Absolutely stunned..........

[CRH71]

Not quite sure where to post this, actually, but hopefully here’s a good place!

 

My 16-yo daughter lives with my first wife. Through various health issues, she has ended up being her mother’s “carer” for the last 5-odd years, often to the detriment of her education. To her credit, she has managed to catch up, in her own time and with a lot of effort, which is to her credit. Of course, she has her all-important GCSE exams this year, as well.

 

Now I discover that her mother is deciding to move back to where she came from (approximately 200 miles away) and, essentially abandon the child to her own devices this coming April!

 

I just cannot believe what I am hearing and really don’t know what to suggest to help – I’ve already offered her a room here, but we’re quite a way away from her friends and school, so I don’t think she’ll be too happy with that.

 

I don’t want to go into huge amounts of detail in the first post, otherwise I’ll bore you all to tears!. However, I’m for once totally lost for words and do not know what advice to give to her to help her help herself.

 

Anybody got any input, please?

[dannygoodman]

how hard would it be for you to move to her?

[PriorityOne]

Sounds like your ex-wife has probably found another "carer" to look after her.... and has responded without thinking of the knock-on effect to her daughter. If this happens before your daughter's GCSE exams, then this is an extremely selfish act on her part because it would be too late for another school to enter her if she moved in April.

 

How does your daughter feel about things? Has she spoken to you herself?

[CRH71]

I don't think "carer" is the word - she's found herself a boyfriend!

 

The move is all booked, deposit paid on the flat, etc., apparently for April 4th. All of this came from my daughter who is really upset by it all, as well as stunned, the same as me, but she is absolutely adamant that she's not going to move the 200 miles (back to where they came from) with her mother.

 

Her mother, therefore, thinks she should find herself a hostel place and make her own way in life.

 

The only advice I could give her was to speak to someone she trusted at school, and, I'm pleased to say she spoke to a teacher she trusts and he's swung into action for her - he immediately contacted another department within the school to get some help in place for her, and then arranged for someone from the school to go and see the mother and hear the news "from an adult" the following day.

[PriorityOne]

I don't think "carer" is the word - she's found herself a boyfriend!

 

The move is all booked, deposit paid on the flat, etc., apparently for April 4th. All of this came from my daughter who is really upset by it all, as well as stunned, the same as me, but she is absolutely adamant that she's not going to move the 200 miles (back to where they came from) with her mother.

 

Her mother, therefore, thinks she should find herself a hostel place and make her own way in life.

 

The only advice I could give her was to speak to someone she trusted at school, and, I'm pleased to say she spoke to a teacher she trusts and he's swung into action for her - he immediately contacted another department within the school to get some help in place for her, and then arranged for someone from the school to go and see the mother and hear the news "from an adult" the following day.

 

Silly woman. Let's hope your daughter doesn't forget this treatment when the boyfriend disappears.....

 

Has this teacher managed to kickstart some help for your daugher? Have you been to the school yourself? As a parent, I'd find this very hard to swallow (same as you).... Your first decision really needs to be whether you can have/want her living with you or not. If yes, then make an appt. with the school to sort a way forward re. her GCSEs. A lonely 16-yr-old in a hostel is not good and chance are, she will lose the motivation to revise for her exams anyway due to what's happened.

[CRH71]

Silly woman. Let's hope your daughter doesn't forget this treatment when the boyfriend disappears.....

 

Has this teacher managed to kickstart some help for your daugher? Have you been to the school yourself? As a parent, I'd find this very hard to swallow (same as you).... Your first decision really needs to be whether you can have/want her living with you or not. If yes, then make an appt. with the school to sort a way forward re. her GCSEs. A lonely 16-yr-old in a hostel is not good and chance are, she will lose the motivation to revise for her exams anyway due to what's happened.

 

I'm sure my daughter won't forget this particular occasion (it's not the first time they've moved in her lifetime, to be fair - it's been about once a year!). The teacher sounds as though they've kickstarted something for her - I don't know what, exactly yet as all this only broke last week and to be honest I'm still reeling from the shock of the discovery, therefore I haven't yet contacted the school.

 

In fairness, my daughter did mention that the school will probably be contacting me (they know about the offer of a place here, but there's a little matter of nearly 30 miles, each way, between me and her current school, so commuting would be significant for her) so I've held back for the moment. I think I will give them a call Tuesday if I've heard nothing more by then.

 

She could come and live here, of course - I made that offer immediately. She knows I can't move any closer to her, because we have ties and commitments, plus I spend a lot of time caring for my disabled wife.

 

I don't think she'll ,lose the motivation, to be honest - I know her pretty well and she's overcome larger adversities than this in her life, already - she'll also have me "in the background" providing support and encouragement, plus she knows she's only looking at a couple of months, tops (she can come and live here the second her exams have finished as she won't have to commute then, plus I'll try and get her some work with my employer whilst she awaits her results).

[PriorityOne]

I'm sure my daughter won't forget this particular occasion (it's not the first time they've moved in her lifetime, to be fair - it's been about once a year!). The teacher sounds as though they've kickstarted something for her - I don't know what, exactly yet as all this only broke last week and to be honest I'm still reeling from the shock of the discovery, therefore I haven't yet contacted the school.

