Advice on making a complaint

[skonk]

This is concerning where my girlfriend works. She is friendly with a guy who works with and every now and then, gives him a lift home from work. She always texts or calls me and tells me she's giving him a lift home and is only 5-10 mins late home than she normally is, which is normal as he lives 5-10 mins out the way.

 

Now, the guy in question today was taken in the office today about his lates, and the manageress has basically accused my girlfriend and him of having an affair, and this is why he is late all the time and isn't working as well as he should be. They were saying, we know you see her out of work, (she doesn't, as she's with me) apart from when she gives him a lift home. They were basically trying to get him to admit he's having an affair with my gf and this is the reason why his work isn't up to scratch.

 

My gf is going into work now, expecting them to speak to her. I'm not naive, and I know there is no way she can be having an affair at all, we totally trust each other, and I'm not blind to things going on if they were. My gf is, as you would understand, extremely annoyed about this. i mean, being accused of having an affair by a manageress? She feels like walking out, but I've told her not too just yet.

 

My gf doesn't see this guy out of work at all, apart from in work. Now, she feels like I'm starting to believe she's having an affair because of these managers, which I'm not. She feels like she can no longer work there because of these accusations.

 

Where do we stand about making a complaint? As far as i see it, even if she was having an affair, what business is it of theirs, as long as it's out of work? We need to know what grounds we can make a complaint about the manageress. I want to make a seperate complaint too, as i don't believe these are the actions of a so called manageress.

 

Could she have grounds for constructive dismissal, due to the manageress spreading untrue accusations? She said she's going to tell her to change the rotas so they don't work together, but she's just more annoyed at the fact these accusations are going round.

 

I hope no one posts and asks me if i;m sure they're not having an affair, because I know they aren't. I don't work at the moment, so every day she isn't at work she is with me. We have a healthy relationship, and she's been completely open and honest with me when it's came to her giving him a lift home, as she didn't want anyone talking about it, but it's happened.

[flyingdoc]

What employees do outside of work is nothing to do with the employer and the employer has NO right to make such accusations.

 

If the other employees performance is below that expected (ie not coming in on time or not working well when he is there) then that is an issue that she should take up with him, without involving your girlfriend.

 

In your girlfriends place I would lodge a grievence with the manageress's manager for spreading rumours which could a) affect other employees opinion of her and therfore their working relationship and b) affect her personal relationship.

[Sidewinder]

Absolutely correct. Your girlfriend needs to lodge a grievance (in addition to any other one pending) stating in the strongest terms that although they are unqualified, completely baseless and utterly ridiculous you consider the remarks to be slanderous and damaging to her good name and reputation. They have caused severe embarrassment and distress and she demands an apology and retraction of this allegation.

 

Mind you. In the light of this latest escalation of your GFs problems at work you might wish to edit the last lines of Post #5 of your other thread whereby you (rather more loosely) make a similar statement about the Manageress and the Area Manager. I say this not to detract from the blatant disregard of the manageress for your GFs position, but that it is harder to defend your position whilst you make a similar allegation!

[skonk]

Thanks for the replies! I see what you mean, sidewinder, I shall edit that right now! I won't know what's been said til she comes home tonight. I spoke to her earlier and said, I can kind of, in a way, understand that the mangement are looking for a reason why his work is not up to standard, and of course, if it was because of my gf, then it would be in the managments interests as it is a member of staff not pulling their weight, due to anothyer member of staff.

 

I must make one point though. There was an incident involving the guy in question, and another girl he works with. He had a crush on her, she rejected him, then one night, she was all over him on a night out, asking him to buy her drinks. He refused, obviously doesn't want to be made a fool, then some guy comes over and starts to have a go at him. Instead of the girl he works with standing up for him, she denied she knew who this aggresive person was, when it was plain to see, he was someone she'd obviously been with in the night, and he didn't like her talking to someone else. Anyway, cut a long story short, when he went into work, everyone took the other girl's side and no one speaks to him or involves him in anything now. he says he feels victimised and left out of everything. People go quiet when he walks in, etc. My gf was the only one who said she wouldn't take sides, and this is where all this gossip stems from.

 

My gf told the guy she works with she wouldn't tell management the reason why he hates the place, because of his treatment by the staff, but she said that she isn't going to stand by and let them accuse her of something and use her as an excuse for him failing to do his work to the best of his ablilities, so she has no alternative but to tell them his reasons.

 

Am I also right in the asumption that if something as serious as this accusation is made, then they have to have evidence before making this accusation? I just want to make sure we are both clued up on where we stand before complaining.

[Sidewinder]

What they have done is by any definition defamation or slander when an accusation in broadcast without foundation and in a manner likely to cause damage to reputation. Although in this instance the comments have been made during a meeting with a limited audience, that does not matter, for as far as you know the manageress may have discussed this with other employees or the butcher, baker and candlestick maker.

 

If your GF was called Victoria Beckham for example, there are legal remedies to this, however an allegation of slander is difficult to take to Court and has to be privately funded, all for an award only in line with the level of damage caused. Cost outweighs benefit sadly which is why you are really limited to demanding that the manageress ceases and desists from repeating her comments.

