91 year old needs help but won't accept it

[Discoraver]

Hi

 

I was wondering if anyone could help me. My father who is 91, nearly 92, is needing more and more support. He lives alone, in his own house and up until the last 2 years has been coping very well.

 

He is a proud man - as most of his generation are, and will not ask for help. I help as much as I can (as much as he lets me) but he needs more support. My family are more than willing to help but he just won't accept it as he see's it as being a failure. My tentative conversation with him about moving into supported accomodation sent him into a real spin for nearly a month and he really deteriorated in that time - although he has now recovered.

 

He suffers from Parkinsons, although his symptoms are not severe at the moment. He needs frequent assistance doing even the most simple of things, he is very unsteady on his feet and is now finding day to day life a real challenge. He often forgets (or claims he has already) to take his medication, he rarely washes and never has a bath or shower unless I insist he does. Simple day to day issues, such as the milkman being late send him into a real panic and I often have to rush round to calm him down ( this all sounds so much worse written down!)

 

Is there anything we can do? I have tried to be firm with him and I do everything I can to help (although I also look after my wife who has cancer and work full time but that's no excuse). I have already contacted the local council who arranged for him to have an emergency pendant fitted, they also fitted some hand rails around his house. I am at my wits end, I can not afford to pay for someone to help him, and he just won't accept my help (it really affects his health).

 

Is there anyone out there who is a similar position and if so what have you done?

 

 

Disco

[Nystagmite]

I can not afford to pay for someone to help him

 

Have you been told about Direct Payments? Does he receive Attendance Allowance?

[Discoraver]

Hi

 

Unfortunately I do not know about either..... are these income/savings dependant? He does not talk about money but I am absolutely sure he does not claim anything apart from his pension. He receives an employment related pension, state pension and armed forces pension.

 

Do you think that this is something that could help us to find him some assistance? I do have someone from social services visiting him next week to talk about his needs, a meeting that I will also attend as he can not cope with these things alone.

 

Disco

[Nystagmite]

Attendance Allowance (AA) isn't based on income or savings. All that needs to be proved is that due to his illness / disability, he has care needs.

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Disabledpeople/DG_10018710 gives more information

 

Direct Payments - http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/Introductiontofinancialsupport/DG_10016128

[stu007]

Hi

 

I know you say the local council has been out and given a pendant and fitted handrails but did they at all send out and Occupational Therapist to do a proper assessment of your fathers needs?

 

If not try contacting the local council and ask to speak to Occupational Therapist and explain your father predicament they are very helpful

 

Please also speak to CAB just to make sure your father and yourselves are getting all the benefits and help you are entitled too.

 

This may seem a silly question and please no offence is meant but during your father 91-92yrs and going, serve in the armed forces at all? The only reason i ask this as if he did you could then also contact the Veterans Agency.

 

I wish you and your father well