Moral support needed xx

[loopinlouie]

Today after thinking about if for some time I reported the neighbour to social services. Remebering that when I was a young mum and I was reported due to concerns raised about me, which involved my health and the effects it could be having on my kids. At the time I was distraut that someone had done it but after a few months began to realise they had done the right thing.

 

They moved in about eighteen months ago and Ive had concerns and trouble since thens. This morning when another issue was raised I said the the carer of the kids what I was going to do as I felt it a last resort.

 

We have on occassions found her toddlers playing in the middle of the road unsupervised, found another little one astride the window frame of the second floor window with no adult in the house, she was accross the road at what appears to be her sisters or parents house and there is an issue ongoing with her children playing knock knock ginger on my house at varying times most days. Not forgetting the time they were obvious telling a kiddy off to the extent the smack rebounded around my house it was that loud.

 

So I decided I had had enough and thought the guidance I had when refered might make her realise to keep a better eye on her toddlers preventing what we often here happens and then the parent plays I didnt know it would happen anotherwords getting a bit much when my so insists I go outside as he is concerned about the toddler.

 

For some reason her oldest toddler feels it is normal to knock out door on the way and back from his pre school. At first we ignored it it was obvious he wanted to I though play or hear the dog bark. He did the same in the garden when she was quietly lying down, one of his siblings is terrified of dogs and screams when hears them, so this kid would do all they could to get doggy to bark and the toddler would become hysterical. I solved that by whenever toddlers in the garden I would make sure my dog was in, end of or so I thought.

 

The kid would then knock the front door and pretend to bark and then run off, he cant be older than 4 or 5 so we ignored it. It had gone on for a few weeks and I notcied the mum was there stood outside with a pram talking to a woman while her kid was doing this to me, so I popped my head out of the window and asked her if she was aware of what little uns were doing and she snottily replied they are only young and shes doing her best.

 

Shes said this a couple of times now and it doenst wash. Will she say that when one of hers is hit by a car for playing in the road or falls out of top floor window, I was doing my best. Talking to people or swanning of to nearby families house leaving kids unsupervised is neglect even if for a few mins, it only takes a short time for a little one to get hurt.

 

Anyhow this morning it was what appeared to be her mother and she said I was horrible, always moaning etc.... when I asked her why she just allowed the kid to bash my door and have time to run accross the road and enough time to say shes not comming and she still ignored the kids and didnt do anything.

 

Why dont they tell their kids its wrong, because they are antisocial and dont give a damm, so Id had enough.

 

You dont think I have overeacted do you, I mean we dont talk but I said anyproblems regarding us you only have to knock when she said my kids were noisey. They even moaned about the weeds in our garden for us to overhear and I thought fair enough, so bought strimmer and mower and kids this weekend cut the grass. They moaned that their daughter was being affected by the cut grass affecting her sneezing:eek: So we seem to not be able to do anything to please them.

 

So called social services and tenant liason officer to act of firstly make her aware others are concerned for her leaving toddlers unsupervised and mainly tenant liason act as go betweens to get each of us to either leave each other alone or at least be able to confidently raise an issue which can be sattisfied for both. Anotherwords no slanging matches, makes sence?

 

I am not being vexacious or mean just think she needs to realise her behaviour cant be justified by blaming anything and everything. I had to learn and my kids were nowt like that if anyone had reported my son for being badly behaved I would have acted, thing is lucky enough my kids grew up young due to me being ill and always think of others xxx

Edited July 21, 2010 by loopinlouie

[loopinlouie]

OOhh views but no comments, you dont think I am an moeny bag do you?

 

Just seen my community warden and they think I did the right thing.

[Guest Mrs Hobbit]

You have to do what you feel is right. I have been on the rough end of the pineapple after I reported behaviour of some in our area. Every one else was complaining but did not have the courage of their convictions to act. I did. Eventually with the help of the police and photographic evidence, the perpetrators were convicted and ASBO's served on the parents. the trouble has now gone. The younger kids in our area steer clear of my place, word got out that I would report them. they know what happened to the others and their parents/ Strange how quiet and peaceful our lives have become and the kids seem to be better behaved.

