Desperately Need Advice

[carolinealone]

I have had the most terrible 6 months, something like a really bad soap opera, the problem is this, my doctor thinks I may have suffered a nervous breakdown in January and has referred my for emergency counselling but this could still take 4-6 weeks.

 

The major problem I have is this, since January I have spent 8K on my company credit card and I honestly dont know what I have been doing, my full history is below, but my personality totally changed after Christmas, I have become distgustingly flirty, coarse and open. I have been "acting" overly happy and cheerful and optimistic, when actually I was just dying inside, every day. I am a receptionist and Facility Manager which doesnt afford me the ability to just be myself, I have to be cheerful and accomodating.

 

Here is my history:

• Nov 2011

o Partner of 14 years goes away on business trip to Asia for 3 weeks

o Partner returns and leaves home needing time to think

o Caroline celebrates birthday alone

o Caroline Admitted to A&E with SVT

• Dec 2011

o Ex-Partner tells her he needs time to think and there is no one else

o Caroline spends Christmas break alone

o Caroline attempts suicide

o Caroline admitted to A&E with SVT

o Caroline spends New Year alone

• Jan 2012

o Ex-Partner still reassures her he needs time to think

o Caroline is scheduled for a Cardiac Ablation Operation

o Ex-Partner is away in Canada at that time

o Caroline goes through heart operation & recovery only with support of colleagues

o Ex-Partner removes all financial assistance

o Caroline comes off her anti-depressants to be able to stop smoking using Champix

• Feb 2012

o Ex-Partner reveals he fell in love whilst Asia with a colleague, we both know

o He left Caroline for her, Caroline is devastated, again

o Ex-Partner empties her apartment whilst she is at work, leaving only a few items

o Caroline tries to be strong and negotiates new role with increased salary

o Caroline for the first time in months thinks things are going her way

• Mar 2012

o [Company] announce merger with [Another]

o Caroline is openly devastated at announcement, the thoughts of losing her friends and security.

o Caroline starts to spiral without her medication, but believes she will be strong enough

o Caroline displays uncharacteristic behaviour, openly flirty and coarse

o Caroline feels out of control but feels that work is levelling her and providing purpose

• Apr 2012

o Many redundancies occur at [Location]

o Morale is extremely low and atmosphere is oppressively negative

o Caroline tries to remain chirpy and cheerful and raise peoples spirits

o Caroline visits doctors to resume anti depressant medication

o Caroline is scolded by doctor for taking herself off them

o Counselling is offered but with a 4 month wait time

• May 2012

o Caroline discovers that her partner, who left 6 months ago, conceived a child with his

girlfriend 5 months ago.

o Caroline’s hope is destroyed, any chance of reconciliation obliterated.

o Caroline’s medication will not take effect for another 3 weeks

o Caroline approaches ex partner to apologise for spends on his credit card

o Ex-Partner reveals no spends on his card

o Caroline logs in to [EDIT] to discover all spends have been on company card

o Caroline informs [EDIT] in HR of error

 

 

• 6 Month Overview

o Caroline just “goes through the motions”

o Feels as if she is running on auto pilot

o Caroline displays uncharacteristic behaviour

o Becomes un organised and forgetful

o Caroline was tormented by her ex-partner, giving false hope, only to crush her over and over again

o Caroline’s financial situation is dire and she has trouble eating and sleeping

o Caroline took herself off her lifelong anti depressants in a bid to quit smoking

o Caroline spiralled into depression and masked it by being, flirty, suggestive and coarse

 

 

 

The problem I have is that I owned up to the spend and now I have a Gross Misconduct hearing on Thursday.

 

I cannot lose my job, jobs here in the UK are scarce and after everything I have lost I cannot lose my home. I have 4 cats which are my life, I have no family or friends. If I lose my home, I lose my cats, I just dont know what I can do too keep my job and wondered if anyone here can advise me.

 

I have sold my car and some chairs I own so I can pay them 2K immediately and have devised a repayment plan over 27 months. My reviews have always been fantastic having worked there for 3 years. I have always been regarded as honest and trustworthy, but the past 6 months something went wrong and everything became fuzzy.

 

Any advise would be greatly appreciated, if nothing else, this is clearing the fog and re prioritising everything in my head, but I need to keep my job.

