Cheekiness towards a DCA

[ODC]

Oh look its the RESPECT leader and full cabinet

 

[Guest Orwell72]

Full Cabinet whats it full of?

[mr.ton]

Hello everybody - hows my thread coming along?

Hope u all got out & gave the government a good bashing in the local elections today - i did

 

BREAKING NEWS!

Fuel protest at the stanlow oil refinery - tanks are bing turned away, this story has just broke in the past hour.

Gonna be chaos & no fuel tomorrow morning!

[Goldlady]

Full Cabinet whats it full of?

 

Of course, vital part of the manifesto we forgot. A full cabinet must be available to members at all times:D. Whisky for me please.

[The GodMother]

Sounds like a fine idea to me Goldlady. We'll need a manifesto and a few policies, so here's a few ideas:

• Income tax to be reduced to 5p in the pound.
  
• Tax on fuel, cigarettes and alcohol to be removed completely. Thats a good idea my OH will love that one
  
• Scrap the Barnett formula and distribute the money fairly around all councils in the UK. That way, if the Jocks want free central heating, university places etc., they can bloody well pay for it themselves. They already have the tax-raising powers but, not surprisingly, they'd prefer the English to pay. Yep Fully agree
  
• Have a referendum on the European Constitution.
  
• Turn the Police 'Service' back into a Police 'Force' and make them start dealing with proper crime instead of persecuting motorists and people who put golliwogs in shop windows. Defently
  
• Bring the Army back home from Iraq and Afghanistan and replace them with every DCA employee. Then tip off Al Quaeda with the whereabouts of the Blair Oliver and Scott and Credit Solutions regiments. No Comment, getting my practise in, Fully agree.
  
• Sack the 500,000 additional civil servants who have been employed by Broon to make our lives a misery and make them do real jobs. Yep and make them do something like sweeping the roads.
  
• Scrap charges for going a few pence over your funding limit YEP YEP YEP
  
• Ban the following TV programmes:
  • Soap Operas NO some of them are good at times.
    
  • 'Reality' TV Shows YEP
    
  • Anything at all featuring Cilla Black or Terry Bloody Wogan God yes

  [*]An outright ban on political correctness in all its forms.

I could probably go on, but that will do for starters.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

 

Like that maybe we should come up with a bit more

[The GodMother]

I like your style fred

 

how about a few bits n bobs in there about

 

• the ever rising council tax that seems to pay for things i dont use or need apart from rubbish collection, ill keep my £1300 thanks. Yep and make them account for every single penny they want.
  
• public transport costs being GREATLY reduced i understand the need for fare rises in fuel consuming methods, but electric bloody trams?? yep and scrap the fully free bus pass for the elderly as they thing they are entitled to get on the bus and take up the buggy/wheelchair places or even attempt to push me over to get on the bus and then moan loudly when they have to walk more than a few steps to the nearest seat.
  
• immigration. that old stickler. STOP letting every other nation in Europe into this country, keep our jobs for the layabouts affected by my next proposal... God yes scrap the imigration
  
• Change the welfare state. an 18 yr old who has never worked a day cos they are too lazy is NOT entitled to benefits, where are there contributions?!! Yep
  
• rise in the national pension Yep but make sure it is fair as the ppl that cant work for medical reasons are alread getting less than half of what the pensioners get a week

Im done.

 

A few more would be great.

[The GodMother]

Of course, vital part of the manifesto we forgot. A full cabinet must be available to members at all times:D. Whisky for me please.

 

Done GL

 

oddly enough this is one of the last thngs to come up.

 

OK who is going to run the party and what DCAs are we going to use as our tea/drink boys and our foot stools.

[cashins]

Good night at the polls then, or should we just say Goodnight!!

[Guest Orwell72]

it would appear that Mr Brown is being charged Councillors at the same rate we are paying tax !!!

[Fred Bassett]

Full Cabinet whats it full of?

 

By the look of things, the full cabinet is full of people who ought to start looking around for a new job in 2010 or before. So there is a god.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Hello everybody - hows my thread coming along?

Hope u all got out & gave the government a good bashing in the local elections today - i did

 

BREAKING NEWS!

Fuel protest at the stanlow oil refinery - tanks are bing turned away, this story has just broke in the past hour.

Gonna be chaos & no fuel tomorrow morning!

 

Mr Ton, I didn't because this time around it wasn't my turn. But I was there in spirit.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

A few more would be great.

 

Godmother, you wrote: "yep and scrap the fully free bus pass for the elderly as they thing they are entitled to get on the bus and take up the buggy/wheelchair places or even attempt to push me over to get on the bus and then moan loudly when they have to walk more than a few steps to the nearest seat."

 

As a motorist I say we have to keep free bus travel for the elderly. Have you any idea what it's like to live in the sticks where you travel on twisting, turning country roads with nowhere safe to overtake, only to be stuck behind some old f**t driving at 30 mph?. Not only keep it free, but make it bloody compulsory. That is until (and if ) I reach 70!

