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In a Mess.. Dont know what to do anymore. Help Needed.

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Hi All..


I am in such a mess, I am feeling really depressed, sleepless, headachy, panicky etc etc. Even contemplaing "bad thoughts."


I am in serious debt, because I am not a very organised person. I have a small gambling addiction, a compulsion to spend what I have in my pocket on crap, and mounting debts from before.


I know I sound like an a**hole, but I really hate myself.


I cant stop buying things.. I run a pub, and keep buying lights, sound stuff, stuff for the flat, furniture etc etc.. Mainly from Ebay...


I Have a daily cash income which makes things worse, I dont pay in nearly enough into the bank as its already spent. I couldnt tell you who all my debts are with, I have arrears on a joint mortgage, I have a very low credit score.. I just want to be able to stop it all and start to rebuild my life.


I am in such a low, I can barely function at the moment.. I even get panicky about running my bar, or doing anyhing at the moment... Its just not me. I am usually happy and confident.


Its putting strain on my relationship, she knows im in debt, but not how much (i dont really know for sure either.)


I am not a very organised person, I never have been, and I cannot describe how frustrating this is to me. I try, but theres some mental block that inhibits me.. I cant do anything right!


I really want to gain control and start afresh, but I dont know where to begin, and how to "collect" all of my debts to establish how much it is I owe, and to scoop myself out of the mire...


Please Help me... I do not know where to turn..


And sorry fo being Sh*t :(

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hi foccy..............sorry to hear of your problems, the good thing is that by joining this group, you have made the first step to recovery......THE MOST INPORTANT THING TO DO NOW IS DO NOT GET INTO ANYMORE DEBT..............the next thing to do is to find out about all your debts..........get all the paperwork together and sort it into each individual debt..............from there you can start to deal with them as separate items.............like they say to eat a whole elephant one must first cut it into small peices;)


kind regards


Edited by karenruthj8
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Hi again foccy.............I just read through you message again, and it ocurrs to me that you may need to visit your doctor to get some help with how you are feeling.


To explain, I went through the same thing with my husband about six years ago now. We have been through a lot over the years but he now has a good job and we are doing Ok..........so there is a solution and if you want to you will get through this.


kindest regards and remember YOU ARE NOT A Sh*t


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Hi ya :)


Jesus could of been reading about me !! My gamblings poker ;) Any ways I dont have a mortgage but i have numerous debts and too have sleepless nights panick attackes etc etc .


Your not on your own , once I confided in a work colleague she told me she too was in massiv arrears and that another colleague of ours was too . We only have 6 staff so half of us are in a financial mess , HOWEVER this site ha proed a total god send to the three of us and we now realise all the letters , threats etc are not the end off the world and there is a way out.


Im starting facing up to my gambling problem , its not massive but its too much it snot for fun anymore :( I would say this is the first thing you need to get the ball rolling on .


Soon enough some clever person will come along to advise you on the moeny side of things and you will start to see your onot on your own :)

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got to agree with the gambling my weakness on line poker however i do only play for fun don't lose a lot of money if any

i would agree with MRSWESTHAM stop gambling keep of the fruit machine in your pub close your e bay account get all debt letter put in order its a start the help will come and you will be OK

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This might sound trite but stop gambling! I know it's not easy. Been there, done that. There is no such thing as a small gambling addiction. You are an addict or you're not. Admitting that is the first step to acknowleging you have a problem. The buying of stuff is (I think) a ego boost. because you feel depressed, you buy to boost your self esteem. Tell me to bog off if i'm wrong.


I was where you are now but my addiction was slot machines. It took some serious self bo**ocking to get me where I am today. It was hard work but I made it. You can too. The doctors will help, Mine was an absolute star. No wonder he got an OBE. Nobody knows what you're going through until you open your mouth.


Next, get some folders, plastic inserts and start organising where you are with your debts. Once you have done that, contact your creditors to either organise your debt with them or to get a copy of your Consumer Credit Agreement (CCA) If any debts are with a Debt collection Agency (DCA) then definitely CCA them.


Let us know which way you want to go and we will help as much as we can.


Oh yes, If you start having bad thoughts, let me know and I'll come round to slap you silly :D:D



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Hi Foccy and welcome to CAG,


i think the first thing would be to sit down with your partner and explain everything you have said and you must try and get help. Your GP will be able to refer you to the people you need.


Whilst that is being arranged maybe you should ask you partner to take control of the day to day finances.


kepp any letters that are coming in and get a reprot of your credit files as this will give names and amounts and you can start one by one to see what they are for.


As soon as you know any post up here whop they are rough amounts and what tehy were for and we can start to help you.



Good luck


Ida x

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Thank you for your kind words, I am taking comfort in the knowledge that there are so many friendly people on here..


I think Diced elephant sounds too good to be true..


I will struggle to find all relevant paperwork.. I have moved into this pub, and "run away" from my other house with mortgage arrears. My co-mortgagee has thrown away some old paperwork in an attempt to tidy up, also some post.


I need practical steps to regain control, Is there a way I can actually find out who I owe money to?



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Hi foccy.............draw a line today between your past and the present & stop feeling guilty.........are you currently receiving letters from any creditor?


LV krj8

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Hi Foccy


I am sorry to hear about your financial difficulties, but can assure you, you are not alone, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


The first thing you could do is request a copy of your credit report through Equifax or Experian. You can request these free of charge, but at the most they cost £9. This will outline all debts outstanding and to which companies.

You could then sit down, either on your own or with your partner, if you choose to tell her about the extent of your debts, and collect together any finance agreements, letters or statements that you have received from your creditors. If you do not have any statements, take a look at your current bank account and see who the payments are being made to, and how much - this will confirm who you owe money to.

You then have several options available to you. First of all, you could gain help and counselling about your gambling, and confide in your partner for support.

You could then send CCA requests to all creditors to find out what is enforceable and what is not, OR you could enter into informal debt management plans. To be honest, the debt management plans are a relief. It takes away so so much pressure, for someone to deal with all correspondence from creditors on your behalf, someone to speak to about your problems, and someone to distribute your payments to your creditors. Some debt management companies are free of charge which is even better. Whilst you are making these payments, you can slowly beginning to rebuild your life, and feel more like yourself again.

Keep your chin up :)

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I have just been back to Southampton to get all letters and notices.. and by god there's loads.. I dont really want to update my addresses wit all the DCAs as I dont want them to know where I live.. Just had one set of baillifs come round to Southampton., but I am not there, and have nothing of mine there (that they can prove) and My flatmate, being a copper tells them exactly where to go...


I have drawn a line under my past... I will struggle, but Starting Monday, I'm going to sort all paperwork into creditors, and will let you know how it goes..


I still have a few commitments to things I have bought before now, which I will hve to honour as Im not the sort to back out of an agreement.


I will try to ascertain the scale of thngs and follow any advice I get regarding them!


Thanks everyone for the encouragemet. (I havent played the fruits since I posted!!)





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Really sorry to hear of your situation. You have done the right thing by posting and for some reason knowing that you are not alone does make a small difference.


I cant really offer you much advice on your situation but hopefully some encouragement, by reading the replys you have some good ones. Remember you have taken a big step by addmitting to yourself your issues.

Keep checking the forums for continued advice.


When you are feeling low just pray.

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Hi ya Foccy :)


Just wndered how your getting on? Seems like theres loads doesnt it bit when you actually go through it there i probably quite a few letters about the same thing any way!


What about the gambling? I have had one game of poker ($5 table) all week and I played for fun rather thatn to win so if I can do it you can do it ;)

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