Bullied - what to do next?

[ScarletPimpernel]

From your username I wonder if you are in the NHS, an organisation who are usually spectacularly bad at dealing with bullies.

 

It strikes me that this is a way for the employer to fail to deal effectively with bullying whilst giving the impression of taking action.

 

If you don't like the idea (and I wouldn't), ask if either the manager or HR person is a qualified mediator; if not, then suggest that you would be willing to attend a mediation meeting facilitated by someone both independent and suitably qualified.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I share your colleague's view.

 

Unfortunately, in many cases like this the employer is more concerned with how things appear (in case of tribunal etc.), than with actually managing the problem. On paper, the victim has been given an opportunity to resolve any issues with the alleged bully, supported by a manager and with an independent witness present.

 

Bullies are usually extremely adept at manipulating situations like this. One of the reasons that they are bullies is to hide their inadequacies, so they are used to appearing to be pleasant and efficient, especially to those above them. Maintaining the appearance of being reasonable and conciliatory at a meeting like this will be childsplay. I can imagine the process:

 

Bully is told by manager that an accusation has been made; the bully will act surprised, and then suggest that the victim is perhaps under stress, or that he/she (the bully) had noticed a recent drop in performance, implying that the victim is trying to cover something up. At the meeting, the bully is gushing to the others who are present, appears immensely concerned about the victims welfare, is desperately sorry that efficient management has been perceived as bullying, and is keen (in the most patronising way) to do anything necessary to help the poor victim who is obviously suffering from stress. If these tactics don't seem to be working, the tears and 'all my years of helping people' ploys will be rolled out. Knowing glances will be directed at the others, in a 'we're all managers, so we understand these things' way. The aim is to make the victim appear unreasonable, and reinforce their victim status. The 'mediators' leave the meeting feeling that they've done their bit, and glad it's over, because they probably know that the bully is a bully.

 

It's worth remembering, because you'll probably have to remind HR, that what constitutes bullying is the way in which the bully's activity is perceived by their target. What to some might seem like a random collection of minor annoyances may in fact represent a sustained campaign of bullying that has a far-reaching effect on the target. Similarly, what bullies and senior managers often describe as 'a robust management style' can make people's lives miserable.

 

What meetings like this do not achieve is any sort of investigation into bullying behaviour, or any subsequent disciplinary action. The NHS tends to follow the path of least resistance, often moving the victim rather than dealing with the bully; when the number of complaints about a bully can no longer be ignored, the bully is promoted, and the whole cycle begins again - because bullies always need a target. It has been suggested that in UK bullying is most prevalent in teaching and nursing.

 

Being a bullies target is wretched, and it can be difficult not to doubt your own feelings and ability to deal with things. Rejecting this proposed 'mediation' is your right, just as it is your right not to be bullied, either by an individual or by proxy.

 

The Trust's disciplinary and grievance policies should lay down clear procedures. Additionally, they should have some sort of policy on workplace bullying.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Been told I HAVE to have this meeting

 

No surprise, really - management would much rather whitewash the situation rather than actually confront bullying, so they'll bully you themselves.

 

Have you been in touch with ACAS?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Poppynurse, did you make the allegation of bullying under the Trust's grievance procedure? If so, has there been any sort of investigatory meeting?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I think it may be worth asking the manager to confirm in writing that this meeting forms part of the grievance procedure, because it sounds to me as if they are trying to bypass it. On paper it will look as if you agreed to some sort of 'informal resolution meeting', neatly avoiding (for them) the need to actually investigate (or confirm what they already know about the bully).

 

Grievance policies are supposed to have strict timelines and procedures.

 

If you end up having to go to the meeting, here are some tips - with apologies in advance if I'm teaching you to suck eggs:

 

- get a copy of the grievance procedure and highlight anything relevant, such as the time within which management should acknowledge a grievance, and the bullying policy. It may be useful to refer to. It may also be useful to ask the manager, at the beginning, to 'just go over the Trust bullying policy', so there can be no doubt.

 

- take a voice recorder; no-one minds being recorded if they've nothing to hide. If the manager objects, say you'll make a copy available to them afterwards. If they forbid it, insist that the fact is minuted.

 

- get your accompanying colleague to take notes; don't rely on the employer's version afterwards.

 

- rearrange the seating if you feel intimidated; chairs are often set up so that one person is disadvantaged. Changing the position of your chair can help you to take control of the meeting.

 

- make sure you emphasise that the other person's behaviour made you feel that you were being bullied - there's no definition of bullying, it is the victim's perception that matters, nothing else.

 

- if the bully turns on the tears, or talks about their own problems, don't be tempted to sympathise - she should have use the Trust support structure or otherwise dealt with her issues - there's no excuse for bullying.

 

- be clear about what you want the outcome to be. If the conclusion isn't what you wanted, don't be afraid to say so.

[ScarletPimpernel]

A meeting to determine whether an investigation is necessary? Surely an allegation of bullying should be sufficient to start an investigation - I cannot see why it should be necessary for the victim to have to confront the alleged bully first.

 

I suspect that this is a method used by the Trust to try to avoid the grievance/discip procedures - they hold a meeting, the bully pretends to be shocked and surprised that anyone should perceive his/her 'robust but effective management', the victim is made to feel that they are making a mountain out of a molehill, and HR can wrap it all up by suggesting that the victim moves job, or undergoes assertiveness training or somesuch.

 

Quite apart from some union reps finding impartiality difficult, I suspect that many nions shy away from actively supporting members in these cases (especially if the bully is also a member), simply because of cost, where the potential outcome is uncertain.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Fairly predictable, then. I think there's no doubt that she now knows that you know she's a bully, not least because she went through a range of bully defence tactics - I didn't do it, I'm not talking about it, crying to get sympathy, accusing you of wrongdoing, then apologising (she won't have meant it), and then the overreaction suggestion. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she now goes sick with 'stress', just to show what a sensitive soul she is.

 

Standby for HR claiming that it's six of one and half a dozen of the other/personality clash, so no need to go any further...