 

Fred

[Guest Orwell72]

By the look of things, the full cabinet is full of people who ought to start looking around for a new job in 2010 or before. So there is a god.

 

Fred

 

 

Ok then maybe we should help these ministers with some careers advice so which minister would be good for what roles in the real world?

[mr.ton]

Really happy about the bashing Labour got at these local elections - their worst results in 40 years

If the government decides to pay off everyone's debts in this country..starting with every member on here , then i might just spare them at the next election.....nah come to think of it, they can pay off my debts & ill still vote against them

[Fred Bassett]

Ok then maybe we should help these ministers with some careers advice so which minister would be good for what roles in the real world?

 

Orwell, you really are missing what is right underneath your nose.

 

What is a Government Minister best at? - Lying, cheating, ripping people off and distorting the truth.

 

What do DCAs do?: Lie, cheat, rip people off and distort the truth.

 

Easy isn't it?

 

Fred

[Guest Orwell72]

Can you picture it

 

YOU ANSWER PHONE

 

Can I talk with Mr X on an urgent banking matter

Mr X: Are jesting me

GB: can I run you through a few security questions

Mr X : with your track record of losing information and over charging - IN WRITTING ONLY

 

[mr.ton]

You cant beat the original

[Fred Bassett]

You cant beat the original

 

Mr. Ton, I could imagine the following conversation:

 

"hello, is that Mr Bassett?"

"Yep"

"My name's Gordon Brown and I'm from Brown Oliver and Scott, for security purposes, could you please confirm your post code and date of birth"

"I'll do that, but to ensure my security, would you please answer a few questions for me?"

"OK"

1. "Are you the same Gordon Brown who robbed Pension Funds in this Country to the tune of about £5 billion per year?
   
2. Are you the same Gordon Brown that has imposed a 70% tax on fuel?
   
3. Are you the same Gordon Brown that doubled income tax for people on low wages?
   
4. Are you the same Gordon Brown that more-or-less gave away this country's gold reserves?
   
5. Are you the same Gordon Brown that sold Great Britain down the river to Europe by reneging on your promise to give us a referendum on the European Constitution?
   
6. Are you the same Gordon Brown under whose government the personal details of virtually every citizen of the United Kingdom has been lost?"

"Yes"

"That will do, now f*** off, because I don't want to talk to you"

 

Ah, wouldn't it be nice?

 

Fred

[sortingitout]

For the last few weeks, when replying to DCAs (only ever in writing) i put what i need/want to at the top, then i put a picture of something..

 

This is a banana, i like to eat them.

 

 

That was the last one i done, other such images have included Micheal Jackson a sheep and a really cute looking donkey. There only reply..

I am perplexed why you have included a picture of a sheep in your letter dated ../../...., but in reply to your letter........

I also sent last year a ten page letter to MoorCrap, that i copied from some ware, on why they should join Scientology, with included pictures of mad looking aliens (thetans) never had a reply.

 

My other acts of stupidness include sending letters in 'landscape' with no spaces, hard to read would be an understatement.

[Fred Bassett]

For the last few weeks, when replying to DCAs (only ever in writing) i put what i need/want to at the top, then i put a picture of something..

 

This is a banana, i like to eat them.

 

 

That was the last one i done, other such images have included Micheal Jackson a sheep and a really cute looking donkey. There only reply..

I am perplexed why you have included a picture of a sheep in your letter dated ../../...., but in reply to your letter........

I also sent last year a ten page letter to MoorCrap, that i copied from some ware, on why they should join Scientology, with included pictures of mad looking aliens (thetans) never had a reply.

 

My other acts of stupidness include sending letters in 'landscape' with no spaces, hard to read would be an understatement.

 

I like that approach. There are a few who I have decided not to write to at all. Now I might. I think I'll bullet point each paragraph with a donkey. I wonder if they'll get the message.

 

Fred

[The GodMother]

OMG this is just what i need at this time of the morning to laugh so much that i am now comfy.

 

is it ok for me to Nick a few ideas like the bullet pointing of each paragraph and the putting letters in landscap and putting in no puncuation.

 

thanks for making me feel better.

[ODC]

Saves having to write to them in C ra yo n

[The GodMother]

no we can still do that as it would be just as fun.

 

we could also write to them making sure we use every colour of the rainbow and asking them if it looks pretty?

[sortingitout]

Has anyone ever written a letter, then used babblefish to translate it into French, Spanish etc and had a reply?

 

I might give it a go:D

[Rahl]

There are these babblefish translator boxes that you can talk into and what comes out the end is the translated language of your choice. Which would be a useful tool to reply to the DCA's in polish or botswanese on the telephone with . Bit pricey at the moment I think thou.