Partner is remortgaging to buy ex partner out?

[bertie007]

Hi there, I am new to this forum and would like some advice if possible as I am not sure where else to turn to at the moment.

 

I have just started dating someone near me -we have seen one another for 6 months now....and he was currently living in a joint morgage with his ex partner for 4 years which was in both names. They split up in May 07 and he wanted her to move out which she did in November time 07.

 

At that time in November 07, my partner wanted the house in his name and his ex asked for £40k to buy her out, which meant he would need to remortgage his current mortgage. In December 07 time I was told from him that this loan did in fact go through and he was able to buy her out. We were really happy and celebrated and thought, excellent this is the start of a new year and a new us!

 

Then January time came and I was asking if he received any paperwork re this but no nothing as of yet, and that now the lenders have said it hasnt quite gone through as planned - totally confused and so was my partner?? (apparently things were missing, amounts, paperwork etc, he didnt know what this was either!)

 

Now we are in April and unfortunately this still hasnt gone through, he was told also that he could get £30k and not £40k to buy out his ex but this hasnt been resolved. Then he goes on to tell me just recently (while getting upset and crying) that he has to take out another loan of £4k as he has had to pay the mortgage he hasnt paid since Jan to his mortgage company which the lenders are now asking for as he hasnt been paying his mortgage.....hmmm:evil:

 

So now he gets a call from the loan company re his £4k loan which he has been given and approved (but he admits to not getting excited about) and this will go to his mortgage company to cover the months gone for the payments he should have paid for his mortgage. So, when his lenders receive the £4k hopefully the remortgage of £30k will go through......we hope, but something tells me something still doesnt add up. The other thing is instead of asking for £4k he has asked for £8k instead - why I will never know even though he said he doesnt need the extra £4k? (also he still needs this £30k....???)

 

So its now April, he says he wants to commit to me and that he would like me to move in with him, if the remortgage doesnt go through he will sell the house, rent it out and we can get something together? I agreed to September time and wont move in until this has been resolved....end of! (he says he wants more of me.....more commitment etc, but to me I cant until this is resolved)

 

Now another problem has cropped up, the other reason why the remortgage wont pay out £30k to the ex is because he is still paying out another remortgage - confused....I am too!

 

So you can see why I am not moving in just yet just because I am not sure what on earth is going on here.

 

I on the other hand have no debts, just in the process of buying another property to let out as an investment, have another one which is rented out and workwise and money is going really well.....I am 33, he is 41, his current morgage is £1400 per month for one person (that is rather huge) and other payments including £450 for his car, and bills etc on top. he earns a good salary but the company he works for has just changed his contract and states in there about bonuses and how they have now changed, he wont sign the contract until he discusses this, which is fair enough, but god what a mess!

 

what would you suggest I do, I dont think I can gather anymore information from him, as he says to me "dont worry it will sort itself out, and I am not worrying about it anymore!" or he gets upsets and literally cried on me, which I felt terrible for and tried to make amends!

 

thanks for reading, hopefully you can help

take care

xx

[Cornucopia]

Hello, dear oh me what a tangled web! I think there is rather more to this than meets the eye and I hate to say it, I don't think he is telling you the truth here. Also, of course he wants you to move in! A solvent partner, with a good income, buy to let properties, you are a good catch!

 

I would demand the whole truth from start to finish and if he can't tell you, end the relationship.

 

Is there any way of contacting his ex to see if she can shed any light? I really hate to think you are being conned here. However, I am a cynical so and so!

 

Good luck.

 

Best wishes,

 

Corn x:)

[Cornucopia]

Actually, having just re-read your post, has it occured to you that he might be doing all the crying and sob stories in the hope that you will stump up the £4k or £8K that he needs or even the money to buy out the ex? How was the figure calculated regarding the ex? Where did the £40K buy-out amount come from?

 

I also doubt very much that he would have been approved a loan with 4 months of mortgage arrears!

 

If he is lying this early in the relationship and money problems are already a major part of it, I really would run for the hills if it were me!

 

Best wishes,

 

Corn x:)

[bertie007]

that is a good question, I believe the call he had was for the loan of £4k, just not sure though and yes you could be right but there is no way in anyway, shape or form or blackmail or sob story will I give out any money that I have earned for, worked for and just about to invest into another property to give to him. He can see I have a soft spot but I am not silly and can sense something doesnt seem right. Funny how he has prosponed the moving in to Sept as he knows I wont at all until this is resolved once and for all, we could be here all year at this rate!

