Torn in two

[benidorm60]

I have always found help on here and now am stuck in the middle.

A friend of mine has a daughter and she is a lovely girl and a single parent.

She has four children and a good mum middle lad has got AHD and gets Diability and she is a carer and

Income Support.

Housing Benefit. She has a boyfriend living with her and he works full time and now just found out she is working part time as well. My friend is so pleased for her.

I am struggling to make ends meet, job is hard hours long and I cant get a swap.

Am angry and dont know what to do. I cant believe I am thinking of reporting her.

Edited August 8, 2012 by benidorm60
spelling mistake

[Nystagmite]

Do you want to risk the possible loss of a friendship if she finds out it's you?

[benidorm60]

I have known her mum from infants, so no and the guilt will kill me if I do report her just tired and angry so glad I asked.

THANK YOU

[marmaris30]

Maybe as a good friend, you should point out to her that the authorities *will* catch up with her in the end, and the longer she leaves it the worse it will be, so better to stop sooner rather than later, and report her change of circumstances herself.

 

You could do this in a roundabout fashion by bringing up an article from the news. The tabloids and those gossip mags are full of benefit fraud stories.

[benidorm60]

Its very hard, my friend thinks her daughter is doing well she is treating her to a holiday as well Lanzarote in October, school holidays with the boyfriend and children. She has never been abroad before like me so is excited and looking forward to her jollies

I Just wish to god she had never told me now to be honest. My friend can see no wrong in what her children do never could even when they were little

[marmaris30]

I'm sure she's lovely but the investigators won't see it that way if they call her in for an interview under caution, on suspicion of overclaiming and failure to report a change in circumstances as required. Nor will they be very interested in the effect on her children, as long as there is no hardship, which is very much in their hands to decide. If the overclaimed money is paying for the holiday then that will just make it worse.

 

If she reports her own change of circumstances now then she considerably reduces the risk of that happening, the consequences will be much more manageable, and your own conscience as a friend will remain intact.

[RaeUK]

I appreciate it must be difficult. However, I understand that you can report your suspicions anonymously. Unfortunately, no matter our personal feelings for anyone involved, people who do work which negates their benefit entitlement give all of those with genuine need a bad name...

[antone]

Maybe as a good friend, you should point out to her that the authorities *will* catch up with her in the end, and the longer she leaves it the worse it will be, so better to stop sooner rather than later, and report her change of circumstances herself.

 

You could do this in a roundabout fashion by bringing up an article from the news. The tabloids and those gossip mags are full of benefit fraud stories.

 

This would be my approach if the friendship is important. I'm no fan of benefit fraudsters, but I can understand being reluctant to report a close friend for a crime. But you would be doing her a favour by pointing out the potentially serious consequences of this.

[benidorm60]

Have thought long and hard and will try to bring something up when I meet her Sunday, but that is hard as she is helping her daughter, she baby sits while she works she does two nights in a pub so it will not go down well. Her daughter says a lot on Facebook about things what she has bought where she is going, how work went, do they keep an eye on it

On lates today so not as tired. Thank you all for your replys

[marmaris30]

You cannot underestimate the seriousness of the situation if they start to investigate her so don't leave her in any doubt.

 

Once they have reasonable cause to start an investigation, they have quite wide-ranging powers to see what people are up to. Her daughter shouldn't make it too easy though because she is ultimately an innocent party to her mother's fraud - she should ensure her Facebook security settings are limited to 'friends only'.

[Nystagmite]

Maybe as a good friend, you should point out to her that the authorities *will* catch up with her in the end, and the longer she leaves it the worse it will be, so better to stop sooner rather than later, and report her change of circumstances herself.

 

You could do this in a roundabout fashion by bringing up an article from the news. The tabloids and those gossip mags are full of benefit fraud stories.

 

I think this is a sensible idea.

[LaughingGirl]

Its very hard, my friend thinks her daughter is doing well she is treating her to a holiday as well Lanzarote in October, school holidays with the boyfriend and children. She has never been abroad before like me so is excited and looking forward to her jollies

I Just wish to god she had never told me now to be honest. My friend can see no wrong in what her children do never could even when they were little

 

You might want to remind her that the Government use Experian to check on benefit claimants now too - if she applies for anything as an employed person, there's a possibility (however remote) that she could end up being investigated. It's really not worth it, to be honest. If she's getting DLA, income support and Housing Benefit, it's going to rack up and get out of control more quickly than she might imagine. Show her some of the posts on here from people who are in bits because they've been asked to attend an IUC!