 

Sometimes a sharp wake up call is needed. I am lucky I have great neighbours up this end of the street and we all help each other.

 

oh the other aside I am a Parish Councillor. Maybe my fan club got me elected

[MARTIN3030]

We read about these things and many will have had some experience of some of those you post about.

 

Its always better if you can approach neigbours and try and sort out indifferences/problems together-but no one likes to be told they are an irresponsible Mother/Father so in this situation it prob was a non starter.

 

You can only go off your own conscience and do what you think is best.

 

Dealing with these things is never easy-you have done your part,so now up to those who have been alerted to look at it.

 

No doubt things are not going to be very comfortable between you,but I guess you had to balance that consideration with what you have ALREADY had to put up with,and witnessed.

[loopinlouie]

Thanks. Thing is she also said all the kids round here cause trouble and are noisey and I msut admit apart from the odd issue with one or two, I have to admit where I live it is normally apart from them quiet. They have been told off for throwing stones at the car of the house accross the road, asked to stop bothering the neighnours the other side of them and recently a huge fence went up. One of the toddlers nearly got run over and the parents didnt appreciate the abuse from the car driver for being put in the position of nearly hitting one of the kids.

 

I said to her last time its simple if the kiddy keeps running off, hold his hand, she said cant do that, More like cant be bothered to do it;)

 

They blamed us for supposed noise from a new trampoline put up this weekend for my kids, got a real bargain from b and q, eight footer with enclosur for 72.00 half price compared to argos, my kids had waited years for one.

 

Anyhow the only noise was a few hours of bounce bounce, kids old enought not to need to scream:p The noise they were actually moaning about was their kids harassing them for a trampoline and they lost their cool with them for doing so. I mean if they wernt so horrible I would invite her little ones to play on it, no hastle to me and maybe they would stop attacking out door, but bit late now....xx

[loopinlouie]

Thing is also with both of us being council tenants and not private owned in contract you have to respect others, common sence would like to think;) but in any case council can keep an eye and hopefully take away the burden from me. Also social services if do their job can at least make her aware they are now aware the kids are left to wander and hopefully that will be enough to get her to take more control and reduce any future possible accidents. So dont feel bad ringing, would have felt terrible if Id have seen her toddler fall the the week. All she has to do is use window locks, these houses have them fitted and next time go accross the road, take kiddies with her,not hard xx

 

I suppose if I am labelled a witch for it then so be it, but I am not painted or turning green yet so must be the nice white witch xxxx Probably a bit of the mad hatter in me though xx

[loopinlouie]

Last resort will be to reinstate the brick walls between the drives. It fell down some years ago with only a push:eek: Not built well by previous tenant. I could if keep knocking get permission to put up low wooden fence over old wall line to divide and keep kids out with padlock. But last last resort xx

[unbelievably angelic]

I understand how you feel. My sis has the neighbours from hell. The police have started sending a car out to sit at the end of the street of a weekend, just to watch what's happening.

The woman has a pre-school age daughter who is 'babysat' by friends of her father, who come and go through the house.

Someone kicked their front door in a few weeks ago and the woman hasn't had it replaced, and leaves her 8-ish year old son to 'guard' the house while she goes out in the evening.

It's hard to comprehend. A neighbour across the road who's in her eighties, has put her house up for sale to get away from them.

The private landlord is frustratingly reluctant to evict them, as I imagine it will cost them.

Meanwhile my sis keeps getting visits and leaflets from the CSOs.

It is a truly horrific and frustrating and frightening position to be in.

[MARTIN3030]

I am in a council house too (although now housing ass) I have lived here for 25 years.Its an estate on the frindges of the town centre with open grassed areas in front of the houses.

Over the years I have had a few run inns with one or two-and hold my hands up to having coppers at mine on more than one occ in the early days at 3 in the morning.

