Help with CAMHS

[mina2974]

Hi I went to my gp and asked for my son to be referred due to some behavioural problems that i am having with him. We have door and window alarms to stop him wandering off, locks on cupboards to stop him eating til he vomits and he is obsessive.

The chams team will not give him an appointment and have advised me today they have on their notes that they spoke to me and discussed the fact that my son does not need to be seen. Every time i tried to call them they promised to call me back and never once did! I am desperate for some help for my son, at 11 years old he has no friends and says the other kids at school think he is weird, he has only ever managed to make one good friend and that is with a child who has asperger himself. My son has escape routes planned and talks about killing himself! how can they say there is nothing wrong with him without ever meeting him?

 

If anyone knows if there is anyway i can fight this i would really appreciate it as he is getting more and more depressed

 

Sam

[mina2974]

HI

 

Yes he has been referred, will contact his Gp now and see if he can help

 

Sam

[mina2974]

Decided to give it one more go and got thru to the head of the dept, she has given my son an appointment for the 23rd of October!

 

Has anyone been thru this process, am not really sure what they can do to help or what it is that they do during the assesment.

 

Im very worried about the whole thing as I dont have a clue why my son is the way he is, but at the moment he is so depressed that he is talking about killing himself, he needs some help but I dont know what to do for him, his 4 sisters all seem fine and are happy at school and have loads of friend, he tells me that he sits on a bench on his own every day because all the other kids think that he is wierd

 

Sam

[mina2974]

Thanks for all of your support, it's taken me a long time to admit that my child is "different",

I have blamed myself, tried to be stricter or more loving but nothing has helped,

my child does not have serious violent outbursts very often as its not his way.

 

last year my dad told him he could catch a bus to see him on his own, when i told him he couldnt do this as he was only 8 he would not belive me as a trusted person told him he could,

he was brought home by the police 3 times in the middle of the night where he had snuck out to catch a bus, he even went into a total strangers house,

to this day we have to have door and window alarms, fortunatly he has only managed to get out once since then.

He will steal food, even eating raw meat and eat until he vomits and refuses to sleep,

he cant understand why he has no friends and why the other kids think he is strange, I can see why they do, he is obsessed with one toy and its all he will play or talk about, he even has a shrine to pokemon in his bedroom. He does not get their jokes or when his actions are inapropriate, He will happily tell anyone all our family business or make comments about them that come across as really rude.

When he is in a good behaviour cycle he is the best most loving child ever but when he is in a bad behaviour cycle he could do anything, last week we sent him out front to call his sister in and in that two mins he threw a stone at a moving car and smashed in their windscreen, he had no reason for doing it.

the school special needs officer is worse then usless, when i inquired if my daughter could be tested for dyslexia, she said she couldnt possibly have it as she was not spectacular in another area such as math!

I hope they take this seriously as like I said he is already saying things like the world would be better without him and about taking lots of tablets to kill himself,

just to add to all of this he is going blind in one eye and has a kidney condition called nephrotic syndrome as well as severe flat feet. Really has been hit with the unlucky stick:(

 

I dont know if he has an illness or if its depression and feel like I have failed him because i dont know how to help him.

 

Sorry I needed to offload this , never thought I would be locking away the painkillers in case my child tried to do something

[mina2974]

I did a lot of reading when i first started to explore the possiblity that there is something wrong with him above and beyond just bad behaviour, His best/only friend has asperger so i know a bit about it but he lives over 200miles away, my problem is that r does not fit into either asd or aspergers though he has elemements of both

 

Tiglet if your son ever wants a pokemon enthusiast to talk to I will happily put him in touch with my son! anything to save me from yet another discussion lol

[mina2974]

yes he is will pm you his e-mail address:)

[mina2974]

Hi Tiglet

 

does your son know that the creator of Pokemon has asperger? My son insisted that i tell you this lol

 

sam

[mina2974]

Hi

 

Has a call from cahms today asking if we could bring r in a week early for an initial assesment due to a mistake in appointments times,

 

R was on his best behaviour but did burst into tears at one point, when left in the waiting room while we talked to them he re-organised all the books in adults and childrens and then coulor coded the toys lol

 

I asked if she felt there was a mental health issue, she said that she felt that r definatly required a refferal to the social development unit.

