Cheekiness towards a DCA

[WCR4-6]

many many years ago - when I had a loan out with Lloyds TSB (who used to be a decent bank before TSB came on board) - I was off sick from work one day - so was lounging around the house in a dressing gown and slippers.

 

There's a knock at the door - I answer it - to find a "bloke" - fresh out of University - hope in his eyes of making a difference in his chosen career, a nice new iron pressed white shirt and a suit which looked like it had just come off the peg in a fine Saville Row establishment - and in his hand was one of those big leather folder things with the zip on it.

 

I had a pretty good idea who we was working for...

 

Conversation went something like this:

 

 

Kid: (Enthusiastically) Is Mr X there?

 

Me: (Being civil - and feigning ignorance of the fact University Kid's actually speaking to Mr X) I'm afraid he's not here at the moment. Can I help?

 

Kid: Not really - I'm here from Pound of Flesh Ltd (can't remember the actual name of them - could have been someone like Moorcroft or something) - we just need to speak to him about this loan that's outstanding. When would he be back?

 

Me: I'm not too sure to be honest. I think he's abroad with work at the moment up in the Baltic. I think he said he'll be back in a few days.

 

Kid: OK - thanks for your help. Can you make sure he gets this when he gets back and gives us a call please.

 

(With that - hands me a card with my name on it and a request to ring them to be intimidated)

 

Me: No problem bud - I'll make sure he gets it.

 

Kid: Thanks - and have a good day Sir.

 

 

Kid walks off, I shut the front door, card goes in the shredder

[WCR4-6]

LOL glad you brought the shreadder now.

 

Do you often work in the baltic if so could you tell me if it is a good holiday location for a potential lottery winner?

 

Well the grilled Unicorn on the gold platter at the Seaview Restaurant in Riga is to die for.

 

Lord Lucan runs it - and is a good friend of mine

 

Been to Estonia once in 2003 for 4 days - nice little place

[WCR4-6]

He'll give you all a lift on the back of Shergar

 

It's all in the price - fun for all the family

[WCR4-6]

Had a cracking one today - one of the better ones:

 

At work - and we're discussing the movie "The Exorcist" - when the mobile rings.

 

One of the crafty barstewards has managed to get round my blocking software and has caught me unawares...

 

Me: Hello?

Mercer Monkey: Is that Mr WCR?

Me: Yes. Who may I ask is calling?

Mercer Monkey: It's Linda (nice co-incidence there - which I will explain in a second) from Mercers - can I ask you a few security questions.

 

Now - quick as a flash - I see an avenue for **** taking open up like a shining path of goodness - I wouldn't have carried on this if the berk on the other end of the phone wasn't called Linda (as in Linda Blair - who was the little girl in "The Exorcist" - the film we were discussing not 30 seconds earlier)

 

So I move the phone away from me just a bit - so the bint on the other end can hear:

 

Me: Dave, quick, I need an old priest, and a young priest.

 

I can now hear the person on the other end of the phone going "what the hell?"

 

(Phone back to my ear)

 

Me: Sorry about that - just needed that sorted - of course I'll be happy to answer your questions.

 

And just before she can start reading her stupid questions off the screen I give her a nice full blast of:

 

Me: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

 

 

Then I hang up and laugh heartily