Poor Mum

[montaguegg]

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice please.

My dad died last may between us we had been looking after my mum who has dementia.

I have two much older step sisters who I have never had much to do with but suddenly became intimately involved with my dad in the end stages of his life they had never acknowledged him in anyway and although he brought them up as toddlers they ignored him and truthfully mostly my mum once a year visit for a birthday or mothers day whereas mum and dad were very involved in my famillies life.

I gritted my teeth through the last few weeks dad was alive because basically it gave him comfort and I thought i was being a jealous cow.

this myth was dispelled when I found out that they had made off with his meagre belongings within an hour of his death at the hospice having told them they were next of kin and leaving me the death certificate to collect.

There then ensued unpleasantness where they told me to stay away from mum and kindly changed the locks.

I then received a solicitors letter addressing me as a daughter in law ,with intent for them to seek power of attorney.

I corrected a somewhat bemused solicitor who asked me if i would like to act against them but i cant afford it so declined.

Then I received a document from the court of protection informing me of their intention to get POA and asking if I objected as an interested party,I was the grandaughter this time.

Mum Is not poor but mostly because she saved.

I objected on the grounds that if 2 needed POA then why not all 3 of us and also at that time she was still at home so I had no objection to them having access to her everyday funds but that her investments etc should be managed by an independant advocate.

No reply from them yet.

Early jan received another letter they have put mum in a home.

After extracting teeth I found out where she is.

We went to see her OMG if you could have seen her ,anyway in her room

there is nothing of her own home no photos no nik naks nothing.

we bought bedding took photos made the room homely as possible.

Mums flat was council we went to have a peep someone else is living there.

What have they done with all her belongings,jewellry furniture ?

please help me I am not very good at confrontation and my step sisters are both high fliers in banking luxury lifestyles,we cannot afford solicitors but I want to know what is going on and protect mum.

How can I unravel whats going on.

if you need more info I can provide it

Thanx for taking the time to wade through my post.

[Bazooka Boo]

Ok you have my attention, my BLOOD BOILS!

I have a similar situation, where my Nan on my mothers side died, wasn't found for 8 months (not well liked by family) my mother and uncle then went about the probate, selling the house etc, BUT!

My sister, who is a proper gold digger, only ever See's the monetary value in everything, had been in contact with my nan in the months leading up to her death, and there was talk of her being made the sole beneficiary, and not my Mum and Uncle. However Long and short is, my uncle was main beneficiary, so all smiles. My sister never even turned up to the funeral:confused:

In your case I would be inclined to see if you could qualify for legal aid? If not for all of it but part of the fees? Funny how death and money bring out the "real people"

There really is nowt as queer as folk, but I am never suprised at the meanness of human beings!.

I assume by "we" you have a husband/partner?

I would seriously consider seeking the advice of your local CAB, i know people knock them, but in my experience, if they don't know, they know a man who can.

And of course you are interested in being a POA, your her daughter. Don't let them intimidate you and bully you into backing down. You have just as much right if not more so, in managing your mums affairs as they have. It shouldn't be them filing for POA it should be you, and then them having to file as interested parties.

Start writing everything down in a diary, right from any letters you receive from them or anything concerning them, POA your Mum etc, try and collate as much evidence as you can regarding their lack of interest over the years, their actions at the hospital on the death of your father, did they attend his funeral? Does any of your friends or other family members feel the same way about them as you do? Is it as obvious to them that all they want is the financial gain once your mother has passed? It would be worthwhile investigating what exactly have they done with your mum's possesions? Is it in storage, did they sell it all, have they used the proceeds to pay for the home? Who is funding your mum's residence? Is it coming out of your mum's savings? Are they paying for it?

I really do think you need to get some proper clear professional advice on this. However, I know from having a brain injury that if I become unable to maneg my own affairs, i have already stated that my mother or stepfather is to be my power of attorney, and they will have the rights over all of my financial assets including my bank account etc.Mental Health Act 2007 (c. 12)

Have a read of that, and specifically Mental Health Act 2007 (c. 12)

Unfortuantely I think that that is as far as I am able to assist, unless you wish me to try and find anything else out on the internet for you? I have all the time in the world! Well, most afternoons, but not friday or saturday nights:D

Citizens Advice - the charity for your community

Don't give up now, why should they just breeze in now when you've been there all along, if it seems bloody hard work, then it's bloody well worth doing, the satisfaction will be your reward.

[Bazooka Boo]

Also found this, this is Enduring Power of Attorney, which is what I have made my mother and stepfather should I ever go shopping naked.

Enduring Power of Attorney

 

 

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You can no longer make or amend an Enduring Power of Attorney (EPA) but can revoke or register an existing one. A power of attorney is a document which allows another person (the donor) to make decisions on your behalf in certain circumstances. In contrast with LPAs, EPAs only relate to property and affairs, not personal welfare, decisions. Enduring Power of Attorney - Mental health law - WikiMentalHealth

 

 

Enduring Power of Attorney - Office of the Public Guardian

 

 

I have concerns for another person - Office of the Public Guardian

 

 

Mental Capacity Act - Office of the Public Guardian

 

 

Being an Attorney under a Lasting Power of Attorney - Office of the Public Guardian

That is all the Info I have managed to find so far, I hope this may help in some way;)

 

[montaguegg]

Thankyou so much for your reply I feel less alone than I did last night.

To reply It was actually us myself and partner plus 3 kids that effectively were banned from the funeral as we did not know where it was ,My daughter eventually phoned all undertakers in the area and located him alas to late ,however we did get his ashes which in a way was more important but when we picked up his ashes they were only in a paper bag with his name and weight on them ,my daughter who is less relaxed than me went ballistic but we had to shut up when a very embarrassed chap said that this was the lowest paid funeral and all we get ..my lovely dad in a bag,ofcourse we paid for him to have a bit more dignity.

Ive tried for legal aid but don't qualify and I will look at the websites you have highlighted.

I can only imagine financial gain is their motive.

I have the proof of our closeness to them,endless photos ,anecdotes the boys were so close to their grandad,I know the hospital were shocked when I explained that I was NOK not them as they had described themselves as such and also the hospice were mortified but what could I do people tend to believe educated liars .

Mum should have that money can you believe that they even took her wedding ring ?

My 13 yr old son noticed it on our first visit ,homes often think its a better idea not to have to much jewellry on residents but would never say no to a wedding ring.

I have some inside knowledge as a night nurse myself in a nursing home.

many thanks again xx

[IdaInFife]

Hi,

 

It is sorry reading that families act in this way.

 

My sitaution was different where it was her nursing home that was trying to get power over everything, they told the pension services etc that there were no relatives. My mum was at the home 3 times a week and i was once a week and her social worker and council contracts officer were appaulled by the homes actions. I do know however that these can be contested. i was in the process of that when my gran passed at christmas there. Although nothiing bad or untowrd happened i was just fuming at the way it was held. I had to write to the pension se4rvice and the public guardian ( this is for scotland), I would advised you to do the same but to the court of protection and any pensions she has.

 

Ida x

[montaguegg]

thankyou for your reply .

I am really not sure what to do I dont know if my step sisters can be compelled to disclose what they have done with her property and if it has been sold what safeguards there are legally to make sure mum gets the proceeds,I wonder if anyone could perhaps come up with a sort of template letter I could send them that was unemotional and yet might make them think I had had legal advice.I forgot to say I have written letters of their intention to do so and telling me to ask for what I want when I asked for dads wedding ring and st christopher for my boys they refused saying it was mums.

thanks sally xx

Edited February 11, 2009 by montaguegg
missd out a bit