worried about loosing everything

[melowyelow]

Hi there

I don’t know where to put this or were to start but you guysin the past have served me well

Ive recently split with my fiancé after 8 years

When we met we were both bargain basement (desperate for oursaviours) we picked each other up and put each other back together

I truly love loved her but the chemistry from me to her was alwayslacking if she was my ideal i would have married her

She did want to marry me but i always held back

2 years ago my dad passed away and she was there for me wheni needed her she has been exelent to my 2 children and i have bought her 2children up as my own

I currently have mortgage arreas of £2300 and am expecting acourt letter any day soon

I have means to pay the arrears (not all at once obviously)but have a good job that i enjoy

I have sort of told my employer the situation but i haven’t beento work for the past 3 days

I have only worked there for 8 months and said to the boss iam currently in a mess but don’t want to loose my job

He has said that its ok these things happen don’t worry butkeep me informed

I have a dog my daughter lives with me whos 19 and i have alovely home but just cant seem to pull myself together

I have always been an emotional teary sort of person

I look at the dog and can see the dogs missing her

I look at my daughter and i can see I’m upsetting her cos she’sseeing me upset

The X is off today to look for somewhere else to live whichis worrying me because i genuinely wish her well and want her to be ok but shehas no plan i have told her she is welcome back here anytime as its thanks toher i didn’t lose my house 8 years ago but i have told her i can’t keep thatdoor open for ever

In summary ..............

I feel sorry for myself

Feel sorry for her

Feel sorry for my daughter

Worried about my house

Worried about loosing my job

Not eaten hardly anthing for the past 3 days

Any advice ?

[caro]

Hi Melow. Sounds like things are getting on top of you at the moment.

 

Sounds like you've had a good relationship for 8 years. It's one thing saying the doors open but it's another to go out there and fight for it to show your ex that you really care. Maybe the chemistry isn't there, but perhaps there's something more solid that's worth saving?

 

Until you decide what you want to do it's very difficult for others to advise on the best way forward.

 

If things are really too bad maybe you should see a doctor for help. Your employer sounds fair but I don't need to tell how important it is that you don't jeopardise your job, so stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

You can't deal with everything at once but you need to start taking steps to get out of this.

 

Work out what's most important to you and start with that. The first steps are always the hardest, but once you get going it will get easier.

[melowyelow]

Thanks Cairo

[caro]

Chin up!

[Squig]

Chin up!

 

Oh dear...sounds like everything has just got too much for you

You sound quite depressed to me, I would make an appointment with your GP if I were you

Once you feel a bit better then you will be able to deal with things a bit better

Best wishes

[Janie1962]

Hi, Melow

 

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low; it's a horrible state of mind to be in. Please try to eat - it sounds a cliche but you really do need all your strength and if you make yourself physically ill things will just get worse. Stress makes our bodies use more resources than normal (esp the B vitamins) so get a good supplement!

 

You do sound pretty low, so I would agree with Squig - get yourself to your GP. You've got nothing to lose. Anti-depressants don't remove your problems - they're not a magic bullet - but they will help you recover your perspective so you can get on with sorting things (including emotions) out. I suffer from depression, and I find that once I start to get a grip on things and take control, I do start to feel better. It's the feeling of helplessness that's the worst thing for me.

 

I know it's hard, but try to separate your 'physical' problems - house, job etc from your emotional ones. You NEED somewhere to live! Eventually, everything will settle back into place. Don't shut your daughter out, or your dog! They're hurting, too and need you more than ever.

 

Good luck, and let us know how you are.

 

Janie xx

[Ell-enn]

If you need help dealing with the arrears on your mortgage I can help with that try to stay positive, you will get all the support you need here

[melowyelow]

I should be ok with the mortgage Ell-enn no solicitors papers yet as of 29-5-2013....im gonna pay £500 off the arrears this friday (payday)& re enstate the direct debit wich will be motgage payment plus 100 of the arreas for all future payments its with the coventry used to be stroud & swindon

i know your good at this sort of think as i look on here quite often and thak you for reading this post

[scotgal68]

Hi Melow, what you're describing is grief. You're grieving for the loss of your life as you knew it with your fiancée. It's normal to feel that way. Its not depression it's how your mind and body cope with intense feelings.

I suffered a profound loss not too long ago. I stayed off work for a long time, waiting to' get better'.. It can't happen by isolating yourself I know that now.

Get outside, walk. It helps. Try and get back to work.

By interacting with people at work you can escape your surroundings and for a wee while put your feelings of loss and bewilderment to one side.

Telling people that you've split up is very difficult but it's therapeutic to talk about it.

Remember that darkest hour is only 60 minutes long, and it will become 59 then 58. You have to hold on to that, you won't feel as raw or hurt in a few weeks.

If you're no better in a couple of months then see your doctor, but for now let your mind and heart heal themselves.

Once your fiancée moves out you will feel a huge chunk of your life has gone, but you will get some closure, as you adjust to your new life.

Remember get out with the dog, walk and talk to yourself or your dog and even your daughter.

Your sun will shine again soon x