[benidorm60]

Mentioned it today to someone in work and they can not believe it, and are saying am mad and should report it as the mother is as bad as the daughter and are both scroungers.

This is getting worse and I think I will not go Sunday.

Friend said go on line council site but will they trace me. Think when I mentioned the holiday to Canarys she went nuts

Workmate said did I realise the daughter could be on £400 per week I said no way.

That is a load of rubbish

[abc123def]

If you report someone online you are guaranteed anonymity and they wouldn't know it was you

[flumps1976]

Your reportwould be anonymous, you could write a letter and [post it to the local JCP/DWP/council office and leave it for them to investigate.

This is theft and they are doing it blatantly.

ps just setting to friends only may not stop fraud investigators checking her profile, I'm not sure exactly what access the fraud department have though.

[bigissue]

Persoanlly I don't think I could ever report someone as I could never be sure I was in full receipt of all the facts. As a friend I would feel it was my responsiblity to make it clear just how much trouble she could get into if she is indeed cheating the system but I don't think I could live with myself if I actually reported someone. I hope very much you speak to your friend about her daughter before deciding to report her.

[abc123def]

If they've done nothing wrong then there is nothing to be afraid of so you don't need the full facts though.

[MIKEY DABODEE]

OP your friend has done you no favours telling you all this and she has put you in an awful position.

 

By the sounds of it the daughter is also broadcasting it on the net for people to see and read about it. so she is not ashamed of what she is doing.

She may be a lovely girl but what she is doing is greedy, dishonest and she is breaking the law

Nobody can tell you what to do and if your friend tells you more then say, I dont want to knpw, but someone will report her soon hopefully, because its just not right.......

Edited August 9, 2012 by MIKEY DABODEE

[bigissue]

If they've done nothing wrong then there is nothing to be afraid of so you don't need the full facts though.

 

Well many people on here and on other sites are very clearly upset when they find they are being investigated after being reported erroneously so I think it does do damage and can ruin friendships. I know this is the OPs call but even if I knew a person was doing what she is saying I still don't think I could report them it's just how I personally feel about it. Its not that I condone it, I really don't but the full facts are not just the material or financial facts. Perhaps this woman is in a transitional phase in her life where she is now in this relationship, trying to go back to work I don't know what her situation with her boyfriend is perhaps he is staying there but regards his money as his own and never contributes a penny. And God forgive me but I don't think a person on benefits doing the odd bit of cash in hand work is the biggest crime of the century, In the 80's we had a neighbour who was out of work long term as were many men. He had three kids and a wife and to for a bit of extra cash he cleaned the windows of a local pub once a week for a few quid until someone reported him leaving him and his family in crisis. It's not ideal but I don't think it's so terrible I really don't, peope do what they have to do to get by sometimes.

[LaughingGirl]

I still think benefit fraud is a drop in the ocean in comparison to what is stolen by banks, large institutions and authority figures, but as I've said here before I'm just fed up generally with people abusing the system, regardless of their class and status. I don't care who you are, I'm completely tired of the "I'm alright, Jack" attitude that a lot of people seem to have. It's not OK - plenty of people are struggling at the minute, myself included, but I'm not about to add to the generally negative perception people have of folk on benefits by seeing how long I can get away with milking the system.

 

I honestly believe that it's worth talking to her or her mother before you report her...sometimes people need a nudge off the people closest to them before they come to their senses.

[assisted blonde]

You could send an anonymous letter to the daughter saying that she is commiting benefit fraud and point out the penalties to her if you cant speak to her face to face, it may jog her conscience.

[abc123def]

I wouldn't report anyone either - not even someone I really disliked

[benidorm60]

Thanks for all your comments I have decided I am not going to do anything, but I am not going to listen to the friend again even when she goes on.

I cant bring myself to do it.

I worry if they catch her then my friend will have to pick up the pieces.

and I cant do that to her can I

I know the daughter is doing wrong and I dont agree with it. I was on benefits and its hard to manage I Know.

[benidorm60]

Well someone has done the deed, and the daughter has an interview next week with the council and social

Anyone know what they can expect. My friend is going mad as she thinks its a friend that has done it.

And how can they do this to their own and She is going on and on and i am fed up.

The holiday is paid for but now the boyfriend has gone back to his mothers they will have no money to go. I am trying to be there for her but am in the middle of moving.

[worried33]

what do you mean by cant get a swap.

 

it sounds like you jealous.

 

I dont know if she is claiming anything she shouldnt be but I think reporting fraudsters unless its large scale isnt something worth bothering with especially when its friends.