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The 10 Best Golf Caddie Remarks

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Golfer: ‘Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.’

Caddy: ‘Think you can keep your head down that long?’



Golfer: ‘I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.’

Caddy: ‘Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.’



Golfer: ‘Do you think my game is improving?’

Caddy: ‘Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.’



Golfer: ‘Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?’

Caddy: ‘Eventually.’



Golfer: ‘You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.’

Caddy: ‘I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a Coincidence.’



Golfer: ‘Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction.’

Caddy: ‘It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.’



Golfer: ‘How do you like my game?’

Caddy: ‘Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.’



Golfer: ‘Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?

Caddy: ‘The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.’



Golfer: ‘This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.’

Caddy: ‘This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.’


#1 Best Caddy Comment:

Golfer: ‘That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.’

Caddy: ‘It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.’


And the old favorite…..is the one about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole. He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy if he has seen any obvious problems to which the caddy replies…. ‘There’s a bit of sh*t on the end of your club Sir’.


The Golfer picks his club up and cleans the club face at which point the caddy says ‘The other end, Sir’

Before you criticise another man you should first walk a mile in his shoes. Then, when you criticise him, you'll be a mile away and he won't have any shoes on.


Don't get me confused with somebody knowledgeable by all those green blobs. I got most of them by making people laugh.


I am not European, I am English.

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Brilliant Fred....as always;););)

All advice offered here is my opinion only based on what I would do in a given situation. If you wish to act on it you do so at your own discretion


I have no legal expertise or qualification, and give advice on the basis of my own experience and nothing else.

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

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