Should I Report My Ex For Benefit Fraud and Contest Custody of my Child???!!!

[Haguilera]

I have just found out that my ex has been claiming to be a single parent, living with her grandmother since our son was born in Jan07!! She lived with me from Dec04 - Sept12 but claimed benefits; working tax etc as a single parent and even told them she did not know who the father was!! I find this unbelievable considering I am on the birth certificate, he has my surname and has lived with me since birth!!

 

Now we have split up she is claiming that she has full legal custody of him and I really dont know where I stand??? At the moment I have him overnight 3 nights a wk and until 7pm after school 3 days a wk so I can take him to football, kickboxing and swimming lessons but I dont have anything official and as it stands I dont think I have any rights.

 

I have my own house (which i had before we met) but she currently lives with her mother, her mothers b/f and her brother. My son sleeps in a double bed with his mother, which I am appalled at!!

 

I am unsure on how to progress as if i report her, my son will obviously suffer from the financial penalties she incurs and also as it stands she hasn't tried to take my house but if I do try and contest custody and the CSA get involved then God knows what could happen!!

 

Should I just keep my mouth shut??? I really dont know!!!

 

Thanks for reading, any advice/support will be greatfuly recieved!!

 

Haguilera

[scotgal68]

Firstly she has no claim on your property.

Secondly what benefit to you would reporting her for benefit fraud bring? And lastly during the time she was living with you as a couple, you would've benefited from the money the fraud generated (if you were sharing living costs)

The custody issue is separate, you as a father, have rights. You seem to be enjoying those rights as you are

mutually sharing your sons upbringing. It seems to be working for you both.

To have an judge rule on this arrangement in an official capacity will cost you legal representation.

Custody hearings can turn nasty and you might end up worse off, both financially and the relationship with your sons mother.

My advice is to keep the current arrangement casual, as it is, don't upset the apple cart.

Reporting your ex for fraud just isn't nice, you're right your son could suffer.

You could however, if you need the money and you met the conditions, claim for a % of benefits she receives as you share care 50/50.

Put the needs of your son first - if things go pear shaped with the current arrangements, then you could go down the legal route x

[id6052]

it may be that she was entitled to that money, but just kept it quiet from you

 

if you know for a fact that she has been committing benefit fraud, then i would advise contacting the DWP, HMRC or LA and letting them look into the matter

 

however i am concerned that you are doing this to get back at your partner, which could come back to bite you

 

honestly, i think you need to take a step back and separate any benefit fraud from the ongoing issues you and your former partner have

[Guest]

For what its worth I agree with scotgal. Its probably worth mentioning that if your name is on his birth certificate and he has your name, then you do have parental rights, and as scotgal has said you are having your fair share of contact with him.

 

Keeping things amicable between you and his mother is the way to be, if the sleeping arrangements bother you then maybe between you both you could buy him a single bed.

 

If ever you take the legal route, the court will not be happy with warring parents, they take a dim view of it, their only concern being the child. I say this as a close friend of someone who has been through it, and so have witnessed it in action.

 

You sound like a lovely Father and he is a lucky boy, and he will love you more for making life easier rather than harder for you all.

 

All the best.

[LaughingGirl]

I agree that trying to keep this amicable is the best solution for you, your child and your ex-partner.

 

You're right that Mum and child sharing a double bed is unacceptable - how about having a chat with her and offering to help her with a housing application? There's more than just the council waiting list these days...she might be entitled to help with a deposit on something privately rented, for example.

 

Ruby's right - you sound like a great Dad, and you're doing all the right things already. Don't complicate or aggravate the situation unless you're seriously concerned about your son's welfare.

[abc123def]

Sharing a bed with your mother is not unacceptable, co-sleeping is completely normal in many cultures and will not harm the child. It is unusual in British culture but not unheard of and certainly is not evidence of abuse or neglect.

[LaughingGirl]

Hang on a mo, that's fine if Mums sharing a bed because she wants to, but no - if she has to do it because she's in over crowded accommodation it's not acceptable.

 

Also, nowhere did I state that the child was at risk because of bed sharing, and in fact the thought had never even entered my mind.

[aw248]

I agree with some of the replies above, I think you should speak to your ex and explain how she is in wrong and could get her in a lot of problems in the future and how much you care for your son and her and she needs to sort all these problems sensibly and you will support her.

I think you must put your son first before you take any action, sometimes you have to take a lot of pain for your loved ones. I wouldn't take any actions that would give my children problems. So please think of your son and try to approach this problem sensibly, if she carries on like this she will be caught one day and be punished for doing wrong. So why should you get the blame for her suffering.