I am not sure how long this will take but am hoping that it wont be long

 

mina2974

[mina2974]

HI lube lue

 

I know exactly how you feel, I go from thinking its something I have done wrong to believing i should trust my gut instant that there is something different with r, because he does not melt down at school and is quiet he does not get noticed but is getting kicked, punched and spat on by other kids, as he's getting older he is getting worse and hides away in his own little world, the stress of trying to be normal is making him want to kill himself.

After a lot of shouting i now have got the school to agree to start the caf process and cahms involved, its so sad that he had to get suicidal to get them to see how bad things are for him

hope things improve for you

all the best

mina2974

[mina2974]

Hi all,

 

has anyone here had their child physically restrained by the school?

R went into full melt down for the first time at school, situation started off with him swearing at a boy who has been bullying him for months, R was shouted at by 2 dinner ladies got scared and did his usual bolt, he came back when the bell went and went into his class, His teacher tried to question him but he panicked and started to cry(panick attack), the deputy head then came into class and grabbed his arm, this sent R over the edge and he tried to grab desks and chairs, The deputy then twisted R's arms behind his back and forced him out of the class room, R has been awake most of the night with nightmares and his arm is bruised, the school know he hates being touched, shouting terrifies him and that he hates being stared at, R has never had to be restrained before and is not violent to others, he was upset and crying not trying to run or hurt himself or anyone else, are they allowed to do this to him, also they never told me about this I only found out when he got home and told me, I am really angry, they know how fragile he is and how desperatly he wants to end it all, they have done nothing to help him and the first time he allows himself to show emotion they end up hurting him:mad:

I know he did the wrong thing but he only repeated what other kids have been calling him for months and never got into trouble for, he thought he was defending himself and became scared and confused when all the shouting and staring started.

The whole situation was crazy at one point the poor child had six adults chasing him around the school

Is this how schools treat troubled kids and is there anything I can do to stop it happening again?

Mina2974

[mina2974]

I am in bits right now, the school have now decided to report me to social services and have got cahms to contact me as they feel I need "extra support"

 

They did not follow correct procedure and someone from the La is going to a meeting at the school with me on monday, I stepped in before them and called social services myself as my son is in pain

cant type anymore as am too upset

will update later

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Hi

 

Sorry for being soft befor, there has been a lot to deal with today, the reason I got so upset is that my son is now 11, the last time he had a public meltdown he was 4 years old! something went very wrong at that school to make this happen.

 

Last week I had to contact the school about some bullying of a racist nature after finding a note that my daughter wrote, in one week my son had his head hit against a hand dryer, one daughter was kicked and pushed to the ground and another pushed to the ground by a boy who tried to force her to kiss him.

 

I am convinced that the reason my sons behaviour is getting so bad is because of the bullying and negative atmosphre at the school, I am going to call the police when my husband gets home so that I have some support while I talk to them, I have contacted my outreach worker and asked her if she is willing to be my personal support and have done everything possible to organise an effective support network for all of my family, I call social services myself as I did not want the school to but do feel it could be a very good move,

the school has failed to supply a list of approved people to handle these situations, they have not followed correct procedure as far as documenting the incident and they have failed to supply the sen policy and restraint policy, the school are 100% blaming my son for the incident but he reacted, he did not intend to cause this situation, they ignored everything that I told them and had a battle of wills with a scared little boy.

I am angry and upset that my child has been labled abusive by this school, my son has never hit another child, he hurts himself not others, just because he does not yet have a clincal diagnosis they thought they had the right to ignore everything that I told them and are trying to make it look like I am not coping with my children,

 

I am angry, I am upset but I can and do cope, it is the school who did not cope, its them that are hurting my child not me!