 

In fairness, my daughter did mention that the school will probably be contacting me (they know about the offer of a place here, but there's a little matter of nearly 30 miles, each way, between me and her current school, so commuting would be significant for her) so I've held back for the moment. I think I will give them a call Tuesday if I've heard nothing more by then.

 

She could come and live here, of course - I made that offer immediately. She knows I can't move any closer to her, because we have ties and commitments, plus I spend a lot of time caring for my disabled wife.

 

I don't think she'll ,lose the motivation, to be honest - I know her pretty well and she's overcome larger adversities than this in her life, already - she'll also have me "in the background" providing support and encouragement, plus she knows she's only looking at a couple of months, tops (she can come and live here the second her exams have finished as she won't have to commute then, plus I'll try and get her some work with my employer whilst she awaits her results).

 

Bless you..... you sound like such a good dad.... Although all of this is bad timing for her (and you probably), it's nothing that the pair of you can't overcome by the sound of it. The 30-mile commute would be a nightmare, as well as expensive, but there might be other options rather than her living in a hostel....

 

I'm wondering if the school could release her to move in with you in April and then arrange for her to sit the same exams in a school local to you instead; as she would have already been entered for them. As students should all be sitting the same papers nationally, this is something worth putting to the school to see if they could arrange it. I work in a school and know that all kinds of things are possible..... and was just wondering if this might be a better option. I'm not saying it's definitely possible, but certainly worth asking about and/or pushing for, if appropriate.

 

[CRH71]

Bless you..... you sound like such a good dad.... Although all of this is bad timing for her (and you probably), it's nothing that the pair of you can't overcome by the sound of it. The 30-mile commute would be a nightmare, as well as expensive, but there might be other options rather than her living in a hostel....

 

I'm wondering if the school could release her to move in with you in April and then arrange for her to sit the same exams in a school local to you instead; as she would have already been entered for them. As students should all be sitting the same papers nationally, this is something worth putting to the school to see if they could arrange it. I work in a school and know that all kinds of things are possible..... and was just wondering if this might be a better option. I'm not saying it's definitely possible, but certainly worth asking about and/or pushing for, if appropriate.

 

 

I'd never even considered that would be possible! That would certainly solve a lot of problems - I'll put it to her and ask the school. Many, many thanks for that little ray of hope.

[PriorityOne]

I'd never even considered that would be possible! That would certainly solve a lot of problems - I'll put it to her and ask the school. Many, many thanks for that little ray of hope.

 

You're welcome.... please let us know how you get on...

[babybear39]

Good luck and best wishes

[CRH71]

It's been some time since I updated this thread - my apologies to anyone that's been following it.

 

Just wanted to update you all with the latest events. My daughter moved in with me in April, as I said above, and we managed, between us, to continue to keep her at her existing school (because they'd already entered her for the GCSE's there they wouldn't let her take them elsewhere so the coimmute became 2 hours each way by train).

 

She left school at the end of June and managed to land herself a "job with training" before her results were even known - locally to us.

 

When the results came through, she ended up with a total of 8 GCSE's, all at grade C and above which was a stunning achievement. She's now working towards an NVQ Level 2 in Business and Administration whilst working and earning that all-important money - OK, it's no great shakes at the moment, but from small acorns.......

 

She has weathered this storm admirably and now has got herself into a routine of staying here/her boyfriends throughout the week, and attends work regularly (clearly her mother's influences did not rub off on her ).

 

I am very pleased that everything worked out so well for her, and, of course it goes without saying, that I'm behind her, supporting her all the way.

[PriorityOne]

It's been some time since I updated this thread - my apologies to anyone that's been following it.

 

Just wanted to update you all with the latest events. My daughter moved in with me in April, as I said above, and we managed, between us, to continue to keep her at her existing school (because they'd already entered her for the GCSE's there they wouldn't let her take them elsewhere so the coimmute became 2 hours each way by train).

 

She left school at the end of June and managed to land herself a "job with training" before her results were even known - locally to us.

 

When the results came through, she ended up with a total of 8 GCSE's, all at grade C and above which was a stunning achievement. She's now working towards an NVQ Level 2 in Business and Administration whilst working and earning that all-important money - OK, it's no great shakes at the moment, but from small acorns.......

 

She has weathered this storm admirably and now has got herself into a routine of staying here/her boyfriends throughout the week, and attends work regularly (clearly her mother's influences did not rub off on her ).

 

I am very pleased that everything worked out so well for her, and, of course it goes without saying, that I'm behind her, supporting her all the way.

 

That's a fabulous outcome.... so glad you came back to update us.... I doubt she could have come through it all so well without your love and support.... well done to both of you!!!

 

All those GCSEs!!! You must be so proud!!!

[cymruambyth]

Well done to both you and your daughter. They can never take your education away from you and is very hard to go back and start again.

[Nystagmite]

Brilliant news!

[babybear39]

Congrats both

[watchinginvestigation2011]

Great results for your daughter. You sound a lovely parent xx

[Mr lex]

Thats a great result for both you and your daughter, well done to the two of you !!

 

Lex

[caro]

Sounds like your daughter really has her head screwed on. Obviously takes after her dad.