 

Caroline

Edited June 4, 2012 by ims21

[rebel11]

Hi caro

 

Welcome to CAG

 

Do you want to edit some of the info, e.g. like locations etc. People might know who you are through that info.

 

The guys will be happy to advise as soon as they are available.

 

Please let us know how your problem has been resolved, it could help fellow Caggers.

[lbruk]

Hi, sorry to hear about all those problems.

 

I think it was extremely brave of you to admit that you had taken the money off the card. Now this is where things get slightly complicated. I think that you have suffered a nervous breakdown and have probably been in and out of depression. Now depression and breakdown affect people in loads of ways. This includes affecting your ability to thnk and perception of things and has to be taken into account when things like this happen.

 

If can I would see if your GP/consultant can try to establish what has gone on and how it affected you. Now a therapist is best for this as they will have the time to speak to you, but it could still take several sessions to work out how this affected you. I think that your employer should make a reasonable adjustment in terms of allowing your to get treatment before making decisions about your employment. I really believe that if you had not been suffering from this then you would not have done what you did.

 

The Equality Act 2010 will protect you if you are disabled, this means that you find normal day to day activities harder than most people and that it has or will last for at least 12 months. I think you qualify for both and therefore your employer is bound to help you with reasonable adjustments.

 

It might be worth going into the meeting with examples like the above and to request help under the Equality Act.

[transient]

Would suggest site team amend the post as I believe from information on there I know where she works and with job role mentioned easily narrowed down

[ims21]

Have edited the post

 

Caroline...please be careful with the detail you post

 

Thanks

 

ims

[carolinealone]

Thanks both,

 

I copied it from a list for my company. Transient, do you know me?

[transient]

Thanks both,

 

I copied it from a list for my company. Transient, do you know me?

No I dont so dont worry but working in certain fields it is easy to deduce where you work. Just concerned incase others may have seen your post

[carolinealone]

Thank you so much hun x

[carolinealone]

Got fired today

[honeybee13]

Hello Caroline.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. What did they say to you and do you have anything in writing?

 

My best, HB

[carolinealone]

They said that my partner of 14 years leaving, having heart surgery in January, followed by a miscarriage in February, being doagnosed with PTSD and a Disassociative Disorder were no excuse.

 

Letter will arrive tomorrow.

[lbruk]

Well, that's unbelievable!

 

Ask them what their stress management policy is, what are their risk assessments etc.

 

It sounds like you have a really good case

[carolinealone]

I have 7 days to appeal their descision, but dont want to rock the boat too much as I dont want them to persue criminal charges.

 

I am going to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau tomorrow

[lbruk]

I don't think they would be silly enough to go to criminal charges, but i completely understand your fear of this.

[Gbarbm]

Hi Caroline

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your tribulations; I can only imagine how you must feel at the moment but you will come out the other side. As my nanna used to say "iron doesn't become steel until it's been through the fire" (she also used to say have you put the cat in the oven! but thats another story )

Having read about the behaviours you exhibited, it would appear to me that you were suffering from an episode of manic depression. Have you been to your GP to ask for a pyschiatric referral; not only will the correct diagnosis ensure that you receive the correct treatment but it will serve as proof to DWP that you did not voluntarily make yourself unemployed.

 

Kind regards

Gbarbm x

[ErikaPNP]

My goodness Caroline, what an awful time you have endured. My name's Erika, I'm one of the site team and my main area on the forum is benefit entitlement so I'm going to advise you about that side of it.

 

The main benefit for people who are out of work is Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA). To claim JSA you must be actively seeking and available for employment. It would involve 'signing on' once a fortnight at your local jobcentre where you would explain what you had done each fortnight to seek work. If you apply for JSA, they will ask you for the reason your employment was terminated and they will also ask your employer. If they discover that you had your employment terminated as a result of gross misconduct they may apply what is known as a sanction to your claim. A sanction is where they stop payment of the benefit for a specified period and can last up to a maximum of 26 weeks. During a sanction, you still have to attend the jobcentre and sign on but receive no monetary benefit - though hardship can be claimed. However I do not think that JSA is the correct benefit for you. I say this because from what you have told us, you appear to be suffering dreadfully from depression and I wonder if that makes you unfit for work at the moment. Although you have been working is that because you were able to or because you had to? Have you been pushing yourself too hard? Has the recent termination resulted in an exacerbation of your depression? These are things to consider when you are thinking of whether you are fit for work at the moment.

