A complicated marital issue (not mine)... your opinions would be appreciated...

[JonCris]

Just digressing for a moment

How many of you know, that even after marital assets have been divided, and the wife/husband has kept the marital home, that there is nothing to stop the other ex-partner coming back in say 5, 10 or even 20 years time and successfully suing the one with the home for half of the difference in value from the date of the decree absolute to the time of the writ?

I had a very spiteful ex wife who tried everything to get me to sell the house, even though the kids stayed with me and didnt want to be anywhere near her. Luckily, I had a very astute solicitor who took a personal dislike to her after she sent him a few threatening letters too ( best thing she did for me).

After a year of her kicking and screaming, and thanks to my solicitor and my kids staying with me, she had to walk away with next to nothing.

But out of all this, and through my solicitor, I discovered the "Clean Break Order" - stamped by the court at the time of divorce once signed by both parties.

This is the only remedy a divorcee has to stop a bitter ex coming back in the future and hitting you once more!

 

And how did I get a woman like this to sign the Order? Now that really is another story, but the old saying applies - Give someone enough rope...............

 

Your ex partner didn't come back for more if at your divorce it was agreed that she had 50%. If so any increase in value until sold 50% was hers by agreement

[Lula]

any update on this P1?

[PriorityOne]

A small but significant update (I hope) Lula. My friend spoke to a solicitor on the 'phone a few days ago. This was the one her father used when he was alive and although he's not a family law solicitor, she trusts him and is comfortable talking to him and, he's in touch with people who are family law specialists.....

 

One of the reasons for the 'phone call to him was because her husband upped the threats last weekend and gave her 7 days to arrange the £20K payment to himself or he would go back to his own solicitor and take her to court for it, half the equity in the house and his costs (apparently).

 

Anyway... she explained the situation to her (deceased) father's solicitor and not surprisingly, he advised her not to pay him a penny... that he was being very greedy and to wait for him to strike first through his own solicitor before doing anything for the moment. He also said that no solicitor would tell him that he's entitled to what he's claiming and thinks that he must have been very economical with the truth to come away with this information. He also knows the solicitor.... and it just didn't ring true that he would say that.

 

I have just seen her this evening... her husband popped round to "babysit" the twins while she came out for a bit. He mentioned it again before she went out and now, she has to decide whether to tell him she doesn't need 7 days because she's already made her decision (not to pay him anything) or, to wait until the 7 days are up and then she'll have to tell him....

 

I'll keep you posted and thank you for asking after her...

[legalpickle]

A small but significant update (I hope) Lula. My friend spoke to a solicitor on the 'phone a few days ago. This was the one her father used when he was alive and although he's not a family law solicitor, she trusts him and is comfortable talking to him and, he's in touch with people who are family law specialists.....

 

One of the reasons for the 'phone call to him was because her husband upped the threats last weekend and gave her 7 days to arrange the £20K payment to himself or he would go back to his own solicitor and take her to court for it, half the equity in the house and his costs (apparently).

 

Anyway... she explained the situation to her (deceased) father's solicitor and not surprisingly, he advised her not to pay him a penny... that he was being very greedy and to wait for him to strike first through his own solicitor before doing anything for the moment. He also said that no solicitor would tell him that he's entitled to what he's claiming and thinks that he must have been very economical with the truth to come away with this information. He also knows the solicitor.... and it just didn't ring true that he would say that.

 

I have just seen her this evening... her husband popped round to "babysit" the twins while she came out for a bit. He mentioned it again before she went out and now, she has to decide whether to tell him she doesn't need 7 days because she's already made her decision (not to pay him anything) or, to wait until the 7 days are up and then she'll have to tell him....

 

I'll keep you posted and thank you for asking after her...

 

 

From reading this thread, I'd be prepared to guess that he may get even more threatening and nasty when she refuses.

 

I would seriously recommend contacting her deceased father's Solicitor and getting a recommendation for a good family lawyer to deal with this matter. A restraining order against the w**ker [as you justly call it] would work wonders for her in the future, me thinks!

 

CAG is an excellent group and support network, but despite the mass amount of knowledge, I don't think any of us are fully qualified or have any experience in such complex matters - thankfully. I would therefore recommend that she retains a Solicitor forthwith and without delay as she may get more trouble by delaying. Always better to err on the side of caution.

 

I know that it will be costly, but it could save her a substantial amount of aggravation, stress, hassle and funds in the future. In addition this could scare it, if a letter from a Solicitor arrived stating clearly that if it communicates with her again, a restraining order will be applied for [or that they are in the process of doing so] and that all further communication must be to him [the Solicitor].

