Cheekiness towards a DCA

[Fred Bassett]

Mt Ton,

 

I posted this on one of your other threads, but it does throw up some interesting points and I've found it a good way of dealing with these to**ers. This is more-or-less verbatim and it happened to me a few months ago:

 

Them: "Mr Bassett?"

Me: "Yes"

Them: "For security purposes, will you please confirm your date of birth"

Me: "Whose security?"

Them: "Pardon"

Me: "Whose security are you concerned about here?"

Them "Yours of course"

Me: "Let me get this straight, you're telling me that for the sake of my own security, you want me to give you, a complete stranger ringing from a number that has been withheld, the kind of details that could be used to steal my identity?"

Them: "Yes"

Me: "Don't be bloody silly. Goodnight."

 

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Credit Solutions rang me the other day, i answered it & then discovered i was in a que system to speak to someone - the ruddy cheek :o

 

People who work for Credit Solutions are a warning to prospective parents.

[Fred Bassett]

Fred why are they a warning.

 

I am 24 weeks pergnant

 

Godmother, just stay away from anything harmful and you'll be OK, so will the baby. And don't call it 'Lucifer'.

[Fred Bassett]

It's like taking the pee out of dwarfs with a low IQ. It's not big, and it's not clever.

 

Nor are dwarfs with a low IQ.

[Fred Bassett]

when we have the money l will be donating aswell. just struggling atm.

 

Me too. I've got myself a CAG email account but that's the best I can do at the moment. In a few months time I might have a bit of money but I've got a huge battle ahead with quite a number of nasties. If I can see them off then there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I need all the funds I can get for the months ahead.

 

Regards to all.

 

Fred.

[Fred Bassett]

i had a male from cabot ring me a few weeks back, so i started asking all aboat him and then told him i was gay and i would like to come out for a drink with me sometime so we can get to know eachother a bit more as we can only do so much on the phone, to my surprise he hung up:o and he has not called back since:D

 

That's a dodgy tactic that is Hostage, suppose he'd turned out to be gay himself?!!!

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

i thought it was funny when the milkman turned up today and wanted £50 for a point of milk, told him its much cheaper in Tesco

 

A point of milk. Now that's proper West Country that is.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Yup, it's 2 mins down the road from me. Nice mess. 3 kids nicked it, 16 a 15 and a 14 year old. dunno how the cops gonna claim that on thier insurance

 

I know I'm a bit late on this, but that was in Hampshire. The police in Dorset still drive Morris minors.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

I posted this on my MBNA thread on Friday. Perhaps I should have posted it here:

 

"Just had a call from MBNA. Bad mistake on their part. I was ironing at the time (no, I didn't burn my ear), but I always stick the music on full blast and the 'phone just happens to be by the speakers. So, feeling in the mood to p*** them off, I asked them to hold on for a minute and put the handset down right by one of the speakers. Then it occurred to me that I have the perfect song for them - Victoria Wood's brilliant 'Wanchors'. Picked it up at the end and lo and behold they'd gone!

 

I enjoyed that, think I'll go out for a pint to celebrate Friday when my wife gets home."

 

Regards to all.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Hazel Blears, there's someone you wouldn't tire of slapping.

 

That's quite a conundrum. Would you like to slap her a lot or shoot her once? I prefer the second option because once she opens her gob that's what you feel like doing.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

The entire cabinet is living prooof of that.:o

 

It's not just brains is it? There was a time when Senior Politicians seemed to be great people, proper statesmen/women. They had integrity, gravitas, maturity, intelligence and they were believable. Not only that, but most of them had done something with their lives - real jobs. Most if not all of them would have served time in the services, so not for them the ridiculous use to which the armed forces are put nowadays (we sent another 600 to Serbia or Kosovo yesterday - can't remember which). I know there have always been political scandals but at least then they usually did the honourable thing and resigned when caught out.

