Repossession. Very scary but unavoidable. Help & advice needed!

[PriorityOne]

In a weeks time my mortgage company will be able to get a warrant to evict me from my house. To be quite honest I am fairly resigned to the fact and due to a lot of things that have happened it isn't necessarily going to be the worst thing when it comes to ridding yourself of a fairly useless and controlling ex! I went through a similar experience some years ago... There really is little to nothing I can do to prevent the eviction so in a vain attempt to keep my sanity I am just going to have to go with the flow as they say. It is fair to say though that I am very scared about getting back on my feet, finding somewhere for me and my children to live and affording it all on a low salary. It's the start of a new life for yourself and your children and this can be quite scary because it's a huge change for you all, but try not to be afraid of that change because this time...you'll be in control of it. I am really looking for any advice about remaining sane, getting the right information and keeping myself out of a never ending spiral of debt should there be a mortgage shortfall. This should be the least of your priorities to be honest... you have a young family and your primary focus is to them and to yourself. I had a huge shortfall after my former home was repossessed, but made token payments until they eventually accepted a F&F settlement.... which was around 2% of the amount alleged to be owing I have found a third party, similar to CAB who are willing to act on my behalf and negotiate with the mortgage company should it be necessary. If you feel better doing this, then that's fine.... but I handled mine myself and preferred to do it that way after receiving cack advice from a solicitor. I have even found myself some temporary accomodation until I can find something more permanent, but I have spoken to my local council about private renting and I just found myself becoming more and more confused about how much they would given me towards rent. This is a toughie.... and I'm not sure there is a uniform rule across councils. However, if you are staying with friends on a temporary basis first... you can apply for private rented accomodation from that address. I did this and my Housing Benefit covered the whole rent .... after I wrote and explained that I'd left an abusive relationship.... had stayed with friends and needed to have a stable base for myself and my daughter (who was 3 at the time).... and that there was no way I could afford the rent shortfall. I can't guarantee that they'll do this now and/or in your case, but it's worth a shot anyway. I also have pets (cats) and wonder what my chances are of finding a landlord who will accept them - has anyone had experience of that kind of thing? My friend rents a house privately and has 1 dog and 3 cats.... so yes, it can be done. I would suggest meeting with your prospective landlord first though, so that he can see what type of person you are rather than allowing an agency to just tell him/her that you have animals. My friend did this and it worked out very well... I could go on forever at the moment with all the thoughts running round my head, but if anyone can offer anything, even if just moral support, then I would be extremely grateful.

 

Hope it helps...

 

Just to give you an update on my own situation.... I took a Degree through the OU after leaving my ex... partly to keep my mind occupied, to be honest. Having passed that .... I am now a teacher and own my own home (by myself) once again. I can't say that it's been easy, but please don't see this as the end for you.... because it really isn't.

 

[PriorityOne]

Very useful advice, especially about meeting with the landlord if possible to show that I'm not Waynetta Slob . I read somewhere that it is probably a good idea to treat it a bit like a job interview and make sure that you turn up nicely dressed and organised. It is good to hear that your friend found a landlord who didn't mind cats - does she have his phone number lol.

I think a lot of landlords are wary about who they're going to get and to be honest, if I was renting out a property I'd be no different.... I've heard of people who've trashed places.... and the standard by which some people choose to live is quite disgusting... :-| I think my friend mentioned the cats before she took the property on and put her landlord's mind at ease, so when she went to him to talk about the dog that her ex partner no longer wanted.... he was fine with it because he'd got to know what kind of person she was, etc.

 

I was lucky enough last year to get a part time job which I love, with such supportive colleagues that at times it has been the only thing that has kept me going. It does stop you from festering too much on things by yourself.... and you also get other people's input, which is nice. Some days I cope well, others I feel suicidal and just so overwhelmed with how to sort everything out. One step at a time and you'll be fine... Then just when you think you are making headway, something like the discrepancy with what I think the court said and what the mortgage company says they said happens and it just becomes another heap of poo to sort out!! Yesterday I cried all day, today just for an hour. Once that side of things is sorted, it should bring you some relief in a strange kind of way.... which will allow you to focus upon starting afresh with your children.... Actually finding people this has happened to is amazing because there are no support groups out there in the real world (no-one wants to talk about it I suppose).Very true... people seem to have bucketfuls of sympathy though..... which used to drive me insane at times.... I just wanted someone to be strong for me for a while and offer some constructive advice that I could follow.... I keep trying to remind myself that actually, sometimes in life you really do have to 'go with it' as it is the only way to move forward. Yes.... it is

 

Thank you also for the advice about the mortgage shortfall. I have read that it is sometimes possible to get it written off altogether if it is small, or to keep paying just a tiny amount to at least show willing. I don't know how much your shortfall is, but mine was £52K.... which really freaked me at the time as you can imagine. However, they took £5 a month for four years and then settled for peanuts beause they got so fed up collecting such small payments.... with no hope of the situation ever improving. (That's what I kept telling them anyway.... there was no way I was going to give them any hope of getting a decent settlement....) Also, your ex won't be able to hide forever.... mine tried, but they found him.... lol I'd already got them to agree to chopping it down to £26K before the token payments started.... but God knows how much they tried to get from him and to be honest, I couldn't care less. I am also aware that it will no longer be a priority debt but I do worry that even with an agreement to pay a small amount in place they might pass it on to a debt collection agency. No worries there Hun... .... because you'll have no assets by then... so there's not much they can do to you... lol. I have had to deal with these with regards to the ex's debts and it has been a nightmare getting them to believe that he walked out and left no forwarding address. But that's another thread for me to start lol. If they're in his name only, then they're nothing to do with you.

 

Tawnyowl - bless you for putting me in the right direction. If I hadn't have found your thread about your own repossession then I would probably be under a number 27 bus by now!