 

I must recommend that she errs on the side of caution and involves a very good family lawyer at this stage. I also think that considering her age - as another poster rightly stated - she may likely want to enter into a new relationship in the future, therefore it is best to be rid of it as soon as physically possible. I would therefore recommend getting rid of it NOW.

 

Keep us posted please. Good luck and best wishes to your friend. I know the problems caused by disabilities first hand, and can only start to imagine how hard it is to take care of a disabled child, especially with another developmentally slow child of the same such young age.

 

legalpickle

[Lula]

Well, I reckon she should just bide her time and not give in to his bullying and mind games, also, when he is in the house alone with the children, call me an terribly suspicious person, but I would hope that all her financial details and cards, cheque books etc, are safely well out of reach

 

I wish her well

[legalpickle]

Well, I reckon she should just bide her time and not give in to his bullying and mind games, also, when he is in the house alone with the children, call me an terribly suspicious person, but I would hope that all her financial details and cards, cheque books etc, are safely well out of reach

 

I wish her well

 

 

I would echo the suspicions of Lula! I would go as far as keeping this by somebody else!

 

I disagree on biding her time, as it is obviously causing her a lot of anguish and it is getting more and more desperate. If it isn't put into his place, who knows what it is capable of. I would recommend getting it put into it's place ASAP to prevent any further problems. Always better to err on the side of caution.

[PriorityOne]

Well, I reckon she should just bide her time and not give in to his bullying and mind games, also, when he is in the house alone with the children, call me an terribly suspicious person, but I would hope that all her financial details and cards, cheque books etc, are safely well out of reach

 

I wish her well

 

She is getting stronger over this, but the loss of both parents keeps reminding her that she's all alone in the world now as far as family goes.... and this is a huge concern for her at times because of the health needs surrounding the twins. She was trying to keep the peace in order to keep him in her life as a friend, so to speak... but this is slowly changing, now that she's beginning to see what a cold, selfish pig he is....

 

As for having him in the house.... I totally agree with you !! He's probably already had a good snoop this evening, although I doubt he'll have found anything useful.

[PriorityOne]

I would echo the suspicions of Lula! I would go as far as keeping this by somebody else!

 

I disagree on biding her time, as it is obviously causing her a lot of anguish and it is getting more and more desperate. If it isn't put into his place, who knows what it is capable of. I would recommend getting it put into it's place ASAP to prevent any further problems. Always better to err on the side of caution.

 

 

It's a difficult one to call.... because he could make the situation much more stressful for her if she strikes first through solicitors. If she responds to his solicitor however, then he only has himself to blame.

[emmaf01]

I am suspicious that part of the problem might be that he has psychologically abused your friend. Domestic abuse doesn't have to be physical or sexual- it can consist of psychological and financial abuse.

 

She sounds afraid to cross him because of what he might do- she sounds scared that he will act in a manner that may not cause her physical harm but definitely harm.

 

This is just as bad as physical abuse and the damage can last much longer.

 

It might be an idea to get some info regarding this, as if your friend realised what this man was doing to her, she might start to find her anger and fight back.

 

She's still lucky to have a good friend to help and support her through this horrid experience.

[PriorityOne]

You're quite right Emma.... he has mentally abused her for years. In fact, she's one of several of my friends who've been/are with mentally abusive men. She does know it... but it's always a problem finding yourself again after living with such a person and also, to try and break the thought patterns of the past.

 

As an outsider looking in... I'm able to see things that she can't, but I can't take the situation away. She has to do that herself.... and she's been afraid to cross him for far too long already, so it's going to take a while longer.

 

The sh*t will definately hit the fan this week-end though as he's constantly pushing for an answer, so I'll let you all know as soon as she's told him he's not getting what he wants. Oh dear....

[emmaf01]

With my previous partner it wasn't until I saw a sign on a door in a health centre loo detailing financial and psychological abuse that I realised I was being abused. It still took me another six months to get out of the relationship, plus another six before he heeded my solicitors letters and got lost. Sad but true.

 

Funnily enough it took me getting a solicitor and refusing to speak to him or his mother or respond to their abusive letters and phone calls. (They wanted money off me too- even though I had none.)

 

I hope your friend finds the strength to stand up to him. The one thing I am eternally grateful for is that me and my ex never had children together. It must make it all ten times more difficult.Because they will use any method to manipulate and control.

 

You can tell her til you're blue in the face, but (from my experience) until something clicks inside her head she won't be able to understand and fully fight back. I suppose she has to understand she is worth better than this.