Thank you for those links bookie:D they are fantastic, big kiss from my son to you

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Have been advised to take my son to hospital as the bruising and pain in his arm has got a lot worse, will update once he has been seen

 

 

Mina2974

[mina2974]

I have contacted the police but we are still waiting for them to come and see him, same with social services, I took him to the local hospital and made them document my sons injuries and took photos to make sure that I also have proof of the injury, the hospital were great and put down in the notes how this has affected my son emotionaly as well as physically, the police phoned today "are you sure you dont want the LEA to deal with this" NO this is a police matter.

 

Have now sent the following letter to every goverment dept and minister that I can think of, its strong but my son deserves to be protected and I will shout until he is

 

To whom it may concern,

 

I am desperately sad about recent events following a move to blank,Warwickshire, My 3 older children started at a school called blank blank, they were happy children who loved school, My eldest child has always shown signs of a social development disorder however needed little intervention as he managed to sustain a high level of control and was a happy child, Over the course of the last year there has been a dramatic change in his behaviour and his mental health, My son has become a sad little boy who believes the world would be a better and happier place if he was not in it, he talks of suicide and self harms by hitting himself, pulling out his hair and banging his head against walls,

My two daughters hate going to school and feel like they are different, my 8 year old daughter wrote a letter which broke my heart, "I used to think being brown was not wrong or different but now I do"

I reported these feeling to the school and also reported the dramatic difference in my son to the school, however on 6th of November a situation occurred at the school the week after I spoke to them about the racist remarks being made to my children which escalated to such an extent that my son was wrongly physically restrained by the deputy head which has resulted in my son being left bruised and in pain, my son has been left emotionally distraught, bruised and in pain

The school have described my son as a violent and abusive child and have stated that they should not have to deal with children such as him, I feel that the actual problem is that the school it self has seriously failed my child, My son does have a mental health issue however his last public meltdown was at the age of four, he was barely noticed at his last school, in his entire school life he has never shown violence or abuse to any other person, this can easily be checked by contacting his previous schools, my son was distressed, confused and scared, he made no attempt to hurt himself or anyone else, he was not trying to run away, In fact all he wanted to do was to sit down in his seat and regain his control, he resisted leaving the class because he could not cope with the thought of doing anything but getting in that seat, In his mind this was a safe place, The school ignored all signs of distress and my sons mental health and had a battle of wills with a child whose thought process were impaired, They Ignored his obvious distress and only focused on getting him to "do as he was told", allowing him to sit down and regain control would not of diminished their authority and would not of affected discipline, not allowing him to do this resulted in physical and emotional injury to my child. It was also known by the school that my son has nephrotic syndrome which is a kidney disorder yet they still physically handled him.

The school showed no empathy for this highly distressed child and have in fact contacted his cahms psychologist and insinuated that my family is in crisis, My family is deeply upset and traumatised however the reason for this is external, the actions of this school are the cause of our distress.

I hope that by contacting yourselves this matter can be taken to the highest level and that someone can explain to me how my children who loved school now hate it, My son deserves to be seen and heard, he deserves to be protected and he has the right to a safe and secure mainstream education, something at this school went so badly wrong that this happy healthy child became unstable and suicidal, all three children complain that teachers at school don’t talk to them they shout, they don’t listen and ignore problems.

We have never lived in asian areas, my children have always attend predominantly white schools and have never had issues previously with being treated with respect and dignity, they all loved school and felt that school was a safe place to be, the every child matters philosophy has failed within this school environment, My children who have previously had good schools felt the difference and it has had a dramatic and devastating impact on them

I hope this is taken seriously and that someone takes action, children who lose the love of school at such a young age are left so disadvantaged and children with mental heath issues need someone to stand up and take care of them. All children deserve to be heard and to feel safe and secure

mina2974

Edited November 8, 2008 by mina2974
remove school name

[mina2974]

Thank you hun:)

 

I am feeling strong at the moment, the support from fellow caggers helps me so much, I do believe there is a link between my initial complaint about racism and the currant situation as prior to this R was at the school for 11 months without any incidents reported to me by the school, I think that that situation did affect the way he was dealt with.

