'A' Levels for DCA Employees?

[Fred Bassett]

Macdonalds are about to start running 'A' level courses on how to run a burger bar (strange but true). I wonder if DCA's could run a similar course and maybe people would like to offer up some suggestions as to what the content should be. Here's a few to get going with:

1. This is a telephone.
   
2. Basic toiletting techniques explained.
   
3. English for the sub normal.
   
4. How to tie your shoelaces.
   
5. Cutlery and why it's not a good idea to use it as bling.
   
6. Walking upright without scraping your knuckles on the ground.
   
7. Anglo Saxons and pigs - a DCA employee's lineage explained.
   
8. Interbreeding, family trees and why those belonging to DCA employees don't have many branches.

Regards to all.

 

Fred

[FLWLSW]

As far as DCAs are concerned the A in A level would not stand for advanced.

Perhaps they could include Basic law for toddlers.

[fuzzybobble]

The A in the DCA A level exam would stand for Amoeba. As this is the intelluctual level these pond **** seem to be at. (no offence to amoeba's inteded there.)

 

I would add the following to the list.

 

 

9, learning to breath through their skin, so the debtor can't get word in when they pause for breath while reading their phone threat-o-matic scripts.

 

10, How to ignore feelings of guilt when threatening a vunerable person on the phone.

 

11, How to tell the difference between fellow DCA employees and debtors, so you don't threaten the wrong people by mistake.

 

12, How to recognise a human being. (a mirror in a DCA office is useless for this purpose.)

 

13, How to spot a non compliant CCA agreement and then ignore it.

[Goldlady]

reading their phone threat-o-matic scripts.

 

 

They have the ability to read:o But obviously not letters that are outside the box..............

[FLWLSW]

They have the ability to read:o But obviously not letters that are outside the box..............

 

Now be fair Goldlady they do have the benefit of V Tech my first laptop equipment. I believe Mac Hall are considering upgrading to these from Speak and Spells.

[JonCris]

Wot! you mean I've been talking to computer all along.............. that explains a lot

[Guest forgottenone]

14 Free lessons in how to 'mortgage your soul and bypass any sense of morality' to terrorise your victims - erm, 'clients' - whilst hitting those vital daily targets, in order to get a free holiday somewhere in the darkest corners of Ibiza ... budget class, of course ...

 

15 How to troll a website about consumer forums ... and intimidate your victims further, possibly by posting snippets of their personal lives, debts ... this is worth an A plus Level ... and may lead to a graduation ceremony ... after you have passed your internship ... there's also a £5er in it for you as well. Bonus - a visit to the local kebab shop, where you can enjoy six packs of lager, whilst eating something that really should be in a lab some where ... all good 'quality' people and all

[Spamalot]

16. First Aid tecniques on broken fingers and noses having had door slammed in face.

 

17. How to dry hair after bucket of water has hit the spot after a 'home visit'

 

18. How to squeeze spots and pick nose whilst waiting on phone for victims to come up with payment.

 

19. How to remove bogies and pus from 'threat-o-script' after phone call.

 

20. How to accept payment on a christmas/easter/birthday/doner Card

 

21. How to justify their existance

 

:D

[F_DCAs]

Wouldn't they better off learning the alphabet first and the significance of the letter 'A'. Start from the basics. As in 'CCA - What it is and what it means to you!'.

[ODC]

That why DCAs work in groups of three. One can read and one can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals

[kiptower]

only problem is a DCA could never get to "A" they would have to learn to count to 10 first, 0 to 9 then A to Z

 

they cant get past 3 :rolleyes:

[niklepic]

Now be fair. The employees are people too!!

 

 

ROFLMAO I'm sorry, I can't keep a straight face at that statement!!!

[Spamalot]

That why DCAs work in groups of three. One can read and one can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals

 

Shouldn't there be a fourth one..standing on the outskirts...scratching head with one hand and a**e with other and looking meaningfully into the distance....The Look Out!

[F_DCAs]

AIC can't get 1 right! As in '£1 statutory fee'.

[accesspwd]

God this threat has god me in a fit of giggles

Edited June 18, 2009 by accesspwd
typo

[lickthewallfatboy]

does "A" stand for "anus"?

 

after all,it's what DCA's talk out of,isn't it?

[Spamalot]

Not forgetting this...

 

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/debt-collection-industry/165123-im-dead-but-dca.html

 

The degree course after passing the A level must consist of learning the ability to raise and collect from the deceased.... never let an opportunity slip away

 

1. How to turn up at a Funeral and inform relatives that the deceased owes them money but they're willing to accept a full and final offer.

 

2. One to one sessions with Mystic Meg

[accesspwd]

They tend to repeat themselves alot, so they could have a parrot on their shoulder ?

[Spamalot]

I have heard that there has been a lot of sickness in the profession with regards to RSI on their Dialling Digit... Perhaps this should also be addressed in Tutorial

 

How to dial with more than one finger... (Clients tend to use the middle one )

[welshwizard]

IT Skills - how to create letter templates from numerous 'offices' of DCA's and solicitors (mysteriously all having the same address) using colourful red bold fonts.....

[JonCris]

They tend to repeat themselves alot, so they could have a parrot on their shoulder ?

 

"a parrot on THEIR shoulder" Shouldn't that be the otherway round;)........anyway a parrot would be to far sensible to be a DCA ......... so don't insult parrots

[F_DCAs]

Exactly. Parrots are intelligent and highly social creatures. How dare you insult the good name of parrots!

[Spamalot]

Bearing in mind, that the majority of monkeys in these DCA's offices share a braincell, they'd have to get a ruddy big desk to sit at to do any exams!

[Fred Bassett]

only problem is a DCA could never get to "A" they would have to learn to count to 10 first, 0 to 9 then A to Z

 

they cant get past 3 :rolleyes:

 

I think you're wrong there. They count by using the fingers on one hand. Therefore, they can get to 6.

 

Fred

[accesspwd]

I never thought i could ever insult a parrot, the along come DCA's