this is the case. i could bring a sexual harassment case against 90 percent of the department. Life doesnt work like that

You need to calm down. I know it's difficult but don't let this ruin your life. It is always the case where on the workplace there's a mixed environment of women and men and some jokes can get out of hand.

 

If you offer your side of the story in a detached and confident way you will have played your cards right, otherwise they will think you're a nervous psychopath.

[Emmzzi]

Emmzzi, without being disrespectful ..i could tell you have been affected by something at work without actually knowing. Having looked at your profile i see that you have taken time off and your case was thrown out. I think using me as a punching bag really isnt fair. Its just the internet but..you know..its still real

 

Um, I think you are reading the wrong person's history. I have never brought a case of that nature. I do work in HR and I do deal with the fallout of exactly this kind of bahaviour on a regular basis, and I am telling you how my organisation would deal with it.

 

Remorse = warning.

Justification = out.

 

But it's your choice.

[o0robbie0o]

she didnt find it uncomfortable. She didnt make the complaint. Nobody who was there made a complaint. if you break it down, i took a picture of the two of us smiling. all you can see is her head and my head looking down. If an mimicking an idea is sexual harassment then pretty much everybody in England would be on benefits. The manager who made the complaint heard about it out of context. The woman in question often jokes around in similar ways with all of the staff. Everybody jokes around like this. The incident was in no way sexual. To pick an isolated incident out like this and crucify the person is simply wrong. and yes..you did judge

[o0robbie0o]

yes it is my choice and i prefer to tell the truth. Unfortunately there are far too many hard lined HR departments like yours that force people to accept something they really dont want to accept, plead guilty and show remorse when what they should really do is say what actually happened. Just to see that little equation you posted shows me how these departments work. Its really not fair, hopefully my department are a little less like yours

[honeybee13]

So robbie, what can we do to help you please in terms of helping with a future meeting, or is there something else?

 

HB

[Emmzzi]

read the link I posted, the section on creating an oppressive atmosphere. It explains it better than I can.

[o0robbie0o]

I think being told how we can joke with our friends and what words we can use creates an extremely oppressive atmosphere. I can imagine if i lose my job, the woman in question wont be able to joke with her friends in the way she wants to and niether will anybody else. It doesnt make for a good working enviroment. I am extremely against any form of bullying and consider everybody i work with a friend. Unfortunately when its goes upstairs and sits on a desk in HR we just become statistics.

[o0robbie0o]

Hi Honeybee. Well im taking legal advice and will be instructing a lawyer to sit in on the hearing. i wanted to get some background info on similar cases basically. And also find out if i can actually talk to the woman before the case. This happened last week and we have been eating lunch together since then so i doubt she was informed that the complaint was being made

[Emmzzi]

You have the right to have a colleague or a union rep with you - not a lawyer. I would rethink that. As soon as you take a lawyer with you it becomes an external, not internal, event. No employers I know would allow that.

 

It is ok to advice from a lawyer before attending.

 

Are you in a union?

[becky2585]

You probably won't be allowed a lawyer into your disciplinary hearing.

 

The problem you have here is that what you did could be deemed as sexual harassment. With harassment cases, it's the victims perception, not the perpetrators intention, which counts, so you could be dismissed for this.

 

A grovelling apology could well be your best option.

[assisted blonde]

Rightly or wrongly your actions are considered sexual harrasment, I would say that your best bet is to apologise for the incident, say it would never happen again etc etc and with any luck as the other person hasnt made the complaint directly you may keep your job.

Under current law the person/people directly involved do not have to be offended, it is enough that any other person may be even if they were not directly involved, this is often what happens with racial abuse cases, it is not the people directly involved who have complained it is somone else.

[stu007]

Hi o0robbie0o

 

I do have to agree with Emmzzi advice and he is correct you have to see this from the Employers prospective.

 

They have had this report given to then and have had no choice but to suspend you pending further investigation of this report.

 

You may not agree with what is being said but the caggers on here are actually here to help and never ever judge someone by what

they have written as they we were never there and only have one side of the story so we cannot judge.

 

What you need to remember this may have been a joke between you and another work colleague, done in the workplace, where other work colleagues seen these action and took offence at the nature of the joke and it was reported.

 

What you need to do now is to be looking at defending your action to your employer in a very polite, very apologetic way.

 

Would your work colleague you were joking with speak on your behalf or write a statement for you?

Edited October 18, 2012 by stu007