Sorry if i haven't explained properly of if i have made any mistakes in my wording, i am just trying to give you my opinion from my heart.

[assisted blonde]

As far as I can see you have good access arrangements and your son is happy, good idea the one about offering to buy a single bed. Although I totally disagree with benefit fraud you have to look at the bigger picture and you son is whats important. However good a father you are the chances of you getting full custody are about Nil and it will cost you a lot of money so really forget that one as apart from anything else why upset your son.

secondly do you pay her regular maintenence, this dosnt have to be through a court order or the CSA just do you pay her? If not I would suggest that youy do, if you already pay her is it sufficient ? prehaps she has money problems and a bit extra from you would stop her making false claims for benefits, you must have known she was claiming incorrectly while she lived with you so TBH it sounds a bit like sour grapes or just getting at her if you report her now.

Its hard when you are the father and living apart but think of your son, keep things friendly if you can

[Haguilera]

Thank you all for ur replies, I tend to agree completely with all of you!

 

We split up after I found out she has a chronic gambling addiction and stole over £1000 from me after i paid off the £1000 "Wonga" loans she had built up!!

 

I'd like to point out that I never benefited from her fraud as she never paid a penny towards the mortgage or any bills in the 8yrs she lived here! She worked 30hrs a wk and would pay for food and nothing else. Naively I did not know about her habit or that she was claiming ANYTHING but she was getting £60/w child benefit, £80/m income support and £300+/m working tax credit on top of her £800/m take home pay!! Thats more than I get to myself after i've paid all the bills!!

 

Assisted blonde, how much do you think I should be giving her considering I have my son as much, if not more than her??

 

She doesnt want to move out of her mothers cos she has it as easy there as she had it here - i.e contributes £0 and has a live-in babysitter!!

 

And yes maybe I am a bit bitter but I am gonna take the advice I've received and do nothing about her fraud!!

 

As for my son, I think I am going to apply for Joint Custody. Does anyone have any info on that please??

[Sparks_]

You need legal advice on the joint custody of your child, your ex is going to be in a lot of trouble when the benefits agency catch up with her if she was claiming IS and working at the same time and I say when not if cause they will eventually!

 

As for supporting your child I would be wary of giving her money as how can you be sure it will go to the childs keep and not fund her addiction? If you are buying him clothes and anything else he needs then I think you are doing more than what is fair!

[*Thumper]

Lots of issues to address hear

 

Reporting Benefit fraud, can be done anonymously, and the fraud team at the local office will check it out.

 

Your shared care arrangements seem fine, so leave well alone.

 

She can, at anytime inform the CSA, to ask for contributions from you

But this wopuld affect her benefits.

 

If the domestic arrangements are as described

She should talk to Housing, and would be deemed a priority

on the waiting list, and would probably get a referal

to social housing providers.

[Nystagmite]

She can, at anytime inform the CSA, to ask for contributions from you

But this wopuld affect her benefits.

 

Now it doesn't. You can keep full CSA without your benefits being affected.

[Haguilera]

Our shared care arrangements are fine at the mo but she often threatens to stop me seeing him or moving away, changing his schools etc so I want something which gives me a say in these things.

 

She honestly does not want to move out of her mothers, she has it too easy there!!

 

I dont actually hand any cash over to her at the mo as I have him more than her and I buy my him clothing etc and obviously I pay for all his sports activities etc.

[antone]

 

Assisted blonde, how much do you think I should be giving her considering I have my son as much, if not more than her??

 

 

Morally, what you should pay depends very heavily on circumstances we don't know anything about.

 

Legally, if the CSA was to be involved, they would start by assessing 15% of your net income (after tax, NI and I think they allow a pension contribution also). The assessed amount would be reduced somewhat for each night per week that the child stays in your home, and I believe they would also take into account any other children you are currently responsible for, such as those of any current partner you may have and who live with you.

 

The CSA will not allow you to simply buy clothing and other needed stuff for the child, they would insist, in most (all?) cases that it is paid as cash to the mother. Another point is that she can't make a claim backdated to beyond the point she first contacted the CSA - in other words, she couldn't go to them tomorrow and demand maintenance back to the date you split up or anything like that.

[Haguilera]

Just did the CSA calculator - £165/m I would have to give her. Add that to her pay £800/m and other benefits of around £600/m and the fact that she lives with her mother and pays only £50/m to live there and she aint doing too bad at all is she??!!

 

Yet still she claims she cant afford to buy him a bed or take him to any of his sporting activities which cost me around £40/m!!

