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Problems with social services - various issues surrounding my mother who is now in a nursing home.


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Hi, me again 😊.

I have various issues surrounding my mother who is now in a nursing home.

Leading up to her going into the home, has been a nightmare. It is a very complicated situation which I am trying to break into sections to make it easier to deal with.

For many years she has been harassed by the brother of the lady who is the leaseholder of the building my mother lived. When she developed dementia he prayed on her more. Then she attracted a young man into her life who was abusing her and me and I had to get social services involved and the police.

I became very frightened of this man and my mother who now had developed serious dementia and became violent and abusive too. Being a single parent of 3 and living some distance from my mother I gave more power to social services and withdrew to protect myself physically and mentally from the situation. That is a separate issue to the advice I am seeking today but thought I should give a little of the background.

I was power of attorney for  my mothers health and finances but in May 2023 I gave this up. On the 28th July 2023 social services received a letter from the office of public guardian to advise they had received a valid disclaimer  - giving up lasting power of attorney.

Social services wrote to me explaining I could no longer make any decisions about my mum's property and financial affairs despite still being her next of kin.

On the 10th August 2023 a senior social worker completed a court protection referral to JMD law for the appointment of a deputy. 

On the 14th September social services sent me an email informing me they had urgently put my mum in a nursing home. I didn't see the email for a couple of weeks, when I telephoned ss to find out what was happening they told me they could not tell me the circumstances that led to her needing to go into the home because I am no longer power of attorney.

Sometime after this Mr ***s, the brother of the freeholder changed the locks to the front of the building, I was unable to get in to get things for my mother. When I contacted ss I was told if I wanted to gain access to the property I would need to ask the senior social worker to get things for my mother until the panel deputy was in place. 

Some of my own property is stored at my mothers.

I don't know what to do, I got to the point last summer of exhaustion .

I don't know how to handle any of this I can't find anyone to help me.

 

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Hi honeybee13,  thanks for your reply.

I haven't asked the senior sw for my things because i don't want to give over the keys to my mums flat.

I feel this has all been taken out  of my hands do they have a right to just do that?

This is my mums whole life and mine too. It's all been so traumatic.

I have been to CAB they said to get a solicitor who has understanding of local authority.

I don't have enough money to do that as I'm a single parent who barely has enough money to survive, I thought I would ask on here hoping someone might be able to advise.

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I think the LA can do thst if they have the right paperwork, but I'm not experienced in this. Are they responsible for paying for your mother's care?

If it was me, I'd talk to the social worker and try to get a better understanding of what they're doing and what they've done. I don't understand what you're saying about the keys to the property if the locks have been changed.

HB

Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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How do they get and have the authority to the kind of paperwork to give them this amount of power? Yes local authority is paying for her care.

I've tried to talk with ss quite a few times, each time leaves me feeling confused and completely powerless. Surely as her family we have some rights? What about her will? Or does everything go to the authorities now?

I have the keys to her flat. The brother of the leaseholder, who lives downstairs has changed the locks to the main communal door. When I talked to ss about it they said only my mum and the leaseholder have rights to that key now.

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I know that local authorities have quite wide-ranging powers but I don't know the detail. When my mother lived on her own and was diagnosed with dementia, social services told me they had the power to put her in a home if she wouldn't go voluntarily, under DOLS [Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards].

I don't think the local authority can claim your mother's estate but I understand that they can claim care costs when, say, a property is sold.

In your place, I'd be asking the local AgeUK and Dementia UK how it all works, to get a better understanding. I think it would also help us if you could tell us what you're trying to achieve.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/

https://www.dementiauk.org/information-and-support/?_gl=1*1fg1lya*_up*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAjw17qvBhBrEiwA1rU9w6Q5pWVjQRnCWtXybAcBjhqEkaBjVY0kWIiu6CsJW5vQNOd7qLBWmhoCyCEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

 

Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Honeybee13

Thank you for your last message. 

I am sorry I have not replied to your message sooner.  My mother’s situation is a complex one.  I have been so stressed and anxious with all the things going on with it - I have had to deal with her dementia, social services, Mr Phillips (the scammer) as well as mother’s friend (groomer) - I haven’t mentioned yet but this is all contributary I have been worn out with it all and had to take some time out. 

Following on from the last message, I was asked what I want to achieve. 

The questions I would like to ask the forum are:    

Given the current situation with my mother who is living in a care home and has dementia - she is under court protection and waiting for the processing of a deputy to be granted in order to take over her property affairs and finances. What are my Legal Rights as Next of Kin? I need to enter her flat to collect some of my personal belongings (stored in the attic) and items to take to my mother’s room in the care home.   

