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DMD's Disturbing jokes thread **Not for the faint hearted **


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Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

 

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

 

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

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There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

 

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

 

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

 

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

 

They buried her.

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Im really sorry bout this one, not really funny but may make you sick. Mods, feel free to remove....

 

A leper walked into a bar and sat down.

The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you.

That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

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Im really sorry bout this one, not really funny but may make you sick. Mods, feel free to remove....

 

A leper walked into a bar and sat down.

The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you.

That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

 

HAHAHA!!!!! :D Nice one!!

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leper.jpg

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not disturbing like some stuff on here but.....

 

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms but kept the same tag-line:

 

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better.

 

Tesco Condoms - every little helps.

 

Nike Condoms - Just do it.

 

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.

 

Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.

 

KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.

 

Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

 

Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.

 

Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.

 

Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.

 

Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.

 

Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop.

 

Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper.

 

Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide.

 

Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

 

Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.

 

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.

 

Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.

 

Renault condoms - size really does matter!

 

Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin.

 

Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim ! ! ! (Please).

 

Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.

 

Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world.

 

AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service.

 

Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal.

 

Polo condoms - the condom with the hole

 

Macdonalds - Im lovin' it

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what is the definition of gross.

 

dreaming you are eating cottage cheese and then waking up with someones granny sitting on your face.

Please note that although my advice is offered, you should consult your legal representative before taking ANY action.

 

 

have a nice day !!

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