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Hi I went to my gp and asked for my son to be referred due to some behavioural problems that i am having with him. We have door and window alarms to stop him wandering off, locks on cupboards to stop him eating til he vomits and he is obsessive.

The chams team will not give him an appointment and have advised me today they have on their notes that they spoke to me and discussed the fact that my son does not need to be seen. Every time i tried to call them they promised to call me back and never once did! I am desperate for some help for my son, at 11 years old he has no friends and says the other kids at school think he is weird, he has only ever managed to make one good friend and that is with a child who has asperger himself. My son has escape routes planned and talks about killing himself! how can they say there is nothing wrong with him without ever meeting him?

 

If anyone knows if there is anyway i can fight this i would really appreciate it as he is getting more and more depressed

 

Sam

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Ok, has your GP actually referred your son to CAMHS yet?

 

If he has, and they refuse to see him, then the best bet is to either get your GP to intervene or refer your some to a paediatrician, who will either see him personally or refer to CAMHS that way.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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It could simply be a mix up with his notes and someone else - I'm sure your GP will help - he made the referral, after all.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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Decided to give it one more go and got thru to the head of the dept, she has given my son an appointment for the 23rd of October!

 

Has anyone been thru this process, am not really sure what they can do to help or what it is that they do during the assesment.

 

Im very worried about the whole thing as I dont have a clue why my son is the way he is, but at the moment he is so depressed that he is talking about killing himself, he needs some help but I dont know what to do for him, his 4 sisters all seem fine and are happy at school and have loads of friend, he tells me that he sits on a bench on his own every day because all the other kids think that he is wierd

 

Sam

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I would also speak with the special needs teacher at school and ask her if school has any concerns. You have the right to request an assessment for a statement of special educational needs. I wasn't until I did this that my son's behaviours and emotional state were investigated thoroughly and he got the help he needed - he is now a completely different child.

Poppynurse :)

 

If my comments have been helpful please click my scales!!!!

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Mina I am nearing the end of going through the CAMHS assessment process. Please try not to worry - your son is obviously very unhappy and they will help him.

 

The best thing to do is not to put too much pressure on him or yourself. Let us know how you get on.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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The best thing to do is not to put too much pressure on him or yourself. Let us know how you get on.
I'm sorry if this comes out really cynical, but actually, I disagree with this sentence... Whilst we all do what we can to reduce their stress levels on a day-to-day basis, and whilst I would never condone nor advise to "crank 'em up" on purpose (that would just be evil and abusive), the fact remains that if you take a child on best behaviour and totally placated to the specialist, that's what they'll assume is the norm and do little to help. :-(

 

When the specialist paediatrician saw T. during Stat Ass, he went into major meltdown right in her office, screaming at the top of his lungs and pitch for the whole time we were in that little room. She had previously written a report which seemed blissfully unaware of his difficulties. That time, she didn't take long to put on record that she agreed a specialist placement for him was best and that he couldn't possibly cope in mainstream. It took her to see him in action so to speak to get a glimpse of what things were really like.

 

I know it sounds awful, but that is the stark reality we face every day. :-(

 

Mina, good luck and do let us know what happens. If things are that bad, I'm sure CAHMS will step up to the job. :-)

Edited by Bookworm
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Thanks for all of your support, it's taken me a long time to admit that my child is "different",

I have blamed myself, tried to be stricter or more loving but nothing has helped,

my child does not have serious violent outbursts very often as its not his way.

 

last year my dad told him he could catch a bus to see him on his own, when i told him he couldnt do this as he was only 8 he would not belive me as a trusted person told him he could,

he was brought home by the police 3 times in the middle of the night where he had snuck out to catch a bus, he even went into a total strangers house,

to this day we have to have door and window alarms, fortunatly he has only managed to get out once since then.

He will steal food, even eating raw meat and eat until he vomits and refuses to sleep,

he cant understand why he has no friends and why the other kids think he is strange, I can see why they do, he is obsessed with one toy and its all he will play or talk about, he even has a shrine to pokemon in his bedroom. He does not get their jokes or when his actions are inapropriate, He will happily tell anyone all our family business or make comments about them that come across as really rude.

When he is in a good behaviour cycle he is the best most loving child ever but when he is in a bad behaviour cycle he could do anything, last week we sent him out front to call his sister in and in that two mins he threw a stone at a moving car and smashed in their windscreen, he had no reason for doing it.

the school special needs officer is worse then usless, when i inquired if my daughter could be tested for dyslexia, she said she couldnt possibly have it as she was not spectacular in another area such as math!