Providing I have a legal basis to enter my mother’s flat, currently I am unable to access the communal door that leads into the main building where my mother’s flat is.  As I have explained previously, the communal door lock has been changed by the lease holder. 

I have asked social services if they would ask the lease holder for the key, I haven’t wanted to ask the lease holder because I am frightened of him – he has been bullying my mother and myself for years while trying to extort money from mother, he also wants her flat so he can own the whole building.  

During 2021 my mother became ‘friends’ with a young man who took over her life he was aggressive, manipulative, and isolated her from anyone close. He scared me off on several occasions, police have been involved and I contacted ss at the time as I was concerned for my mum’s safety.

He had even posted several videos on social media with him and my mother, where he was displaying derogatory behaviour towards her, such as ordering her to sing happy birthday to his dog, when she clearly didn’t want to, he became increasingly verbally aggressive.   I found this out because her local shop keeper telephoned me of his concern. 

Ss completely ignored my emails and phone calls, saying they did not see him as a threat. They included him in my mum’s care package, and he attended meetings with my mother (eg sitting in on her mental health assessments) despite me asking them not to.

As my mother’s dementia got worse, she became aggressive towards me, between the two of them I was frightened to enter her apartment. I received an email on the 15th September informing me my mother had been put into a nursing home at short notice, when I enquired what had happened they said they couldn’t tell me because of confidentiality

I had the same response when I spoke to the Nursing Home Manager.  When I did mention about the mother’s friend to him, he said he was well aware of the situation and my mother was now on a social media blackout, I can only presume the media blackout is because of the mother’s friend.  

I have felt SS for a long while had been neglectful towards my mother on multiple occasions when it was clear she was vulnerable, such as:

Nov 2022 - I was first alerted to my Mother’s friend being present in her life, when I received a distressed phone call from her private carer at the time.  During a home visit the carer had accompanied my mother to a “mystery Friend’s” flat nearby. 

When the carer met the friend, she instantly didn’t like him and was highly suspicious of the whole situation (his flat smelt of weed and unkept) plus he displayed manipulative behaviour towards my mother to ensure she stayed with him, to the point she became verbally aggressive towards the carer and ordered her to leave).

I asked the carer for me to speak to the friend on the phone, when I did he was rude and dismissive towards me.  I told him my mother needed to get back to her flat with the carer for an appointment (a rue to get my mother to safety), he refused, became defiant and said he wouldn’t tell her anything then hung up.  

When I re rang and spoke to my mother, I could hear the friend in the background prompting her not to listen to me and saying how I didn’t care about her, as a result she become verbally aggressive with me and hung up.  I phoned SS to inform them of the incident and of my concerns.  When they eventually investigated the incident, they said he seemed a nice man, who cared a lot about mum mother.

A long while ago, I found out my mother’s friend had taken over (and still does) the garage she pays rent for so he could store his own car, whilst my mother’s was kept outside.  

Feb 2023 - I received a phone call at 1am from the emergency care alarm company saying they had received an alert from my mother’s emergency alarm identifying it had been activated.  As part of their protocol they rang my mother to see if she was ok, but no answer, an ambulance had to be dispatched to her flat. It turned out when the ambulance arrived she was not in, her front door was unlocked, and the lights and TV left on. 

Concerned for my mother’s safety due to her vulnerability, police were involved. When I arrived at her home, it turned out she was sleeping at this friend’s flat.  When she was being questioned by the police and paramedics, this friend was agitated, verbally aggressive, consistently interrupting and tried to manipulate the answers she was giving, to such a point the police had to take him into another room. My mother was scared and didn’t understand what was going on, I also found the whole situation to be very traumatic. 

On multiple occasions while still banned from driving (previously caught for driving under the influence of drugs) my mother’s friend was seen by the public driving his car around the town, with my mother as a passenger.   

March 2023 – I had arranged for my mother to move to an Independent Living Complex– she was excited about it and looking forward to making new friends with the residents.  Ahead of the move I organised with my mother to go to her flat and help with packing up. 

When I arrived, she was leaving with her male friend who was not happy to see me, very quickly he became verbally aggressive towards me and when I tried to remove myself from the situation it only made things worse.  It got to the point where I was scared for my own safety. As a result, I was forced to leave my mother’s flat without helping to pack.   

I had another incident with the same friend a week later, only this time the level of verbal abuse had escalated to the point where I felt no longer safe to visit my mother.  I have desperately wanted to report him to the police; however, I was too scared because I was worried, he might take it out on my mother who was vulnerable.