This is my first ever experience of race discrimination and it saddens me as I am 35 and never even thought that color could be such an issue:(

 

However I will not dwell on this aspect as for me my children's wellbeing is far more important than the actions of a few small minded idiots, I am looking for a new school for the children and hope that a fresh start will help them, I will Not tolerate the treatment my child received at the hands of this school and will carry on shouting until someone listens

 

A positive is that the cahms process will be speeded up as he was already on the urgent list, I am not going to allow their description of my child as a violent and aggressive individual to stand, He is a sweet loving child and they were the violent ones

 

thank you all for your support , the information and kindness provided have touched the heart of my family and we will be forever grateful

[mina2974]

Hi Tigs,

 

I have just read your post about your son, If you remove the high ability and replace it with being artistic you would be close to describing my daughter! she is ten and spells ok ko, she is highly emotional and used to bring entire classes to a halt with her crying and once spent a year living on plain cheese pizza, She speaks at super speed and most people have difficulty understanding her, I would be very intrested to know more about how you got your son assessed as schools have always refused to even though at ten she is only acheiving a level one in her sat's

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Hi Lisa

 

I cant tell you how much the support on here means to me, I dont really leave the house unless I have no choice and am dreading the meeting on Monday with the school, but unluckily for them I will be going armed with all the advice I have been given on cag;), They are expecting a weak uninformed person and will be in for a huge shock, Cag has changed me as a person, I am more than willing to fight for my rights and even more so when it comes to the rights of my children. I only hope that one day I can help someone else as much as I have been helped

 

I am glad that your nephew is doing well and wish you all the best sorting out his new school.

 

All the best

 

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Hi all,

 

Have read through bookworms post and will follow her advice, I know i have to go in and take the emotion out, I will be changing the kids school as advised the police and hospital!

am printing off and highlighting all the relvant points and will be taking my mum hat off during the meeting.

It wont be easy but I fully intend to go into this the same way I would deal with a dca, firm to the point and using the law

Thankyou so much for your advise bookworm, I know you have learnt all of this through personal experience and am so grateful that you are helping me through this.

The police have said that although the law was not broken as far as where my sons burises are they are concerned that the restraint procedure was done incorrectly and are happy to say the same to ss

Mina2974

[mina2974]

The meeting did not go well, There were four of them and they refused to discuss anything but my sons behaviour at school, they talked about him as though he was a problem that needed to be fixed, fortunatly after all the advice I was given I was ready for that, have a letter ready outlining all the errors that were made and am ready to battle to have my son recognised as a disabled person rather than the damaged child they seem to feel he is(their words not mine), Had no one that could come with me and will refuse to meet with anyone else unless I have someone avaliable to come with me so I have a witness to confirm everything that was said.

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Hi all

 

Yes it was a horrible experience, the guy from the LA asked if I thought my son was a damaged child!

I am going over their heads and sending my complaint letter to Ofsted and to the Minister of the Education Dept, they are doing all they can to block complaint and are trying to lable R as abusive/violent/damaged, Have called in all the support I can for the Caf meeting, Inclulding my best Friend who has been through the process and knows what to watch out for, have contacted local support groups for advice and am going to contact R's consultant who has known him since December and thinks he's great to see if she will add in her support .

Worst case senario if they convice eveyone that R is just naughty we are packing our bags and moving out of this Local authority, My Friend has already spoken to her sons school and they are happy to have R there, NO WAY will I stand for him being treated like this,

I dont hit my kids, its vile and disgusting, the hell will anyone else get away with it, Theyt broke the law and I will stand up to them.

Rant over lol

more calls to make will keep you all updated

Mina2974

[mina2974]

can someone look at this and let me know if its ok please, have done a sperate one to complain that I dont think the restraint was lawful , Have to go through internal complaints so I can this escalated to the L.A

To whom it may concern,

After much consideration and research I have made the decision to escalate my complaint to the governors’ and Local Authority, I feel that a full investigation Is required into the Incident involving my son R on Thursday 6th November.

My complaint is in regards to the conduct of the

The details of my complaint of the school are as follows,

I had reported to the school the details of medical difficulties and also of mental health difficulties that my son R was having, as a responsible parent I arranged a meeting with the school Senco and gave full disclosure of all of my sons various mental health difficulties, The Senco showed concern and advised that the Caf process would be of great benefit to R, I immediately agreed to this.

