Hi Everyone, As some of know I have been quite poorly for some time now. My problem is sitting up at my computer for any length of time (Big C in spine) so I thought a laptop that I could use in bed may be another option. Anyone know where I can get a VERY cheap one. Hope this thread is ok and I don't get told off but I thought it was worth a try. Hope everyone is ok and keeping their chins up. Hugs Chris x

Oh for gods sake ! Some people need to be a less tetchy. This was only someone sounding off and we all need to do that at times. I personally was enjoying this tale and having a laugh..........it also brought back memories from my childs youth. I for one would like the next chapter please. I thought this site was about sharing and caring

Hi Danny, What GREAT music............god that has taken me back !! Was feeling rather s**t until I found this thread and played the music. Cheers mate JB

Thank everyone for the help on this thread. Have downloaded some stuff. JB:D

Depending on the date if I bring my own case of wine can I come ?

My 'darling' wears a t/shirt with ASBO on the back! Even the local bobby calls her ASBO now (that could have something to do with her swinging from the end of his leg whilst she was growling tho). He fully understands that she is a 'trained killer' see picture on avitar lol

Kirkby in Liverpool Earthquake Appeal An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the richter scale hit Liverpool last Wednesday morning. The epicentre was Kirkby. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying 'bang out of order', 'mental', and 'that did my head in'. The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed. Many locals were woken before their Giro's arrived. One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said 'It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into my bedroom crying, and my hands were shaking so much that I could hardly skin-up whilst I was watching Trisha.' The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found numerous 'Elizabeth duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Poundstretcher, and Argos catalogues. However they have not managed to save any furniture from Crazy George's as yet. How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits (his & hers preferably) white socks, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats, and Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain's Micro-Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, and Iceland pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider and Stella (wife beater). Cash donations are also needed. 22p buys a Bic biro for signing on, £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner, £3.00 buys a blag CD (not an original copy), £20 buys a fake M.O.T., (or 10 gallons of red diesel to burn the vehicle out), and £26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just back from Kavos.

Well its the first time my bed has shaken in 4 years !

I am still be traumatised by my daughters birth and she is 34 !

Great stuff Jo........... Follow that MTM

Bloody right we are ! lol:D

Oh god ananya......has he got a brother who would be interested in a 53 year old that thinks she is 35 ?

Umbertos fish and chips

Obviously not ! ha ha

I cant remember meeting you Pete lol

Hi Everyone, God its cold ! Sorry to hear about your woes FL and hope Mrs FL is feeling a lot better soon:) . I pleaded with my daughter to go into care from being 14 - 18 but got nowhere. Bu**er would not go and spent a lot of time sat on bottom of stairs saying she could not come into lounge due to my smoking - I had no problem with that one. Things got better from 18 tho so not long:D I'm off to Madrid next weekend for a party with 18 others and have just booked a cruise yesterday for May around the Med - guess who is going to be putting a lot of time in work Also small lottery win so off to Antigua again in November. Things are looking up:D Big hugs to you all xxxx

Why We Love Children 1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I ****ed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move' 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?' 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'' 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'

Do you not realise I have just bought a NEW bed ! The cheek of the man. IKEA ha:D (and stop correcting my spelling - its the false nails ok! lol)

MTM do you realise where I work ? I DO the time ! Mine is 34 year old and I am sure yours must be better than mine Chrissi ! I have been looking to see if I can find the manual for kids but can't seem to. If I do will send you a copy. Kids should realise we need our 'rest time'. God I need a holiday

Valentines Day ! I shall of course put my box behind the door to collect the cards so ASBO does not get them as I have done for the last 30 years and I will of course receive the same number as I have over the last 30 years. NIL ! (I bet the bl**dy dog gets more than me - would not be hard!) Oh and at the moment I don't like kids. Well not mine anyway.

LOL I have written a letter to local authority saying there was more chance of seeing Lord Lucan riding on the back of Sergar coming down my street that my 'home carer' ! Am awaiting a reply with eager anticipation:D Hope everyone is OK...........I have had a problem getting the mattress of my back the last 2 weeks (Don't go there Pete, FL or MTM !) and ASBO has driven me nuts. Have tried Battersea but they put me on hold whilst the dog laughed!

Shergar was a bl**dy horse lol:D Do you mean Lord Lucan ?

Done

hi dyfrigjohn@hsbc.com Hope this helps JB

Hi Kerrie I too had simialr problems some years ago and in the end wrote and asked my MP TO VISIT ME AT HOME. This way he/she can actually see how bad your husband is. Mine came on a Saturday and by the next Thursday I had all my benefits re-instated for life! Get copies of all the correspondence for him/her to see including letter from GP and Medical Reports from Consultants ect. Hope this helps and that you get all your benefits back. Hugs Chris