 

Contrast that with the current crop. How many of them have had real jobs? Most of the Labour mob seem to have cut their political teeth as Polytechnic lecturers or as councillors. I really do doubt that they know what it's like to live in the real world. They have no maturity, look at our 12-year old Foreign Secretary for a start, no intelligence (well, we're a bit surprised that the low paid are up in arms about having their tax doubled), absolutely no integrity whatsoever, especially the ones among them that consider themselves to be "pretty straight kinda guys". If they get caught out, even in the rare instances where they resign or are pushed, they usually come back again (Mandelson, Blunkett etc.). Above all, they're not believable - what happened to the vote on the European Treaty?

 

Quite frankly it is no wonder that there is a rise in support for extremist parties like the BNP - the rest of us are being slowly disenfranchised.

 

Rant over.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Caroline Flint is reasonably presentable. Another erstwhile dope smoker, like Jacqui Spliff, the Home Sec, however.

 

I agree with you about Caroline Flint Scarlet and I reckon that Harriet Harperson might have been worth once round the block a few years ago. Other than that, they're all bow wows. Now that's a bit sexist isn't it?

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

I've always thoought that Dawn Primarolo might be a bit of a saucy minx, but I'm not well.

 

Actually Dannyboy I think you might be quite ill. I'm not well either at the moment but it hasn't impaired my judgement. The problem with Primarolo is that even if you could consider her good looking, there's the problem of what happens when she starts talking (I was going to say open her mouth but I wouldn't want to be CAGBOTed would I?).

 

She's just bloody awful - almost as bad as that other Nanny State harridan Patricia Hewitt.

 

You've probably guessed, but I don't like them very much.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

The only surprise to me is that Brown's shower are only 18 points behind in the polls. Our taxes have gone through the roof simply to pay for 500,000 additional civil servants - interfering busybodies who we don't need and whose only purpose is to make our lives a misery. They will of course get gold-plated pensions at the same time as our pensions have been destroyed just as the housing market is about to be. On top of this we've had to pay for devolved assemblies all over the place - even in Wales where only 25% of the population wanted one.

 

What do we get in return for this? Services being cut all over the place, at least where I live, except of course for 'safety camera' partnerships, schools where kids leave without being able to read and write, millions of immigrants nicking our jobs and no referendum on the EU Treaty. Oh, and my wife's tax rate has just been doubled but mine apparently has been cut.

 

Not a good return on our investments really is it?

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

It not just the MP's - it is some of the farce systems CSA ot Tax Credits to name but 2

 

Let's not forget the other quangos - the FSA, ICO, OFT etc. who have all proved themselves to be particularly useless when dealing with the banking industry.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

but to quote ...........

there is another way

and it starts with a X

 

True. To get rid of Broon would be a start but to put right the damage will take drastic action and nobody is prepared at the moment to put their hands up and say "we'll do it". If anyone emerges who does they will get my X.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Most disappointed no monster raving Looney candidate here what is the world coming to…………..

 

I think you'll find that there is. Livingstone's his name.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Good idea - The CAG party, not to be confused with other riotous events which have occurred over the past few years:o. I'm up for it.

 

Sounds like a fine idea to me Goldlady. We'll need a manifesto and a few policies, so here's a few ideas:

 

• Income tax to be reduced to 5p in the pound.
  
• Tax on fuel, cigarettes and alcohol to be removed completely.
  
• Scrap the Barnett formula and distribute the money fairly around all councils in the UK. That way, if the Jocks want free central heating, university places etc., they can bloody well pay for it themselves. They already have the tax-raising powers but, not surprisingly, they'd prefer the English to pay.
  
• Have a referendum on the European Constitution.
  
• Turn the Police 'Service' back into a Police 'Force' and make them start dealing with proper crime instead of persecuting motorists and people who put golliwogs in shop windows.
  
• Bring the Army back home from Iraq and Afghanistan and replace them with every DCA employee. Then tip off Al Quaeda with the whereabouts of the Blair Oliver and Scott and Credit Solutions regiments.
  
• Sack the 500,000 additional civil servants who have been employed by Broon to make our lives a misery and make them do real jobs.
  
