Atos hearing please help

[nail picker]

Someone out there please help me... My darling son lost his life in 2011, since then i've not coped, i've turned to drink, anti depressants and sleeping tablets.. pushed my family and friends out of my life only because i don't have anything to say or hate them seeing me upset.. I've tried counselling, it made me worse! couldn't wait to get home and hit the bottle.. I've isolated myself and to be honest don't even know who i am anymore!.. been told i have to downsize because of this bedroom tax, plus got a tribunal next week regarding ESA.. my head is mashed.. feel like i shouldn't be here anymore!!

[babia]

Hey welcome to CAG stick around someone will be over soon

To Help

[BRIGADIER2JCS]

Hi Welcome to CAG,

Is there now no one close to you can talk to, perhaps now is the time to talk to an organisation like Samaritans the are totally non judgemental and will listen carefully to your problems

 

Of course you should be here life is to valuable even afetr a tragic loss like yours to even think pf throwing it away!!

 

Have you talked to your GP about this in detail?

 

Could you bring yourself to approaching friends and family I'm sure you will be surprised how loving and helpful they will be when you explain how you feel.

 

The most imporant thing for you to do is start to think about restarting YOUR life in memory of your son!!

 

Please do not hesitate to post more here at any time.

 

Brig.

[seanamarts]

I cannot imagine what you have gone through, it sounds like you have had an awful time of it.

 

You have made a good start by asking for help in here, but what you really must do it get help with regards to your state of mind also.

 

If you have any questions with regards to your tribunal and housing issues please ask, we have many many good people on CAG who can suggest some good solutions for you.

[nail picker]

I think that's where i have gone wrong, speaking to friends and family! i've worried them on many occasions and don't want to put them through it again.. can i be right in saying i feel so alone and don't want to share my feeling with the ones i love the most? Spoke with my GP about my deep thoughts! even thought of taking my dog and my only remaining child out of this suicidal deep depression!! how mad is that? yet i come across to friends/family and the members of public that sometimes i'm fine.. Really i just want to be with my boy then i feel bad about leaving my daughter and dog behind! what the hell is up with my head?

[time4change2]

first of all i want to say im so sorry to hear what you have been though and i cant imagine the pain and suffering you have to deal with every day i know it can be hard for you and i can understand that you just want to be alone and shut everyone away but sometimes it helps to talk to people even if there strangers just coming onto this site and sharing this with us says to me you have strength and that your a strong person ai asking for help as its not always easy to do.

 

i have pasted a link to a website you might want to have a look at i can understand you might not be ready now but maybe in the future its just a thought i hope you dont mind me mentioning the website as its always good to talk

 

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/bereavement.html

 

there is also a lot of people on here who know the benefits system and how it works we are all here to help and support you when ever you need it or even if its just to talk we are here and i know everyone will agree with me that.

 

you dont have to go though this alone we are all here to help and support you

 

all my best

 

nitelite xxx

[nail picker]

thank you nitelite.. i'll take a look at the link u've sent me, feel drained tonight so will check it out tomorrow.. need to move forward just got so much dragging me under.. thanks again.. night hun xxx

[time4change2]

i know its hard but your a strong person always remember that xxx and help is only a click away

[BRIGADIER2JCS]

Maybe talking to a totally independant organisation like Samaritans will be of more value than a councelling ''meeting'' no time limits or appointments talk in your own time with no restraints.

[Guest]

I suffer with bipolar disorder (among other things) and due to this illness and life problems, I have felt as you do now, on many occasions I have thought as you are now, sometimes talking to family can feel just how you describe it, I felt the same, I did speak to the Samaritans, as Brigadier has suggested, they were good as could just let me get it all out, and I did get help via GP, for counselling.

 

I have not been through what you are going through so I will not insult you by saying I know how you feel, but I do know how "it feels" to not want to be here anymore, and trapped by love for your family. The only reason I didn't end my life was that I knew how much it would hurt my grown up kids, and likely damage them forever, so I suffered until I got help. I still have bad days, and I have whats almost a mantra "I wont feel this bad tomorrow, no mood lasts very long" as there are days when I don't want to face the world, but having rested from it, the next day I can feel relieved I didn't do anything bout it.