[Midori]

I would also suggest she stops giving him lifts.

 

Cheers, Midori

[skonk]

She has decided not to give him any more lifts, but she is going to make it well known to staff that she thinks it's pathetic that she can't even do a good deed for a member of staff, and she will also remind them that she has helped quite a few of them out with a lift home late at night.

[ErikaPNP]

Just gonna put a completely different spin on this. I met my OH at work 2 years ago, and workplaces are gossip mills.

 

Following my OH's appraisal on one occsion, his manager mentioned in the write up something about his "behaviour" being an issue. When he asked what she meant, it was going back to an incident months before when a person with nothing better to do with her time complained to our supervisor about me and OH going to lunch together. WTF?! What happened was, our supervisor spoke to us seperately and stated there had been a complaint about us going to lunch together and asked if we could perhaps go on seperate lunches.

 

Cut a long story short although OH and I had the same supervisor, we were employed in different job roles not connected to each other and lunch was not taken in the workplace therefore there was no reason for us not to lunch together - work was being covered - no different to two friends within the workplace going to lunch together. So I told our supervisor in no uncertain terms that no, we would not begin taking seperate lunches for the benefit of the office busybody. Our relationship doesn't interfere with our work, or our professionalism (to the point that it took people almost a year to realise we were a couple!) so unless there was a specific problem with our workload, she had no reasonable cause to speak with us about this and suggested that she told the busy body to mind her own.

 

So this is what the reference was to OH's apparent "behaviour" problem - because and I told a supervisor that what we do in our own time is our own business. It was me who said it, not him. He raised a grievance about the write up, the manager even went to the point of consulting with HR over it. Needless to say the sentance referring to his behaviour was removed and his points raised. She then tried to pass it off to my manager (by this point I'd gained a different manager) to put it in my appraisal - that I had a problem with authority. I told my manager if that went in my appraisal I'd show just what little respect I had for authority and take it all the way, as I was quite within my rights to tell them my own affairs are MY business and nothing to do with work. I also made a throwaway comment that my respect is given to no-one - it's earnt, not given, and especially not given to someone who thinks that because they hold authority over me in the workplace that it also gives them the right to dictate what I do in my own private time. (I'm quiet but a live wire when riled!)

 

Moral of my story? Even if two colleagues ARE involved (which in your case they are not), one cannot be held responsible for another's misdemenours in the workplace, and in addition what goes on in private has no place being called to task in the workplace for blame of poor performance, unless the employee themself brings it up (i.e personal difficulties at home contributing to poor performance etc)

 

In my case, we were (and still are) a couple which was no secret. In your case there is no affair and your GF's colleagues and ESPECIALLY her manager have no place to make accusations or assumptions on the private lives of any individual employee.

[flyingdoc]

Thanks for that Erica - but you havent put a different spin - you have simply enforced what we all have said.

 

Well done for standing your ground when others might have not through fear of repercussions.

 

[skonk]

An update on the situation. My gf came home tonight and told me that the manageress didn't mention anything about it to her at all, and she had plenty of time to do so, as they worked together for an hour. My gf thinks it is one of the deputy manageress's who raised the matter to the manageress, and the manageress had to ask the guy in question about it, to see if that was the reason his work is not up to standard. Now, this deputy manageress is well known for loving male attention, and because this guy has paid her no attention whatsoever, everyone is thinking she is doing it out of spite because my gf gets on so well with him. It's only a small shop with about 20+ members of staff, and 3 male staff.

 

My gf said she kind of knows the manageress thinks there is something going on between my gf and her male friend, but hasn't said anything, obviously because there is no proof, and we all know in small workplaces about the "unofficial" grapevine, she knows it is the deputy manageress who is making these comments and bringing it to the manageress attention, hoping she'll act upon it.

 

After reading all your posts, my gf is going into work, and she is going to say to this deputy, have you been spreading rumours about me and XXXX, when she says no (She is obviously going to say no and she doesn't like any form of confrontation), my gf is going to tell her that if she hears anyone saying anything more about it, casual comments like here come the lovebirds, etc. she is going to make an official complaint about the person in question, and hopefully she'll stop these spiteful accusations, with fear of knowing it is her who is making these comments and she could get disciplined for it.

 

I've also told my gf to talk to the manageress about it, and tell her as well, if anyone makes comments like the ones made, she will put in a grievance in against her for knowing it is being said, and after being approached by my gf, not doing something to remedy it, i.e. a quiet word in the deputy man.'s ear, stop these comments know, keep your opinions to yourself or it's going to get complicated.

 

Do you think this is the best course of action for the moment?

[flyingdoc]

I would suggest not confronting the asst manageress in the way you suggest. My suggested course of action would be the following.

 

get your gf to approach the manager and say that it has come to her attention that this man had been accused of having an affair with her, as a reason for his poor workrate, and that these accusations have caused her concern and embarrasment at work.