My mother has been in physical and mental abusive relationships in the past and I know what happens when things get reported. I became increasingly distressed for my mother’s safety, now becoming more isolated from her as the friend and SS had taken over control. 

In preparation for the move, I asked SS for support with helping my mother to pack up because I was no longer in a position to help due to my mother’s friend’s aggressive behaviour towards me (which they were fully aware of), I was told no.  This meant, I would have to go to my mother’s flat on the day of the move to inform the removal men what to take, as my mother (due to her dementia) was not able to make decisions. 

Because I was so scared in case of meeting my mother’s friend, I asked SS for support with the move, they said no and advised me to contact the police.  The move did not take place in the end, because my mother’s friend took it upon himself to call the Head Office of the Independent Living Complex the day before, to say my mother no longer wanted to move. As a result, she did not move. There have been multiple occasions where the same friend has interfered with my mother’s care plan and as a result has put her at risk. 

In another incident (March 2023) I found the friend had sat in on my mother's consultations with GP, despite them being aware of an inappropriate relationship between my mother and her friend.   As a result, I had to ask for a notification to be place on her medical notes asking for him not to be allowed in on her future consultations.

I had tried to warn SS countless times either verbally, by email or phone about her vulnerability and the influence of my mother’s friend was having on her and for over a year consistently they completely ignored me and wouldn’t help me,  in fact they included him in her care package. 

At one point (March 20203) I was informed by SS they had consulted with other professionals and decided any concerns regarding my mother’s friend “have not been substantiated”.  In fact, I was told by SS he was “Pivotal to my mother’s her care package as without him they would have to reconsider whether she would still be able to live in the community.”

 Before my mother was admitted to the nursing home, It was clear she had been struggling with her dementia for some considerable time, carers were finding it increasingly difficult to get her to washed (previously she was very particular) resulting in often smelling of urine, having frequent urine infections, refusing to eat, often leaving her front door unlocked because she lost her keys and leaving the gas on.  

She was also found frequently wearing summer clothes in the middle of winter, sometimes walking outside in bare feet, her flat was unkept (previously very house proud), and she was seen wondering the streets alone (local shop keepers contacted SS as they were concerned). 

What state had my mother ended up in for SS to put her in a home at short notice and why can’t they tell me?   When I was told my mother had been placed in the Nursing Home, I asked SS what had happened to her cat (which she adored), I was told the cat had been rehoused (without my knowledge).  I was then asked why I wanted to know about the cat.  When I told them the cat was very important to my mother and I wanted to look after it, I was told, “It was not my responsibility.”   Sadly I don’t have the cat.

As a result of the way I have been treated throughout this whole situation by SS, Mr Phillips (the scammer) and my mother’s friend, I have found myself feeling isolated (have no idea of what is happening to my mother’s home or belongings), scared and powerless, It has cost me my relationship with my mother, my mental and physical health has suffered and it has also had a negative impact on my own family, when all I have been trying to do is protect my mother.

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  • dx100uk changed the title to Problems with social services - various issues surrounding my mother who is now in a nursing home.

thread title updated.

this is a sad story.

if you've not been told in writing you cannot access your mothers flat, then a way around getting your possession, which you are legally entitled to collect, might be to hang around nearby wait for someone to enter , then follow them in.

just musing..

as for the whole situation, it's not really something this forum nor have i seen it's members or siteteam are experienced in sadly.

dx

please don't hit Quote...just type we know what we said earlier..

DCA's view debtors as suckers, marks and mugs

NO DCA has ANY legal powers whatsoever on ANY debt no matter what it's Type

and they

are NOT and can NEVER  be BAILIFFS. even if a debt has been to court..

If everyone stopped blindly paying DCA's Tomorrow, their industry would collapse overnight... 

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Hi dx100uk and jk2054,

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, my mother is in a Nursing Home.

It is sad and I would really like to do something about it if I can.  I am wondering if anyone might be able to offer any advice on how I can approach SS (including using Keywords/phrases), as I don’t know how to deal with them.  Any further advice I would appreciate.

Thank you

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi,

Thank you for your sympathies regarding my mother’s situation, it has been an ordeal. 

I know I’ve not heard back from the forum, I would just like to ask a couple of last questions regarding 2 letters I have received (1st  from Social Services and the 2nd  HM Courts & Tribunals Service).  If anyone is able offer any help or suggestions, much appreciated.

 

Letter 1 (from ss) – (This is in regard to them asking me to hand over the keys to my mother’s flat).