 

As for hearings, they are to listen not judge you personally, they are there to see how your condition/illness whatever, affects your daily life and ability to work. If there is anyone you can take with you, then please do this, for support, it helps ( I have been there too) and if you can show the tribunal how you are feeling, as you have done us, then it can only help your case.

 

I am no expert, just been through the mill at various times in my life. I wish I could be of more help. Please be strong and get through this the best way you can, be kind to yourself, after all how you are feeling is natural giving what you have gone through.

 

Good Luck.......(big hug)

[seanamarts]

nailpicker, I know many have been in similar circumstances as you have, You will always miss the ones that have passed and there is no time limit to grief. However once you start getting your life back in order it does get easier to cope with.

 

You cannot do this on your own, even the strongest of people need a little help. Once you have started to accept this then you can start to move on.

 

As I said, asking for help in here is a good start. Im sure when I say this that there are many here that will help you get onto the right path, but it is up to you to whether you take heed, no one can do that for you.

 

CAG has many areas for all kinds of help needed. When you have the time have a look about the forums, you will see that we are a friendly bunch.

[nail picker]

Thank you Ruby... gosh every day is different!

Think i need to be a little easier on myself, just find this really hard to do.. my son had a asthma attack in my car, he lost conciousness, i had to give him CPR at the road side, bystanders watched me as i lost control and started screaming.. no one took over, it was the worst day of my life, i can't get that scream out of my head..

My boy was nearing his 10th birthday and that day was the last time i ever heard him speak.. help eventually arrived, my boy was without oxygen for 10 mins therefore he suffered major brain damage, from playing football, to going a mainstream school, arguing with his sister and telling me he loved me.. this was cruely taken away from him..

 

The last 6 years i was my boys main carer.. until he decided enough was enough, my boy was such a fighter right untill the end.. the hardest thing was when he looked me in the eyes, he couldn't speak but the look said it all..( please mum just let me go) this was about the 4th time he had suffered with pnuemonia and his body had had enough.. coming off the life support he still continued to breath for 2 days, he fell asleep in my arms.. feel like i lost my beautiful, funny whitty and so loving son twice..

 

It's coming upto nearly 2 years and i feel like it's hitting me now worse than ever!..

 

Thanks for listening guys x x

[Guest]

Grief is a strange thing, it can creep up and bite you anytime. Guilt when for one moment you "forget". I don't know what your beliefs are, but I have to believe our loved ones are in peace when they pass, and out pain and any anguish they had in this life. I cant recall who this quote is from but its...."there is no death, only a change in worlds"....I believe our loved ones aren't that far away, and our love for them links us.

 

I lost the love of my life in 2002, he went to work one morning and never returned, he was killed on the way home. Instead of serving his dinner I was identifying his body, after 3 hours of unanswered phone calls I knew that ring on the door bell wasn't good. I felt similar after 2 yrs, so strange you say that, its now of course 11 yrs ago, it took me about 4 to get to where I could talk and laugh about the funny times etc...and now he is still in my heart but the agony doesn't dominate my days/nights. To lose a child is unthinkable, and I hope I never suffer that, I admire you for your strength, and yes be kind to yourself...your doing great, just breath and look after yourself and your body, as your still here and that wonderful young man would want you to carry on and have a quality of life, as he loved you too.

 

Hugs x

[nail picker]

Thanks Ruby... I've just sent a reply back to you or so i thought!!

Sent then realised my internet had gone off.. give me strengh, not getting stressed tho (she says)..

 

For those who understand

no explanation is needed

for those who do not understand

no explanation is possble..

 

Hugs to u 2 x

[Guest]

Am here a lot .... in and out most days/evenings, not always commenting, sometimes just lurking and reading. Let us know how you get on, and pop in for a natter...

[BRIGADIER2JCS]

Try the CAG BearGarden open discussion on all subjecte, start a thread now.