I hope they take this seriously as like I said he is already saying things like the world would be better without him and about taking lots of tablets to kill himself,

just to add to all of this he is going blind in one eye and has a kidney condition called nephrotic syndrome as well as severe flat feet. Really has been hit with the unlucky stick:(

 

I dont know if he has an illness or if its depression and feel like I have failed him because i dont know how to help him.

 

Sorry I needed to offload this , never thought I would be locking away the painkillers in case my child tried to do something :confused:

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To be honest, sounds to me like some form of undiagnosed ASD, but I am not expert, just a Mum!

 

I can fully sympathise with the Pokemon obsession - my son will stand and talk to me for hours on end if I let him, reciting every single Pokemon fact.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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If you don't mind a back-of-envelope diagnosis, I'd say: ADHD + Asperger's + possible OCD (because of the compulsive eating aspect, although that could be down to depression).

 

Why don't you google those terms and follow links and see if that rings any bells? If you can get a grip on what you think is your child's issues, then it will be that much easier to get CAHMS in the right direction.

 

I remember the look of relief on the CAHMS psychologist when after evaluating T, she said: "Do you have any ideas?" and I said that my research made me believe that he was Asperger's... It was like: "oh thank god, I'm not going to have to drop this like a ton of bricks on this woman's head"...

 

The other advantage if you research this is that when you work out for yourself what it is with your child, you'll be better equipped to start looking for the best way to help him. It feels good to be empowered, knowing what direction to take. :-)

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If you don't mind a back-of-envelope diagnosis, I'd say: ADHD + Asperger's + possible OCD (because of the compulsive eating aspect, although that could be down to depression).

 

Why don't you google those terms and follow links and see if that rings any bells? If you can get a grip on what you think is your child's issues, then it will be that much easier to get CAHMS in the right direction.

 

Very good advice here, as always, from Bookie.

 

For my own 2p I should add that I personally doubt your kid has OCD, frankly he is too young to support that diagnosis (mainly because a diagnosis requires the subject to be able to identify his/her obsessions as inherently internal; a child as young as 11 probably can't perceive why he feels the way he does at all). I would say that he more likely has a mood disorder, possibly with psychotic symptoms.

 

I would definitely state though, any person (especially a child) with clear suicidal ideation needs prompt psychiatric assessment from specialists.

 

SV

If I've been helpful, please add to my rep. :)

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A tip - make sure you mention his low self-esteem and ask them to assess him for this - they won't if you don't ask.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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I did a lot of reading when i first started to explore the possiblity that there is something wrong with him above and beyond just bad behaviour, His best/only friend has asperger so i know a bit about it but he lives over 200miles away, my problem is that r does not fit into either asd or aspergers though he has elemements of both

 

Tiglet if your son ever wants a pokemon enthusiast to talk to I will happily put him in touch with my son! anything to save me from yet another discussion lol

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Hi

 

Has a call from cahms today asking if we could bring r in a week early for an initial assesment due to a mistake in appointments times,

 

R was on his best behaviour but did burst into tears at one point, when left in the waiting room while we talked to them he re-organised all the books in adults and childrens and then coulor coded the toys lol

 

I asked if she felt there was a mental health issue, she said that she felt that r definatly required a refferal to the social development unit.

I am not sure how long this will take but am hoping that it wont be long

 

mina2974

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When I read this thread I felt like I had wrote it myself, why does it take so long to get help. I am also fighting camhs for assistance and help for my little boy who also feels like killing him self, he can not go out by him self does not like change and has a real low self esteem backed up by learning difficulties, i have been trying since october last year for support for my son who as now started secondary school with no support in place I am at my wits end my son also as no friends except my friends child who also has issues but they live in wales us in london. Most children pick and tease my child which is so hurtful to him and us his family the school must think I am a pain in the behind because i am always going to see them concerning this. sorry for off loading I was browsing and was surprised to read your post what a wonderful site to deals with all these issues.

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Hi Lube lue and welcome to the forum.

 

Why don't you start your own thread and see if we can give you some help/advice or give you a place to off-load, if nothing else?

 

Here's how if you're not sure: http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/welcome-consumer-forums/107001-how-do-i-dummies.html

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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HI lube lue

 

I know exactly how you feel, I go from thinking its something I have done wrong to believing i should trust my gut instant that there is something different with r, because he does not melt down at school and is quiet he does not get noticed but is getting kicked, punched and spat on by other kids, as he's getting older he is getting worse and hides away in his own little world, the stress of trying to be normal is making him want to kill himself.

