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What Made You Smile Today?


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wish i could knit tried a few times but just couldn't get to grips with it, but i don't mind ,love buying baby clothes and i get to look at all the new prams as well,:-D:-D:-D

 

I start knitting, but never finish anything. Have a wool stash as hight as mount everest and a knitting machine that looks so so good, but just sits there:lol:

 

Havn't worked out how to use it yet and had it over a year :!:

 

Looks nice though, hahahahahhahhha:lol:

 

Think its more obsessive collecting things with me, ex came round last year, fondly laughed and said see you are still at it then:jaw:

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Prince Williams stag do must have been quite a hoot.

 

Imagine sticking pictures of your granny down a lapdancers knickers.:wink:

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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Prince Williams stag do must have been quite a hoot.

 

Imagine sticking pictures of your granny down a lapdancers knickers.:wink:

 

:pound::pound::pound::pound:

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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I got a lovely surprise today! Am going to be catching up with someone later this evening, it's been more than 30 years :-D

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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I got a huge bargain on some reclaimed oak flooring, and as they say 'it gets better with age', gorgeous! So I'm now just relaxing ready for my eagerly awaited phone call :-D

Life is like an echo, it all returns......The good, the bad, the false, the true......So if you give life the best you have, the best will come back to you.

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WARNING!!!! RUDE JOKE BELOW. NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A randy old man in a nursing home took a fancy to a lady staying there, and one day he cheekily tells her that

he wants to make love to her. To his surprise, she agrees, and suggests that when everybody goes on a day trip

they will stay behind and get down to it. He goes to her room on the day and asks how she likes it. "I used to like

it when a man goes down on me" she replies. He says he would love to and gets down to it.

 

After about 30 seconds he comes back up with his eyes watering and he says "I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I just can't go

on. It really smells down there". She says "It must be my arthritis". he looks at her and says "Surely you can't get arthritis

down there. Even if you could, it wouldn't cause such a vile smell". She says "No. My arthritis is in my shoulder, and I can't wipe my a**e":|

Edited by SOD'EM
typo

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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My daughter got sent home from school today for swearing.

 

I said "What did you say?"

 

She said "The C word".

 

I looked at her very dissapointed and said "It's not clever is it?"

 

She said "No dad, it was C***" :shock:

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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The Pope is handing out miracles to sick children in Liverpool.

Billy walks on stage and asks "Can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pope says "Yes" and puts his hands on Billy's ears, then prays.

He then removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now?"

 

Billy says "I don't know. It's not til next Wednesday".:razz:

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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A Scouser goes for a job at sea and the Captain asks "have you had any experience away at sea?"

"No" the Scouser says "but I'm very honest".

The Captain takes him on, and off they sail.

After 3 weeks at sea, the Scouser is busy cleaning the decks when a huge wave crashes over the boughs and sweeps him overboard.

The 1st mate goes running to the Captain and says "Do you know that Scouser you took on, the one that said he was honest?"

 

 

"Well he's just F****D OFF with your mop".:madgrin:

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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Some guy came up to me today and poured Nescafe, milk, sugar and boiling water on my head.

 

 

I'm sick of people taking me for a mug!!!:-)

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoiled by the ships parrot.

Every time he does a trick, the parrot shouts "It's in his pocket. 4 of clubs. It's got a false bottom."

The magician hates it.

One night the ship sinks, and him and the parrot cling to a piece of driftwood. For 4 days, the parrot doesn't say a word. It just stares at him.

On the fifth day the parrot says "OK, I give up.....Where's the F*****G ship?":smile:

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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Paddy is in the airport with a sack over each shoulder. They search the two sacks and find loads of mobile phones in them.

The Custom Officer says to Paddy "Why do you have all these phones?"

Paddy says "Well, I was on my travels in America and got a call from my mate Murphy. He told me he is started up a Jazz Band,

and could I bring him back two saxophones."

 

 

If all else fails, kick them where it hurts and SOD'EM;)

 

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Daughter tells me she been asked by a young lad in school does she want 'to go out with him':madgrin:

 

Arrrrggghhhh :)

 

She does look older than her age and has since the last time been given a phone number by a laddy in the local take out again, so keeping an eye on that, she is gorgeous and I am more than anything so pleased that she feels she can confide in me, thats what mommies are for after all, I never had that confidence so must be doing somthing right:lol:

 

 

and the ou has lifted my restriction at studying with them due to previous drop outs, they are happy that I am serious to want to learn and they want to help me, so double smile today xx

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well done watching8-) and i think your daughter is a caring child to tell you about this, and so grown up, i have daughters also and they tell me everything we are like friends, well done to both of you and have a nice day

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A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoiled by the ships parrot.

Every time he does a trick, the parrot shouts "It's in his pocket. 4 of clubs. It's got a false bottom."

The magician hates it.

One night the ship sinks, and him and the parrot cling to a piece of driftwood. For 4 days, the parrot doesn't say a word. It just stares at him.

On the fifth day the parrot says "OK, I give up.....Where's the F*****G ship?":smile:

:lol:

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I went to buy a paper cutter today and got ID'ed. OK, it was rather embarrassing. I'm not sure what's worse - being ID'ed for orange and lemonade, (I kid you not!) that or being ID'ed for a cutlery set last year.

 

And no, I'm NOT trying to get ID'ed for the weirdest reasons ever....

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