My understanding of the SEN code of conduct is that once a special educational need is identified in a child it becomes the responsibility of the head of the school to ensure that all staff who would then deal with that child are fully informed of that child’s needs, The SEN code of conduct clearly outlines that mental health issues would be within the framework of special educational needs,

It is my belief that this was not done and I strongly feel that due to the very nature of teaching empathy would have been shown to my child and the situation that led to the physical restraint of my child would not have occurred had correct procedure been followed.

The second element of my compliant is about the actual procedures used when my child is restrained, I have read the government guidelines on physical restraint and also the guidelines that the local authority provides to schools.

I feel that these guide lines where not followed and that this created a situation where not only was my child put in potential danger but also the staff at the school and local authority are left in the vulnerable position of having to defend their actions.

The Local authority guidelines clearly state that the headmistress of the school had the responsibility of authorising staff to be able to physically restrain children, part of this responsibility was to ensure that the staff authorised had up to date and lawful training, without this the staff become vulnerable to legal action and the children at the school become vulnerable to restraint that is not carried out effectively, In the case of my son the police officer who saw me felt that the person who restrained my child had attempted a lawful restraint but felt that the restraint may not of been carried out correctly, My son was left with a sore back, neck, elbows and also a bruised wrist, I consulted a martial arts expert who advised me that in his opinion the force used was excessive.

The headmistress of the school did not even seem aware that she should of followed these procedures and I find this very disturbing, having read the government guideline for a teachers’ contract of employment I understand that it is the responsibility of each individual staff member to ensure personally that they working within the framework of the Local Authority where they work.

I still however feel that the overall responsibility does fall upon the headmistress of the school.

The second issue that I have is that the statement that was taken from my son was taken by the person who restrained him, this should of been done by a senior member of staff who was not involved in the incident , while my son has not yet had a diagnosis his psychologist has shown great concern for him and has referred him to the social development team and placed him on the emergency list, since this incident he has been put on the priority list due to the impact this whole situation has had on him.

As the headmistress did not follow the SEN guidelines and inform her staff of my sons difficulties, they would not of known that my son would of needed to be questioned in a specific manner so that he fully understood the questions that he was being asked, For example my son was asked “what he did” so he advised that “he stomped off” as he was not asked why he did not advise that “I stomped off to go and get a flapjack because she turned away and I thought she had finished with me”, This response clearly indicates that my son misread body language and was not being deliberately disobedient or rude.

On Friday 7th my husband phoned the school and requested the official incident report and also a copy of the authorised person list, I asked for a copy of the schools SEN policy and also the schools internal restraint policy.

The headmistress could not supply any of these documents, again this is unacceptable, as a parent I am entrusting my children into the care of this school, The school should of documented this incident on a official incident form, this form would of explained the reason why it was felt that restraint was required, it would of described the exact form of restraint used and also it would of shown if my son was checked for injury, all the headmistress was able to offer me was a statement written on A4 paper taken from a disturbed and scared child.

I am not happy that my son was physically restrained and feel that no empathy or consideration was given to his mental health, My son has been in mainstream education since he was three years old and in these eight years he has never been violent or had to be physically restrained, he is a troubled little boy who required empathy and understanding, his perception of the incident was to sit in his seat or obey the urge to run, he was trying to do the least destructive thing, He showed no intent to hurt himself or anyone else, the option was there to allow him to sit down until he was calm enough to leave the class room, physical restraint was clearly not justified.

I do feel that the Deputy acted with good intent however was uniformed and uneducated about how to deal with a child with social development issues; He did not fulfil his contractual duty to ensure he was working within Local Authority guidelines; however I feel he was working to the standard expected from him by his immediate superior.