Some of the kids I used to shout at for kicking footballs at the window have now gone on to excell-one is in the Navy-another is a manager at one of out towns biggest stores.

Grudges are long forgotten with those who got told off-and yet the parents never forgot and still give dirty looks 20 years on.....ah well.

 

In those days we didnt have ASBOS or neigbourhood support officers-things tended to work themselves out.

 

Besides-the neigbour who always knocked for a cup of sugar now and then KNEW she wouldnt get one if she agreed the kids were in order after they played knock and run when you was in the bath (no showers then )

 

I really believe that although children are influenced by what goes on at home-they are equally influenced by what goes on outside when they are with mates-its very difficult to try and guide your kids when it can go out of the window up the road.

 

Sorry to digress....here we was talking of bad parents....or parents that should be doing better.

In life much of what we pass on is what we hold dear and was taught ourselves-at least traditionally that WAS the way.

These days theres lots of distractions-but its no excuse.

 

Talking of which ....Cameron is on the news now as I write

If thats not a good example of distraction I dont know what is.......eating hot dogs in the US ...lol

 

Well that gives him excuses for a few minutes to ignore the questions the New York Times journos are asking him.....

Dont suppose any of them will be asking about bad mothers in Peckham:rolleyes:

[phoenix11]

I think having to take a decision to report anyone is not easy at all.

 

I've had problems with one of my neighbours and I've no idea why they've been antagonistic to me from the start - but then again, I won't drool all over the bloke like he's the last man alive.

 

You kind of worry whether you're doing the right thing, or being picky and not 'tolerant' enough - and there's always someone to tell you to get a life because their situation is allegedly far worse than yours.

 

But it's your life and it's what sits well with you that matters. Now I've made a formal complaint about my neighbours (and I'm being ostracised for it by a couple of other lone women, because apparently I should let the fat slobbery git make my life hell and be grateful for the attention!!) I wonder why on earth I didn't do it long ago before things got so bad for me.

 

I don't feel bad because I know how many times and how much effort I put into trying to get on with them, and resolve the issues amicably.

 

Some folk just don't want to do it - and ideally the sooner the problems are raised officially, the easier it is to deal with it, rather than let things go from bad to disastrous when it take much more to get it all back on track.

 

Hope SS do take some action to help the mum look after her kids - or find a way to keep them safe and looked after.

[underdog13]

My sympathies, LL - I had neighbours from hell; had to move to get away from them.

 

I think you have done the right thing - think how you would feel if one of the kids did get hurt or killed. You would probably have blamed yourself for not reporting the mother!

[loopinlouie]

Exactly if one of them got hurt and then I say afterwards well she had done this they would wonder why I hadnt said something.

 

I will just keep myself to myself like I normally do and hopefully she can do the same, but will know to take extra care of the kids.

 

It might have worked because son came home and heard the gran telling the kids the keep quiet or they would upset the lady next door, now noise doesnt bother me, they are kiddies afterall, she needs to just be constant in keeping a watch.

 

The only noise that bothers me is my door being knocked for fun, but thankfully since the other day it has stopped xx

[Mungypup]

That's good news LL. It's hard to make a complaint and the system makes it even harder. People many times in my experience treat you as though you are the problem, because you object to the anti social behaviour and negligence. It's almost as if they try to guilt trip you for expecting them to do their job. And then you get pushed from one department to another. It sounds like you've done the right thing to me. I look on CNN quite a bit as I have family in the states, and I've heard of 3 toddlers being hit by cars over there on the roads in as many weeks, as the parents haven't noticed the child has gone. That's what I thought of as soon as I read the bit about them going in thr road. I know I keep saying it, but I don't understand why people have children if they don't want to look after them. Tragic accidents do happen, but letting your kids run riot unsupervised is an accident waiting to happen. And it's not just the kid I'm thinking about, imagine the guilt if someone was to run them over. That poor bugger would have to live with that for the rest of their life, and in this country would possibly end up being prosecuted as well.