 

If you are unfit for work, there is another benefit that you can claim. It's called Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) and is for people who due to illness or incapacity are not fit for work. There are no sanctions on ESA for losing your job and no requirement to attend the jobcentre once a fortnight to sign on - though you may be asked to attend for other reasons from time to time. All you need to do to make the initial claim is go to your GP for a MED3 ( a 'fit note' - they used to be called 'sick notes') certifying that you are unfit for work then ring 0800 055 6688 between 8-6 monday to friday. This is the ESA claim line. A call operator will go through the application with you and take it from there. You will then send in your MED3. From here you enter what is known as the 'assessment phase'. This is meant to last for 13 weeks but it can last longer. It is the same amount as JSA is at a rate of £71.00 per week (assuming you are over 25 years old). However you will toward the end of the assessment phase be summoned to an assessment with a company called ATOS who will assess whether they agree if you are still unfit for work if they agree that you are, your weekly money will increase to either £99.15 if they think you are fit for some work related activity or £105.05 if they think that you are unfit for any kind of work related activity. You can come off ESA once you and your GP feel that you are fit to work again. If you were to get your job back at a later stage you would no longer be able to claim ESA but you could possibly claim statutory sick pay until you feel well enough again (or until SSP exhausts in which case you would go back on ESA). You can also get ESA if you do not qualify for SSP.

 

Now, are you receiving tax credits at all? If so you need to inform them that you are no longer working and of the decrease in your household income. If you are not, you do not need to claim unless you have children (though if at any stage you return to work you should look to see if you are eligible for working tax credit). The telephone number for tax credit is 0345 300 3900 and they are open from 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday and from 8am to 4pm on a Saturday.

 

Do you rent? If so, claim housing benefit for assistance toward your rent from your local council.

 

If you have a mortgage you may be able to get help toward the interest of it after 13 weeks of claiming JSA or ESA. This is called Support for Mortgage Interest.

 

If you pay council tax, claim council tax benefit from your local council.

 

If you have no savings, no income and no way to meet your immediate living expenses whilst you wait for a benefit claim to go into payment, you can claim a Crisis Loan as an alignment to benefit. They can help by paying you a little money (it is not very much 60% of weekly benefit if you are a homeowner or 30% if you are not) toward food and if you have gas/electricity metres that take coins, cards or tokens they can help toward this too. It is interest free and is repaid by deducting a weekly amount from your benefit when the claim goes into payment - they will tell you the amount offered and the repayment rate before you agree to it. To apply for a Crisis Loan call 0800 032 7958 between 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday. They are less busy early in the morning and it can be really difficult to get through - if you can't get through and are desperate for food, google 'food parcels' and the area you live in to find your local food parcel provider.

 

I hope this information helps you. It is a bit of information overload for now but you can always come back and read it at your leisure to check things. I'm normally around in the evenings but might not be around much next week however there are plenty other people who can help in the benefit subforum.

[carolinealone]

Hi, Thanks for all the information.

 

I am not receiving tax credits and I have no children.

 

I privately rent my flat.

 

So, what should be my first point of call, the Council Offices, Citizens Advice?

 

Thanks

 

Caroline

[ErikaPNP]

You are going to the CAB tomorrow is that right? If so, continue with that. They may be able to assist you in making your claims to benefit which would relieve the pressure on you somewhat. Some CABs have a stock of claim forms on site and some CABs will help you to complete them. Some can act in a representative capacity and deal with any issues on your behalf - but they won't do this without your permission. Bring any information about your income/capital and ask them for a 'benefit check'. Being local to you, they will know more about your LHA rate (this is a calculation used to decide how much housing benefit is payable to a private tenant and it depends on the area you live in as it is based on market rents). A full benefit calculation by the CAB will give you a guide to how much you could expect to receive in total weekly benefit (all the benefit combined).

 

You can also do your own calculation here if you feel like fiddling around with it tonight. CAB's checks are more robust though than the onsite ones.

 

I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible to discuss your health for two reasons - to ensure you are getting the best help and to obtain a MED3 if you are unfit for work. You will need a MED3 to claim ESA and will need to keep providing them until after you are assessed by ATOS.