 

You have a valid point. I will at the moment keep myself to myself, he does all the time enquire about what I am thinking, what I am doing when I am not around and if I am happy. At the moment I am keeping very quiet about a lot of things, particularly my finances and particularly about what I want now as in relationships as something isnt quite right but will keep on going.

its a rough ride but will peservere and not let him know what I am doing.

 

xx

[Cornucopia]

that is a good question, I believe the call he had was for the loan of £4k, just not sure though and yes you could be right but there is no way in anyway, shape or form or blackmail or sob story will I give out any money that I have earned for, worked for and just about to invest into another property to give to him. He can see I have a soft spot but I am not silly and can sense something doesnt seem right. Funny how he has prosponed the moving in to Sept as he knows I wont at all until this is resolved once and for all, we could be here all year at this rate!

 

You have a valid point. I will at the moment keep myself to myself, he does all the time enquire about what I am thinking, what I am doing when I am not around and if I am happy. At the moment I am keeping very quiet about a lot of things, particularly my finances and particularly about what I want now as in relationships as something isnt quite right but will keep on going.

its a rough ride but will peservere and not let him know what I am doing.

 

xx

 

Hello Bertie, I assume curiosity has got the better of you, as you appear to want to stay in the relationship but do ask yourself the following; if you are having to keep things back about yourself and your finances and he is lying about money already, do you really think it is worth pursuing in the long term? We could, of course, both be completely wrong but your gut instinct is telling you something and I would listen to it! Also, do you have proof that this ex-partner existed? Are you absolutely sure that the £40K was to buy somebody out? Are you sure there couldn't be gambling debts, or an addiction of some sort? I am starting to sound like Take A Break Magazine:D but something is very wrong here and six months isn't a very long time to get to know somebody, certainly not long enough to consider moving in together.

 

Glad you have your head screwed on, do keep the thread updated as I am very intrigued now!!! One of the mods might move it elsewhere though, as I think this is in the Welcome Forum and you may need to be somewhere else.

 

Best wishes,

 

 

Corn x:)

[honey5]

You have a valid point. I will at the moment keep myself to myself, he does all the time enquire about what I am thinking, what I am doing when I am not around and if I am happy. At the moment I am keeping very quiet about a lot of things, particularly my finances and particularly about what I want now as in relationships as something isnt quite right but will keep on going.

its a rough ride but will peservere and not let him know what I am doing.

 

 

You cant build a relationship without trust, apparently there is very little unfortunately:confused:

you have gut instincts and to be honest not even knowing your partner I have them too!!

You cant sort out his finances only he can, otherwise you are going to end up in the very same predicament he's in right now

Wishing you all the very best in this situation but.................... be careful

honey x

[Ell-enn]

Hi there, I think you're being very sensible, after all you haven't really known him very long, and much as you are fond of him you have quite rightly recognised things aren't what they seem where his finances are concerned.

 

Cornucopia is right in that you are forunate to have your own home and investment properties - perhaps he thinks you will bale him out? I'm being cynical too, but the possibility is there.

 

If he really wants you to move in with him, he should put his affairs in order first and you should take advice from a solicitor regarding protecting your property and interests before even considering sharing a home with him.

 

In the meantime, just enjoy his company - but stay in your own home until you know for definite that things are OK with his finances and your own investments are safe.

 

Kind Regards

 

Ell-enn

[bertie007]

many thanks everyone for coming back to me, my sensible head says stick to your guns and keep yourself to yourself re finances, yes I will be looking into a solicitor if I did decide to go down that route of moving in with him to protect my finances and the likes but believe you me this wont be happening until Sept time or until I hear from him things have gone through. I on the other hand wont be telling him about my new investment, this might be for me to move into until he sorts himself out. I feel its something I need to do otherwise i will be going backwards rather than forwards.

Its a tough call, and more days go by where I am getting stressed as I am starting up a new business, buying another property, my contract at work runs out in Sept time as I work for myself and now this to top it all off. I can handle him but I wont let him interfere with my passions this year. he needs to be very careful and that is why I have this pent up anger inside of me lately. Otherwise one is very happy....lol xx

[gizmo111]

You may like to discuss the relationship over here Consumer Health Forums