‘Please can you bring the keys with you that your arranged to be changed?  These will need to be passed onto JMD law following our visit.  Moving forward, you will be able to attend the property by arranging an appointment with JMD law as they have taken on the responsibility of protecting your mother’s property as ordered by the court.  This has been put in place by the court because the keys were not returned to the local authority, which meant we were unable to protect her property whilst she has been in the nursing home.’

My question is: 

I have not received any written confirmation from JMD law to say they have been appointed deputyship by the court for my mother’s Finances and Property affairs.  Can I hold on to the keys until they are appointed instead of giving them to SS?  

                                        *******************************************************************************************

Letter 2 - (HM Courts & Tribunals Service)

This is in response to the N244 Form I sent off.   It reads: -

Dear Sir/Madam,

Your paperwork has been returned for the reason indicated below:

If you are not a solicitor but acting as the Defendant’s Litigation Friend please submit the necessary legal documentation/information that the Litigation Friend is permitted to submit and sign the N244 application.  Please contact your local court for this documentation.

If you do not act for the Defendant, the named party will need to state their details on the N244 application at section 1 and date the N244 application at sections 10 and 11.

Please note that your application has been returned as it cannot be processed without the application fee of £275.  Cheques or postal orders should be made payable to HMCTS. 

Alternatively, you can pay by credit or debit card by phoning the CNBC Helpdesk.  We do not offer outbound telephone calls for fee payments.

Alternatively, if you believe that you may be eligible for help with fees, you can apply for help by completing an EX160 application, etc………

My Question is:

My mother’s finances and property affairs are going through the process of being taken over by deputyship.   

I don't know what to do, should I pass this onto them? 

 

Thank You

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50 minutes ago, Tosca 2 said:

I have not received any written confirmation from JMD law to say they have been appointed deputyship by the court for my mother’s Finances and Property affairs.

then you need to contact the court and tell them so.

50 minutes ago, Tosca 2 said:

This is in response to the N244 Form I sent off.

why did you file a set a side, a set aside for what? this is the 1st mention of this here....

dx

 

please don't hit Quote...just type we know what we said earlier..

DCA's view debtors as suckers, marks and mugs

NO DCA has ANY legal powers whatsoever on ANY debt no matter what it's Type

and they

are NOT and can NEVER  be BAILIFFS. even if a debt has been to court..

If everyone stopped blindly paying DCA's Tomorrow, their industry would collapse overnight... 

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Hi dx100uk

Thank you for getting back to me.  In answer to your question.

I contacted the forum back in February to ask for advice regarding a court judgment that was issued to my mother for the sum of £7,000+. 

The claim was made by the leaseholder who owns the main building where my mother's flat is in (my mother owns the 99 year lease for her own flat) and was to do with a dispute over the cost for work carried out to the flat directly underneath my mother's (where the leaseholder's brother lived).

I received a reply from the forum - Lolerz (Feb 25th), who advised me to apply for an N244 set aside due to my mother’s mental capacity (she has had dementia for a long while which has been deteriorating and had to move into a care home in last September). 

Also, the post mentioned, CPR21.3 – no further steps in the proceedings should be taken if a party involved losses their mental capacity and does not have a litigation friend to handle it on their behalf. 

A judgment should never have been entered in the first place. 

To make it easier to understand the situation behind applying for an N244,

I have copied below the link to Lolerz's  post dated Feb 25th.

 

Thank you.

 

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then go update that thread thats nothing to do with this problem

please don't hit Quote...just type we know what we said earlier..

DCA's view debtors as suckers, marks and mugs

NO DCA has ANY legal powers whatsoever on ANY debt no matter what it's Type

and they

are NOT and can NEVER  be BAILIFFS. even if a debt has been to court..

If everyone stopped blindly paying DCA's Tomorrow, their industry would collapse overnight... 

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23 hours ago, dx100uk said:
On 11/04/2024 at 23:19, Tosca 2 said:

I have not received any written confirmation from JMD law to say they have been appointed deputyship by the court for my mother’s Finances and Property affairs.

then you need to contact the court and tell them so.

is where you stand now on this thread

dx

 

please don't hit Quote...just type we know what we said earlier..

DCA's view debtors as suckers, marks and mugs

NO DCA has ANY legal powers whatsoever on ANY debt no matter what it's Type

and they

are NOT and can NEVER  be BAILIFFS. even if a debt has been to court..

If everyone stopped blindly paying DCA's Tomorrow, their industry would collapse overnight... 

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