• Scrap charges for going a few pence over your funding limit
  
• Ban the following TV programmes:
  • Soap Operas
    
  • 'Reality' TV Shows
    
  • Anything at all featuring Cilla Black or Terry Bloody Wogan

  [*]An outright ban on political correctness in all its forms.

I could probably go on, but that will do for starters.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

And - remove all the bureaucrats who are destroying and bankrupting the education and health services (if they weren't already included in your 500,000 civil servants).

 

Need more cannon fodder to replace the troops - I don't think there are that many DCA employees - or are there?

 

There aren't that many troops Goldlady. Same applies to the Navy. I think we're down to 1 submarine and a fisheries protection vessel. If we get invaded we'll have to rely on the Irish to bail us out. Mind you, we have got Police Community Support Officers. God help us all.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

I like your style fred

 

how about a few bits n bobs in there about

• the ever rising council tax that seems to pay for things i dont use or need apart from rubbish collection, ill keep my £1300 thanks.
  
• public transport costs being GREATLY reduced i understand the need for fare rises in fuel consuming methods, but electric bloody trams??
  
• immigration. that old stickler. STOP letting every other nation in Europe into this country, keep our jobs for the layabouts affected by my next proposal...
  
• Change the welfare state. an 18 yr old who has never worked a day cos they are too lazy is NOT entitled to benefits, where are there contributions?!!
  
• rise in the national pension

Im done.

 

And another one. Newsreaders who refer to 'metres' and 'kilometres', should be put up against a wall and shot.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Full Cabinet whats it full of?

 

By the look of things, the full cabinet is full of people who ought to start looking around for a new job in 2010 or before. So there is a god.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Hello everybody - hows my thread coming along?

Hope u all got out & gave the government a good bashing in the local elections today - i did

 

BREAKING NEWS!

Fuel protest at the stanlow oil refinery - tanks are bing turned away, this story has just broke in the past hour.

Gonna be chaos & no fuel tomorrow morning!

 

Mr Ton, I didn't because this time around it wasn't my turn. But I was there in spirit.

 

Regards.

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

A few more would be great.

 

Godmother, you wrote: "yep and scrap the fully free bus pass for the elderly as they thing they are entitled to get on the bus and take up the buggy/wheelchair places or even attempt to push me over to get on the bus and then moan loudly when they have to walk more than a few steps to the nearest seat."

 

As a motorist I say we have to keep free bus travel for the elderly. Have you any idea what it's like to live in the sticks where you travel on twisting, turning country roads with nowhere safe to overtake, only to be stuck behind some old f**t driving at 30 mph?. Not only keep it free, but make it bloody compulsory. That is until (and if ) I reach 70!

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

Ok then maybe we should help these ministers with some careers advice so which minister would be good for what roles in the real world?

 

Orwell, you really are missing what is right underneath your nose.

 

What is a Government Minister best at? - Lying, cheating, ripping people off and distorting the truth.

 

What do DCAs do?: Lie, cheat, rip people off and distort the truth.

 

Easy isn't it?

 

Fred

[Fred Bassett]

You cant beat the original

 

Mr. Ton, I could imagine the following conversation:

 

"hello, is that Mr Bassett?"

"Yep"

"My name's Gordon Brown and I'm from Brown Oliver and Scott, for security purposes, could you please confirm your post code and date of birth"

"I'll do that, but to ensure my security, would you please answer a few questions for me?"

"OK"

1. "Are you the same Gordon Brown who robbed Pension Funds in this Country to the tune of about £5 billion per year?
   
2. Are you the same Gordon Brown that has imposed a 70% tax on fuel?
   
3. Are you the same Gordon Brown that doubled income tax for people on low wages?
   
4. Are you the same Gordon Brown that more-or-less gave away this country's gold reserves?
   
5. Are you the same Gordon Brown that sold Great Britain down the river to Europe by reneging on your promise to give us a referendum on the European Constitution?
   
6. Are you the same Gordon Brown under whose government the personal details of virtually every citizen of the United Kingdom has been lost?"

"Yes"

"That will do, now f*** off, because I don't want to talk to you"

 

Ah, wouldn't it be nice?

 

Fred