After a lot of shouting i now have got the school to agree to start the caf process and cahms involved, its so sad that he had to get suicidal to get them to see how bad things are for him

hope things improve for you

all the best

mina2974

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi all,

 

has anyone here had their child physically restrained by the school?

R went into full melt down for the first time at school, situation started off with him swearing at a boy who has been bullying him for months, R was shouted at by 2 dinner ladies got scared and did his usual bolt, he came back when the bell went and went into his class, His teacher tried to question him but he panicked and started to cry(panick attack), the deputy head then came into class and grabbed his arm, this sent R over the edge and he tried to grab desks and chairs, The deputy then twisted R's arms behind his back and forced him out of the class room, R has been awake most of the night with nightmares and his arm is bruised, the school know he hates being touched, shouting terrifies him and that he hates being stared at, R has never had to be restrained before and is not violent to others, he was upset and crying not trying to run or hurt himself or anyone else, are they allowed to do this to him, also they never told me about this I only found out when he got home and told me, I am really angry, they know how fragile he is and how desperatly he wants to end it all, they have done nothing to help him and the first time he allows himself to show emotion they end up hurting him:mad:

I know he did the wrong thing but he only repeated what other kids have been calling him for months and never got into trouble for, he thought he was defending himself and became scared and confused when all the shouting and staring started.

The whole situation was crazy at one point the poor child had six adults chasing him around the school

Is this how schools treat troubled kids and is there anything I can do to stop it happening again?

Mina2974

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I would:

a) Reporting incident to the police. It is assault, pure and simple. :mad:

b) Make formal complaint to head, advising him/her that you have reported the assault to the police and demanding that this be investigated thoroughly.

 

You also need to make the head aware that the situation arose because:

- the dinnerladies behaved in a manner which was inappropriate. Even if your child had no special needs, it is unacceptable for them to be shouting at children.

- A child can be restrained if a danger to himself or others, BUT it has to be done in a very specific manner and only by someone who has had training in how to restrain a child without hurting him.

 

My blood is boiling reading your post, personally, I wouldn't stop until this thug has been suspended and not allowed to come near children least of all SN ones. :mad:

 

Oh yes, take pictures of the bruising before it fades and keep those pictures safe, in case the teacher and deputy collude to say the incident hasn't happened.

 

You also need to find out what the school's anti-bullying policy is and ask the head why it is not being implemented allowing your child to be bullied and teased for months without doing anything about it. You also need to demand that measures be put in place that when something like this happens, you get told IMMEDIATELY.

 

Is this how schools treat troubled kids? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Often through ignorance, it has to be said, but it doesn't excuse violence.

 

Read here:

Making a complaint to your child's school : Directgov - Parents

 

You can find out what the specific complain procedure is for your LA should the response from the school not be satisfactory.

 

:mad:

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This is absolutely appalling - you and your son must both be tremendously upset.

 

I can't add anything to what Bookie has said, other than to offer my support and best wishes.

All help is merely my opinion only - please seek legal advice if you need to as I am only qualified in SEN law.

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Oh, and I suggest you print this:

 

http://www.education.strath.ac.uk/sircc/publications/Holding_Safely/005Holding_safely_five.pdf

 

and take a copy with you to give to the head. point out in particular #5f3 "Restraining a child who has a disability, learning diffi culties

or other similar needs", looks like they could do with having it spelt out to them. :mad:

 

Oh, and incidentally, I vaguely recall that they are not supposed to attempt restraining the child unless they have sought and obtained your permission, but I can't find authority on this right now. I know that when my son was in mainstream, they did ask me first, and then it was only people who knew how to do it properly anyway.

 

Read this too:

 

The National Autistic Society - Use of force to control or restrain pupils

 

to help you.

 

It is possible that the school will try to use the revised guidance of the Education Act, which says:

Section 93 of the Education and Inspections Act 2006 enables school staff to use such force as is reasonable in the circumstances to prevent a pupil from doing, or continuing to do, any of the following:

a) committing an offence

b) causing personal injury or damage to the property of any person (including the pupil himself); or

c) prejudicing the maintenance of good order and discipline at the school or among any pupils receiving education at the school, whether during a teaching session or otherwise.

which is a bit a get-out clause for schools... You need to stress out that further down (13), it also says:

"The degree of force should be the minimum needed to achieve the desired result".

The whole guidance is there:

http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/12187/ACFD89B.pdf

 

Sorry if my posts are disjointed, I'm so angry right now I can't think straight and just typing things as they come to me. :mad:

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