 

Ask the manager to have a word with the dep mgr and request that she puts a stop to the rumours that have been propgated by these actions as you do not wish to suffer any further "jibes" from colleagues regarding your relationship with this man who is nothing more than a colleague whom you were good enough to give a lift home to, as you had done for other members of staff in the past.

 

Tell the manager that you have been upset by these baseless allegations and had considered lodging a formal grievence but would prefer to settle the matter so that you can get on with your job without worrying about whispers in the office.

 

However should the rumours persist you will feel obliged to defend your good name by lodging a formal complaint against the manager that started the rumours in the first place, as inaction on your part may be seen as an admission of guilt by other staff

 

Stay calm and reasonable but let them know how much this has upset you.

[skonk]

I think that's an axcellent way of dealing with it, flyingdoc! Thanks a lot for taking the time out and reading my thread. It just seems in her workplace it's one thing after another. As I've stated elsewhere, jobs are scarce, so she's going to grin and bear it, but I shall defo show her your post and make sure she goes about it the right way.

 

The mood I was in before, I don't think there would've been a nice word to have left my mouth if I had gone down there! It is horrible though, sitting at home, knowing that there are spiteful people working with her who are saying these things, and what gets me is, what can they possibly get out of it? It's just jealous people not content with other people getting along.

[flyingdoc]

some people are not content unless they are causing misery to others.

rise above it and observe them with the disdain that they deserve.

 

Credit to you and your GF for keeping your heads through this and esp to her for putting her head down and carrying on at work despite the fuss.

 

Good look and regards to your GF 8)

[flyingdoc]

duplicate post

[patdavies]

She has decided not to give him any more lifts, but she is going to make it well known to staff that she thinks it's pathetic that she can't even do a good deed for a member of staff, and she will also remind them that she has helped quite a few of them out with a lift home late at night.

 

I'm sorry, but I think that this is a terrible outcome (although I accept that it is probably the easiest) - in effect, the bullies and rumour-mongers win.

 

Effectively what you are saying is that because your g/f's good deeds have set tongues wagging, she would rather stop doing good deeds than confront the gossips.

 

 

This is not a dig at you or your g/f - more a rant on the world in general. No good deed goes unpunished.

[flyingdoc]

No good deed goes unpunished.

 

sadly so true

[skonk]

Patdavies, I do actually agree with you. If it was me who was working there, then I would take it to the limit, but as my gf says, she has to work there, and she is liked by a lot of the staff, but she is going to wait and see what is said in the next few weeks before deciding on a course of action. I agree that it's letting the bullies and rumour mongers win, but I think my gf would rather sit back for now, say her peice and see how it turns out. Believe me, I'm sitting at home just waiting for the ok to go ahead with grievance letters!!...

[godpikachu]

if it was me that was working there id be making a claim for sexual harrassment!.

 

i mean come on, this assistant manger seems to have a "thing" for this guy, and he obviously doesnt reciprocate these feelings to her, so she is causing trouble because of it, both for him and your g/f.

 

this is the reason why whenever i work anywhere i refuse to get into any social aspect of the job, because invariably tongues start wagging and gossip mongers get to have a field day fantasising about what other people get up to behind closed doors, which to be honest is actually some form of perversion and calls into question the fantasisers suitability to work as part of a group.

[skonk]

Another update. Flyingdoc, my gf went to work, and followed your advice, not exactly to the letter, but near enough! When the manageress was having a cig outside, my gf approached her and mentioned the things you said. The manageress actually said she understands and she'd have a quiet word with the dep. manageress. This was on saturday, 10th. In work today, my gf said nothing was said about it, so she's going to see where it goes from here.

 

The only sad thing about the whole situation is, the guy in question now probably thinks I'm wanting to go down the workplace and confront him, which is far from the truth. I've told my gf to reassure him I know there is nothing going on. I've also found out that he wants to leave the store, as he's fed up of the gossiping and the way the majority of staff don't talk to him or include him in anything.

[flyingdoc]

lets hope that resolves the issue.

 

This guy leaving would be a bad move. This then becomes a "victory" for that malicious person who may then get the idea that she has the power to do what she wants.

[skonk]

She already thinks she has the power to do whatever she wants. I could go on forever with a list! A quick example of her ways of handling cash. She said someone's till was down by ten pounds. She asked the person in question, have you taken ten pounds out the till? The answer was a firm NO! Then, she hands the money over to my gf and says, count that. She counts it and tells her it comes to £120:30p. Manageress then says to my gf, that's wrong, you only came up with that number cos you're a dipstick!! Then she grabs the money from my gf (this is in front of about 3 other members of staff, including the one who she basically just accused of theft) and starts counting the money out, dead loud, while waving each note in the air, sarcastically. TEN!! TWENTY!! THIRTY!! (you get the picture. Anyway, as she gets to the end of her counting lesson, there just happens to be £120:30p exactly!! My gf then says,"Well, if i'm a dipstick, then what does that make you?" everyone laughs, then manageress gets a big hissy fit and screams WHATEVER!! and storms off!!

 

As you see, my gf fights a losing battle each day...