[PriorityOne]

With my previous partner it wasn't until I saw a sign on a door in a health centre loo detailing financial and psychological abuse that I realised I was being abused. It still took me another six months to get out of the relationship, plus another six before he heeded my solicitors letters and got lost. Sad but true. I can relate to that one as well, as it happens . My ex was physically and mentally abusive, but because of the very gradual build-up over the years.... it took ages before I could accept what he was. That was a long time ago now.... but the journey to getting my true personality back was a long one; partly because I'd forgotten who I was anyway.

 

Funnily enough it took me getting a solicitor and refusing to speak to him or his mother or respond to their abusive letters and phone calls. (They wanted money off me too- even though I had none.)

 

I hope your friend finds the strength to stand up to him. The one thing I am eternally grateful for is that me and my ex never had children together. It must make it all ten times more difficult.Because they will use any method to manipulate and control. You were fortunate in that sense. I have a daughter with my ex, although she's now nearly 18... so can (and does) make most of her own decisions where he's concerned. The early years were a little difficult, but once I had a place of my own.... and agreed to let him in.... he never crossed me again.

 

You can tell her til you're blue in the face, but (from my experience) until something clicks inside her head she won't be able to understand and fully fight back. I suppose she has to understand she is worth better than this. Summed up very nicely there Emma.... I'm on her case where that's concerned...

 

[PriorityOne]

Ok.... update time.

 

The husband has now extended his deadline until Friday , suggesting that he's expecting her to just cave in and pay up under the pressure... without him having to go through a solicitor.

 

He's now said that he wants her to give him the £20K and in return he will go to his solicitor and agree not to come to her for anything else. However...he also wants her to sign the same.... that SHE won't come to him for anything else either !! She's not had anything from him other than what he pays in child support.... which got me wondering what game he could be playing with that one .

 

He is now saying that she can't have his pension as part of any divorce settlement, or if he dies while they are still married.... if she signs this agreement..... and neither can she have anything from the £42K endowment.... so effectively, if she signs.... she will have already paid off his mortgage (to reduce his outgoings and give him an easier life), given him £20K and possibly, surrendered any rights to anything else to help support her children.

 

She's not signing by the way.... When asked why he was doing this, his reply was that she had some money and he wanted it. I can't print the precise words he used, but if there was any doubt in my friend's mind over what a selfish, greedy pig he is.... it vanished after hearing the answer.

 

Oh and another thing.... if she was just to just trust him and give him the £20K without either of them going to solicitors.... then she could keep the entitlement to his pension. Yeah right....

Edited August 20, 2008 by PriorityOne

[emmaf01]

God he's a right *******, isn't he. what a truly wonderful human being.

 

As I read on a previous post (about some debt collectors), he's proof that cavemen did more with pigs that roast them.

 

You're friend seems to be becoming more enlightened about his true nature though, which is brilliant news. More power to such a wonderful woman.

 

He's not a gambling addict as well... because he really reminds me of an ex I used to know!

[Lula]

Hi P1, more of the same old crap then eh? Is she keeping a log of all the things that he is saying and doing, because she might need them at some point.

 

Nasty nasty man. Cant say much else, gobsmacked!!

[JonCris]

Does she own the caravan outright? if so sell it, for scrap if necessary. Oh & change all of the house locks

[PriorityOne]

Just thought I'd update this one....

 

Things got more and more complicated as time went on and the husband tried very hard to un-nerve my friend by any means going.... even trying to get her eldest son on side. However, she remained strong and finally divorced him. He repeatedly threatened to take her to court for £20k and then said he'd be going for half the house as well; despite him having sold it to her and taking her late father's money to pay off his ownmortgage on it.

 

However, I doubted that he would find the money to do all of this, so advised her to stand firm and let him instigate proceedings first if that was his intention.... which she did. He eventually caved and with much huff and puff... said he wasn't going to take her to court now for anything after his application for Legal Aid failed (Legal Aid?!!.... he was having a laugh there!!). They are in now in the process of going for a "clean break" settlement.

 

This just left the caravan. He behaved like an *rse over this for ages as well and wouldn't sign it over to her despite not wanting it himself because he'd since got himself a council flat. She even offered to sign it over to him as part of a settlement to do with as he wished, but he refused. I said that she needed to sort it one way or another because the site fees would be due soon (£3K), so she bluffed him that it would be sold back to the site and she'd take the loss. This wasn't part of his game plan, as he's now agreed to sign it over to her completely and papers are currently being drawm up.

 

Result!

Edited October 1, 2009 by PriorityOne