My employer is giving me no choice but to resign

[Iron city]

Hi, long first post sorry bit of background 

This is my first post here and I found this forum after having a really bad day at work. 

 

 I’m a single parent to 2 children one of which has autism and I’ve worked for the same employer for 14 years.

 

I went in today to try and book time off for an operation my son has to have and my boss went off at me saying I had to take a full day when I only needed part of it off, which was fine until she let lose on me on all the ways I’ve disappointed her since I came back from furlough in April, when I changed my hours to suit her business. It wasn’t easy but I’ve made it work. 

 

I currently do 16 hours which I know isn’t much to some but it’s all I can do in my situation and these are the things she said to me. “There is no 16 hour a week job here anymore, it has to be 24, extending my working day hours which I can’t do due to childcare issues, it isn’t available and she suggested I leave my autistic son at home on his own while I worked more. I have a younger son who has childcare but as my older son Is 11 there isn’t any available, I have no support network. 

I was told that I should offer to work more than my hours, even though I’ve tried to do more when asked over the years and got personal and it turned into a character assassination, even referring to furlough as a holiday for me (it really wasn’t ). I was told if I can’t do what they want I was surplus to requirements. I said I try to find a way but  I feel the only I have is to resign.

 

I guess what I’m asking is if it’s me or them being unreasonable?

Any advice would be appreciated 

Thanks 

Edited September 10, 2021 by dx100uk
spacing

[dx100uk]

going against a single mum with a disabled child is never a good idea..sorry but your boss needs a lesson in tact and discrimination laws..

[Argyll]

I assume you're not a member of a Trade Union?

 

You need to get legal advice. 

[Iron city]

No I’m not a member of a trade union. This all came as a shock to me as nothing has been mentioned about my performance until now, if it had I would’ve tried to improve, I can’t work the extra hours at the times they are wanting me to. I’ve been made to feel I can’t go back now anyway 

[Argyll]

If nothing has been mentioned about your performance before then it sounds a bit fishy.

 

I would recommend speaking to a solicitor specialising in employment law. Most give the first 30mins free of charge. 

[unclebulgaria67]

You have protections under the Equalities act as you are a parent of a child with a disability.

 

Working Families | Flexible working for parents and carers of disabled children - Working Families

WORKINGFAMILIES.ORG.UK

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The right to request flexible working for parents and carers of disabled children.

 

The advice is not to resign.  Stick to your employment contract and keep everything recorded in writing from now on.  Do not hold any conversations with your employers about your contract terms such as hours without them being recorded in writing or witnessed by a colleague you trust.

 

It is your boss who is in the wrong here and hopefully once they have thought about this more, they will realise their error.

 

You could contact ACAS for advice.

 

 

[Argyll]

 

About us | Acas

WWW.ACAS.ORG.UK

 

Edited September 11, 2021 by Argyll

[Iron city]

The manner in which I was spoken to has made me feel as though I can’t work there any more, both my children have operations coming up, which I made my employer aware of and this barrage of abuse was released on me as I tried to book time off to deal with it. I’ve tried so hard to hold things together since becoming a single parent (7 years) and I just feel like it’s the last straw. I really don’t feel I’ve any choice but to leave, I can’t see an alternative as I can’t commit to what they want from me  not to mention I actually feel betrayed after all the years I’ve worked there 

[Argyll]

1 minute ago, Iron city said:

The manner in which I was spoken to has made me feel as though I can’t work there any more, both my children have operations coming up, which I made my employer aware of and this barrage of abuse was released on me as I tried to book time off to deal with it. I’ve tried so hard to hold things together since becoming a single parent (7 years) and I just feel like it’s the last straw. I really don’t feel I’ve any choice but to leave, I can’t see an alternative as I can’t commit to what they want from me  not to mention I actually feel betrayed after all the years I’ve worked there 

Go sick with stress. Take a few weeks off and speak to Acas like the fella suggested. By resigning you're playing into their hands and potentially you'll lose a lot of money if you do. 

[unclebulgaria67]

if you resign, then if you try to claim benefits, they may not agree your claim as you voluntarily left employment. For an existing claim, leaving work like this could affect existing claims.

 

However you feel now. Do not make your situation worse by resigning.

 

Go to phone your Doctors and get a sick note. Allow yourself time.

[Iron city]

I have thought about this, it’s not a well paid job, just in retail, I have savings to tide me over if I was to try for benefits or even while I looked for other jobs. My job has never really been about the money, I was there because I absolutely loved it, but now I just feel heartbroken, I’ve always worked, even when it would’ve been so much easier to give up. This argument was also had while there were customers in the shop and I feel mortified. 

[Argyll]

43 minutes ago, Iron city said:

I have thought about this, it’s not a well paid job, just in retail, I have savings to tide me over if I was to try for benefits or even while I looked for other jobs. My job has never really been about the money, I was there because I absolutely loved it, but now I just feel heartbroken, I’ve always worked, even when it would’ve been so much easier to give up. This argument was also had while there were customers in the shop and I feel mortified. 

Please forgive me I don't want to sound rude but if you just want to pack the job in without a fight what are you looking for on here? 

[citizenB]

As advised, do not make any hasty decisions - this is obviously a stressful situation, so seek the help of your GP and obtain a sick note for a couple of weeks.  

 

If you have been working for this company for 14 years now, it does seem unreasonable of your employer to take this stance.  If performance has not been an issue previously then it does rather look as though this is being used as an excuse so you need to protect yourself. 

 

ACAS, Citizen's Advice and/or an employment solicitor will almost certainly be able to advise.  IMHO, you should not resign as this could almost certainly cause you financial issues if you are going to need to claim extra benefits at a later stage.  

[Iron city]

Thank you for the advice, I came here because I had nowhere else to turn. I was in shock at what happened, I still am. I still haven’t arranged the time I need off for my children and now I’m too scared to and I know that sounds pretty pathetic. I was told not to dictate when I couldn’t work, but they were aware I needed this time off and all this happened when I approached them to book it. I didn’t see it coming, I was told I was selfish when I’ve been juggling work/kids for years trying to make everyone happy. I feel I’ve always done my best but to be told I’m just not good enough, to work side by side knowing they feel this way about me feels awful. I’m sorry if I wasted anyone’s time even looking at this 

[Argyll]

2 minutes ago, Iron city said:

Thank you for the advice, I came here because I had nowhere else to turn. I was in shock at what happened, I still am. I still haven’t arranged the time I need off for my children and now I’m too scared to and I know that sounds pretty pathetic. I was told not to dictate when I couldn’t work, but they were aware I needed this time off and all this happened when I approached them to book it. I didn’t see it coming, I was told I was selfish when I’ve been juggling work/kids for years trying to make everyone happy. I feel I’ve always done my best but to be told I’m just not good enough, to work side by side knowing they feel this way about me feels awful. I’m sorry if I wasted anyone’s time even looking at this 

Self certify yourself for 7 days. During that time go see a doctor and get a sick note if you need longer. What you're feeling now may not what you feel next week.

I would imagine calling your work would only stress you out so email your work if you can telling them you're going sick. Get a friend to drop off your sick note if you intend staying off longer than 7 days. You don't need to provide a sick note for the first 7 days.  

[unclebulgaria67]

As you realise, you and your children are the priority.

 

Your boss is totally in the wrong, so just treat them with the contempt they deserve.

 

Do as Argyll says above.