dca jokes

[locutus]

Q.What's the difference between a DCA and a soldier?

 

 

 

A.You can't dip a DCA in your egg:p

 

I'd love to test that theory! Can I exchange the egg for a vat of acid tho?

 

 

Q: How can you tell when a DCA is well hung?

 

A: When you can't get your finger between the noose and his neck.

[SOD'EM]

Q. What's the best thing to throw to a drowning DCA?

 

 

 

 

 

A. The rest of the staff.

[babybear39]

:lol:

[locutus]

Q:What's the difference between a DCA and a trampoline?

 

 

A:You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

[ukaviator]

I would just like to stop these aweful rumours about my local DCA operative. It is said that he was so ugly as a kid he was fed with a catapult and his pram had shutters on it so he wouldn't scare the neighbours.

[SOD'EM]

Is that the same DCA who's mum used to tie a pork chop around

his neck so the dog would play with him?

[ukaviator]

A DCA operative walks into the chippie with a two foot cod under his arm and asks the proprietor if they make fish cakes. "Yes" says the bloke behind the counter. So the dca op points to the fish under his arm and says "can you make him one cos it's his birthday on tuesday.

 

 

DCA op is so thick he bought a shorter lead for the kettle to save electricity.

[bazak1]

DCA op in the pub, when he suddenly realised he needed to break wind. The music was really loud, so he timed his "wind breaking" with the beat.After a couple of songs he started to feel much, much better, but as he finished his pint, he noticed that everyone was staring at him, and THEN he remembered..............................He was listening to the music on his ipod !!!

[locutus]

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two DCA's in a Mondeo?

A: A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

[babybear39]

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and two DCA's in a Mondeo?

A: A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

 

:lol:

[locutus]

Q: What is the diference between a catfish and a DCA?

A: One is a bottom feeding **** sucker, the other one is a fish.

[locutus]

Female lawyer, female banker and female DCA all pregnant in the doctors waiting room. They were discussing a book that they all read whilst trying to concieve. This book said whatever position the child was concieved in dictated the sex of the baby. The banker says "Well, thats why I was on top, so it's going to be a girl" the lawyer says "We made sure he was on top, so we'll have a boy" then the DCA says "I made sure we were gonna have a puppy"

[locutus]

Latest DCA inventions

 

1.Tricycle kickstand

2.Solar flashlight

3.Fire proof matches

4.Inflatable dartboard

5.Glass hammer

6.Black light bulb

7.Boomerang grenade

 

 

(I wish they'd test no7 a bit more )

[locutus]

HINDU, JEW & DCA

 

A hindu a jew and a DCA are all walking through the country and stop at a farmer's house to see if they could sleep there for the night.

"Well," said the farmer, "All I got fer ya is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the barn was fine, and the farmer showed them the way.

A few minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. It was the hindu. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a cow."

"Oh, fine, you can sleep in the house!" said the farmer.

A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. This time it's the jew. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a pig in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a pig."

"Fine, fine, you can sleep in the house!"

A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. The farmer said "I swear to god if it's that DCA I am going to kick his butt, because I'll be damned before I let him sleep in my house!" The farmer opened the door and it was the pig and the cow.

[locutus]

One day, an Englishman walked into an antiques shop in London. Looking around, he notices a life-sized bronze sculpture of a cat. The sculpture is so intriguing, he decides he must buy it and asks the shopkeeper the price.

"Twelve pounds for the cat, sir," the shopkeeper tells him," and 100 pounds for the story that goes with it." "I'll take the cat," says the man, "but you can keep the story."

The transaction completed, the Englishman leaves the store with the bronze cat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live cats emerge from an alley and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another alley, more cats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred cats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of cats swarm from alleys, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Thousands of cats are now at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the cats keep up, hissing insanely, now not just thousands, but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of cats several blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with

one arm while he hurls the bronze cat into the River Thames. Clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of cats surges over the banks into the river, where they all drown. Amazed and almost dumbstruck, he makes his way back to the antiques shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the shopkeeper.

"No," says the Englishman, "I was wondering if you have a bronze DCA."

[theshuffler]

I saw a DCA drowning last week i contacted the emergency services , i hope they were able to save him , would be a terrible waste of a stamp if they didnt.

[theshuffler]

My next door neighbour is a DCA he has just invited me out for a water fight , as soon as this kettle boils im out there.

[SOD'EM]

A DCA dies and goes up to Heaven. He knocks on the Pearly gates .

St Peter answers and says "can I help you?"

 

"Yes" says the DCA, I've just died and I would like to come in.

 

St Peter says "I can't let you in, because you are a DCA and you have never done anything on Earth that was good to human kind".

 

"Yes I have" replied the DCA.

 

"OK" said St Peter "Tell me what you have done on Earth that has helped someone in any way".

 

The DCA says "Well, last week I gave £10 to Children In Need. The week before, I gave £10 to Barnardos. And the week before that I gave £10 to the NSPCC".

 

St Peter has a think and says "OK, wait there and I will go and have a word with God".

 

The DCA waits patiently for a while waiting for St Peter to return.

 

When he does return, the DCA says "Well, did you have a word with God"?

 

"Yes" Replied St Peter.

 

"Well, what did he say"? asks the DCA

 

 

"God said here's your 30 quid back, now F**K OFF":-|

Edited October 13, 2009 by SOD'EM

[Alphageek]

LOL @ Sod'em

 

I think anyone who happens to answer the telephone and gets a DCA on the other end, should log on to this thread and read the jokes out to them.

 

I bet you don't get past page 1 before they hang up!

[ODC]

Two DCA threat monkeys driving Vauxhall Meriva along a road when they drive over a cliff and die. Two caggers come upon the scene. 1st Cagger says ''Thats a shame'' 2nd Cagger ''Why?????'' 2nd Cagger ''A meriva seats seven!!''

[theshuffler]

Good 1 ODC LOL:D

[theshuffler]

I know a little debt collector

his name is slimey Jim

and every now and then

i throw tomatoes at him

now tomatoes are soft and they dont hurt the skin

but these f***ers do cause they are still in the tin

Edited October 14, 2009 by theshuffler

[Alphageek]

Nice one shuffler

[dcakiller]

A dca threat monkey and a doorstep collector are in a car which one is driving?

 

nether the cop is

[ukaviator]

DCA sent me a letter this morning it said:

 

bcxzkiuyhgfrewqascxcxdtuplkjbvfhehe and then it said:

 

I thought i'd send you some letters before the postal strike!!