 

Please keep any info/moral support coming, I really am so grateful. If anyone has encountered problems with discrepancies between what they think was said in court and what they are being told was said then I would love to know how you sorted it out. I am sure I am right but just feel that they will close ranks if I contact them.

 

A SAR will give you all the details you need, but this may be something you just don't have the strength to deal with right now and if it's not going to stop the repossession, I would suggest you leave it for the time being.

 

[PriorityOne]

Out of interest PriorityOne, how did 'they' trace your ex? Mine seems to have made sure that all roads lead back to me!

 

 

He won't be able to hide forever and will relax his guard eventually.... even if he's unaware of it. I'm not entirely sure how my ex was traced, but I know I was traced through DVLA records after I just left the home to be repossessed and went to live elsewhere.... I really needed to get away from the memories.....

 

At that point, he'd already left the house and was (unofficially) shacked up with the mother of our daughter's friend at playgroup. He thought I'd stay in it when he went.... stupid man.

[PriorityOne]

Wow, you are the first man I have come across who has accepted an apology graciouslly . Wish there was a parallel universe, you wouldn't see me for dust... (but knowing my luck at the moment it would probably be a bl**dy sight worse than this one lol).

 

I think your psychic powers must have let you down today because there isn't much strength building at the moment. Having dumped the third car load of my life in three days at the local tip it all became a bit much and I sat and cried. You'll have days like that Hun and sometimes it's quite healing to let it all out.... Then, something that PriorityOne mentioned came into my head which was that she was now buying her own home, and I suddenly realised that that means she must have another mortgage. Yes, I did get another mortgage.... Obviously these things do not last forever, and should I get the opportunity in the future then maybe I will get a chance to own my own home again. One of those daft things to think about I know, It's not daft at all.... and shows that you're beginning to think about a new chapter in your life.... but it just made me realise that I can hopefully move on if I just give myself time.

 

Hope you enjoyed the PG tips. Did you make a cup for the Mrs as well? I sincerely hope you did Am just about to read the link you left above, it sounds interesting.

 

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE. YOUR SUPPORT, ADVICE AND JUST 'BEING THERE' IS PROVING INVALUABLE.

 

[PriorityOne]

How are you doing Mrs B? Please let us know how things are going....

 

Thought I'd put this link onto your thread.... you may find it useful.

 

Council House Waiting List

Edited August 19, 2009 by PriorityOne
link

[PriorityOne]

Thinking of you Mrs. E...

 

I've been there too.... many years ago now and would never, ever have envisaged my life to be what it is now, so there is indeed hope... Every day is a step towards building a new set of memories and a new future. Leave the old ones behind and don't be afraid of this new journey because it will take you to a more peaceful place.

 

The only advice I would give you at this stage is not to drive past your old house once you've left it; not for a long time. Move forwards with life and don't look back. I left a 5 year gap before driving back to my old reposessed house years ago.... but by that time all I needed was a quick look up and down.... I then drove off. My daughter couldn't even remember it!

 

That chapter in life was firmly closed and it felt great!

[PriorityOne]

omg, I love your moving Homer Simpson picture. Wish I could find one like that for Side Show Bob, I think he's so funny

 

I have those days where I really don't feel positive, but there's nothing like keeping going for getting yourself feeling better. Having spent many years with severe and debilitating depression, I know only too well what it is like to lie in bed all day with the duvet over your head, but having to find myself a job and stand on my own two feet rather than relying on a man who didn't seem to care much about me anyway has done me a massive favour. I can so relate to that Hun... I now realise that I can deal with things. Sometimes you have to ask for help, and I now know that is perfectly all right to do, but I am not the useless person I once thought I was. My youngest son told me a couple of weeks ago that he respected me for how I have found a job and tried to make things better. I thought, 'well, I must be doing ok then!' I worried for years that I wasn't providing enough for my daughter but a few years back, she said to someone that she hadn't felt she'd missed out on anything! Brought a lump to my throat.... You are far from usless Mrs E. In fact, you sound stronger than you give yourself credit for.

 

I'm not sure how I will pass the news to Mr Blackadder when the time comes that the house has been repossessed, but I don't suppose it matters much anyway. It's not up to you to track him down.... he shouldn't have left you to deal with it. It's not like I'm going to get any help from him. Does anyone know what I should do with his remaining goods which I have put in the garage? I think that legally I have to let him know they are there and give him time to come and get them but without anyway of contacting him that's a trifle difficult to do!! Has anyone ever had to deal with the same situation? If they haven't been collected by the time you go, just leave them and go. I'm still annoyed that he is hiding though, and trying to make me responsible for everything. Perhaps I should employ some blood hounds and a posse. The thought of him being chased across the wild west by a great big, droopy eyed blood hound makes me laugh! He won't remain untraceable forever. My ex was traced eventually....

 

ps If my life experiences help me to help others, then I am more than happy to do so.

 

[PriorityOne]

Hiya Hun....

 

It really has to be your decision as to staying and having more time to sort things.... or leaving as soon as you're able. Not sure if it helps but from my own experience, once the larger items had gone.... then the smaller ones could be shoved into a hire van and driven off. I had little time to arrange things and no car of my own at the time, so when the day came to remove belongings..... it really had to be the last time. I was not there when the bailiffs came and broke in and by that point, had already vowed not to go back. If I didn't see it and wasn't around it, then it could be blocked out and treated as a closed (or nearly closed) chapter in life.

 

The decision has to be your own, as said..... but I think it's more than just buying yourself more time. The question is really whether you need more time this side of the move to tie up loose ends with an old life or, whether you could value that time more by using it to settle into a new life during the summer holidays instead.

 

Thank you for you PM.... and you're very, very welcome....