[antone]

On the face of it, that does sound pretty harsh. Still, I agree with those who say you should consider your son first - as you have been doing - and give it careful thought before stirring this pot. If she is claiming benefits she's not entitled to, she will be found out eventually.

[Haguilera]

I wont be doing itl, if i was gonna grass up her up I would've done it by now!! We had another row yday over the money she owes me and her threatening contact so I was acting out of emotion!! I just think I needed to spk to some independent people to convince me cos my friends are like "to hell with her!!"

 

Still going to see about Joint Custody tho so, again, if anyone has any info or experience of this please let me know!!

 

Thanks again for all ur answers!!

[RaeUK]

I can't offer you advice but I can, at least, thank-you for the thread. I have a total 100% 'benefit fraud should always be reported' attitude. It's a theft that makes all genuine claimants it's victim. It's cumulative effect is what has caused the world to crash around many of us who are sick or disabled in recent years. You can report anonymously, there is no reason not to.

Apart from the fact you've painted a pretty good reason why you sometimes need to think twice.

So, I'll wish you all the best. And, if you don't report it, I have to admit that I do actually understand. Good luck.

[antone]

I wont be doing itl, if i was gonna grass up her up I would've done it by now!! We had another row yday over the money she owes me and her threatening contact so I was acting out of emotion!! I just think I needed to spk to some independent people to convince me cos my friends are like "to hell with her!!"

 

Still going to see about Joint Custody tho so, again, if anyone has any info or experience of this please let me know!!

 

Thanks again for all ur answers!!

 

Oh, I can understand your friends' POV, but yes, I think you were wise to speak to independent people. Even if it was only us on CAG

 

Unfortunately benefits is my focus, and I can't offer any advice on custody issues. I hope someone else will be able to help.

[Guest]

ok with the contact issue, which up to now has been going well with you getting your share? so no real need for court? her threats may well be empty and although upsetting, she hasn't done it upto now. I would be tempted if pushed to the edge to tell her that if she was to do anything to stop your contact or make it hard for you to have, and In doing so deprived your son of the things he enjoys doing with and because of you, that you will have no choice but to take it to court, given that you have parental rights and have had continued regular contact, the court will be only concerned on the fact of the affect on your son of the loss of this, and not the mothers opinion (speaking from recent experience in family court, supporting a friend), also you could remind her that often social services become involved in family court matters and they dig very deeply into both parents, and the benefit issue could be uncovered very easily without a word from you. I hope the court doesn't need to get involved as I can assure you the intervention of social services is not pleasant for anyone involved and it can cause anxiety in the innocient child. However, if she DOES stop contact or deprives her child of his happy social life, she may leave you with no choice.

[Guest]

oh and I do agree that not giving her cash is probably a good idea if you have real reason to believe she is gambling with it, you can provide for your son directly in buying what he needs yourself, i.e. clothes etc and if he seems well fed then that's not a worry. Some Fathers set up direct debits via their bank, so regular payments are recorded and can be proven what was paid and when. just thinking of things that may help you. This is a rotten time for you and I so respect you as a Father. I am sure your regular contact gives your son a sense of security and love that all children need from both parents.

[seanamarts]

If your name is on the birth certificate as the father then you have joint parental responsibly. If you go for joint residency, you will possibly be awarded what you already have now.

 

Then again you may lose some time.

 

You will both be asked for a mediation first before going before the judge and you will have to agree what times you both want. A court appointed officer will be sent out to speak with both of you and the child.

 

If you cannot agree, then it will go before a judge, this can be very unsettling and costly.

 

As for CSA, if you have the same time with the child, then its likely that neither will have to pay CSA.

[Guest]

Its all about the child, and the court will always consider what effects any changes will have on the child. Theyre not interested in hearsay and warring parents, sometimes they judge that neither parent is fit, depending on their behaviours, I have seen some scary judges lol

 

The court appointed officer is usually a childrens guardian and the judge will take direction from them as to what is best for the child, trust me its scary stuff and the decisions about your child are not your decisions to make when it gets that far. The emotional welfare of the child is as important as general welfare, and they scrutinise all involved and any reasoning behind their actions.

 

Given the choice, I would always prefer to keep it amicable where possible and make clear the stance that you do have equal responsibility and will maintain that contact whatever. Hopefully mum will stop the possibly empty threats.

[Stan Lee]

perhaps id, kk or jabba j can keep me right on this, but what if the original poster doesn't report the fraud and it comes to light later: would it not be better to report it now, and let the relevant authorities clear the original poster of any involvement? not meaning to stir the pot, but is there a risk of the op becoming embroiled in an investigation that could have been avoided had he preempted by informing the correct authorities?