The complaint is against the headmistress of Croft Junior, she had the ultimate responsibility to make sure that Local Authority guidelines were being followed, she also had the responsibility to make sure that the SEN code of conduct was adhered to and also to make sure her staff are properly trained, I feel that she has failed to understand her responsibilities , this was clearly indicated to me when she spoke to me on the day I returned my daughters to the school, she was very strong in making it clear that she trusted her deputy head, while I commend her for this, It is her that I have lost faith in not her staff, they have followed her leadership, My concerns towards the Deputy are that he may not of been qualified to physically restrain a child, this does need to be investigated and he should be disciplined if he is at fault in that respect, However I do feel some empathy for him and feel that it would be unjust to lay all fault at his feet. I intend to leave the investigation of the actual physical act of restraint in the hands of the Local Authority , the matter of the administration errors and failure to follow good practice is however of concern to all parents and potentially affects all children within the school, this is a very serious matter and needs to be resolved urgently.

To this end I would like to request that the Local authority and the school governors meet urgently with me and fully investigate my complaint

Kind Regards

Mrs angry mum

[mina2974]

Bookie your a star:D

 

I am rubbish at writing letters, far to emotional to get it right, I called the equality and human rights commision who have advised that even though R has no assesment I should proceed with complaint under the disability discrimination act(reasonable adjustment), they have given me a standard letter to use, Should I give this in at the same time, also I am not sure if I have to send it to the school or the L.A?

Thanks loads I really appreciate this help, I dont want to lose due to a bad letter or being over emotional

 

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Letters printed off and ready to go:), had to ask for homework in writing for R as my request for homework was ignored, funny how putting it down on paper changes everything, note sent in this morning and homework sent home tonight:rolleyes:

 

The senco spoke to the lady from parent partnership and gave a very different version of events, in this version the deputy did offer to let r sit down and even left the room to see if he would do it, showed her the statement that they gave me and pointed out that he wrote it so why was this not included. Lies to cover up mistakes!

 

R still does not want to go back to school, any school, he will talk about the possibilty but sticks to his guns about not going back, its hard to argue when you actualy think he's got a point, got a meeting with senco on Friday to talk about an action plan, am looking for someone to take with me so that they cant deny what they say afterwards.

Mina2974

[mina2974]

I have struggled with it hun,

the pro's are that he has the same enviroment and knows who to avoid, also with the amount of attention that will focus on them in the next few months they will behave and give him things like personal space, he is only at junior school for another 8 months so by the time the attention dies down it will time for him to leave the school.

 

Ideally I would move him, my fear is that as we have not lived here for long we dont really know enough to identify the good schools from the bad ones, sending him back is going to be difficult but I do honestly think it will be easier for him then another change,

 

The deal I have made with him is that if within a week he still hates it then he can go and finish junior while staying with my best friend who's son has asperger and is in a decent school and come home at the weekend, it would kill me not having him with me but at least I could be 100% confident that the change would work.

 

please trust that I would never of considered sending him back if i had any way of being certain that the change would not make him worse, at the moment he is happy and he is trying to stop the good r V bad r fight and he he has not hurt himself for 4 days,

 

He will be taking a mobile to school and if he wants me to come and get him he will be able to call me instantly.

 

Trust me one wrong move and he will be out of there so fast their heads will spin

 

Mina2974

[mina2974]

Its a small victory I know but the meeting with the SenCo went a lot better than expected,

They agreed that R should not be made to socialize if he does not want to, can have a desk to himself, have a safe place to go to and can have a card to show staff when he is upset, He will have a Lsa assigned to look after him in the playground (she is his safe person)

They still dont get that R cant tell what will make him angry or control how fast he will get angry but there has been a total change in attitude, from he is naughty to OK there could be a problem here,

I used the example of when R did not tell me his bits were swollen to the size of an orange (you dont talk about your bits!) until his sister walked into the bathroom and made him tell us, told them how serious the situation(his kidneys leaking) was when he got to hospital and what could of happened if he stayed quiet,

It seemed to shock them a little to have such a strong example of how his lack of understanding can endanger him,

They are going to refer him to an occupational therapist to help with writing and fear of failure

They do need to put something in place for when he is the class but am hoping they will do more after the Caf meeting, R is now happy to go back and I am still proceeding with the complaint against school , having read other posts and experiences I am not going to hold my breath and still feel strongly that they need to be investigated

 

I cant stress how much the advice on here has made a difference, I don't ask for help now I demand it!

 

Mina2974

Edited November 14, 2008 by mina2974
cant spell