[Van, I have not posted elsewhere just yet (as a relative newbee, still navigating the site] You and me too, pulu, if this comes out as it should I've now learned how to quote!!!! Thanks to pinkdutchess, natch. Good luck - we need each other! Van

And all this before the Springboks have even got into first gear? Jislaik man. Van

Hi deedee. Thanks for your post - you've made up for a real bummer of a weekend! Didn't take the printer back (it was only £39) as I had denuded it of its protection and was studying how to connect it when the old thingy suddenly started working again. Given its age it'll surely pack up again at a crucial moment, so I've got a standby. I just wish what I had called it on message #67 to cause spiceskull to tut-tut my my language as I'm not usually given to using the vulgar tongue but then maybe I had been watching "Eastenders" with Mrs. Van! You're definitely a classics scholar, up alongside with Pete and his studies ol Lloyd, NatWest, Nietzche, Barclay et al and your interpretation is spot on (James Dupont, 17th century I think) but I've been feeling a bit more earthy and Learish recently with "as flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport" running through my mind. We've accepted an offer on our 'umble abode and the blighters want to complete by the end of the month. Spent yesterday looking around at what we might afford, hence the depression. And that's before I've tried to get a mortgage with my credit rating! Have had Winston Churchill's Black Dog (and I am not referring to senior dachshund) hanging over me for a week now, but after your message it'll be up and at it first thing tomorrow. Wish I could burn the midnight oil like vestal virgin PD! Are you moving away from Brixton? Recuerdo tus palabras dulces y el sabor de tus besitos. Carinos (sorry I can't do accents!) Van

Hi Pulu I've been a bit inactive on the site for a few days. In the matter of debt purchases (to use the legal patois) surely legal obligations transfer to the buyer? To my mind TC are contradicting themselves. If they are merely acting as a debt collector then I suppose they are entitled to continue with their dubious debt collecting techniques which means you follow site options as well publicised. If they have, in fact, purchased the debt they have then acquired obligations. My suggestion is to respond to their letter, (not to P.O. Box) obviously denying any obligation to them, asking for your £1.00, plus cost of postal order, plus postage etc. to be returned. Recorded delivery, receipt retained etc.) It could be the beggars get the message, but I don't think the fat lady has sung yet!. Where's your post now? Regards. Van

Van's a prat. Didn't you know? Mrs. Vandermerwe

OK, Ok. Freaky Leaky. Will do as requested, but not with Becky's Champagne. Hinting to OH she might go and get a bottle of Scotch from the Co-op to do so 'cos it's on special this week. We have been talking about a Jewish Princess, none other than Rachel Rebecca Cohen, daughter of Howard Lewis Cohen and Mrs. Cohen of Cleckheaton. Van

Oh dear, red faces all round! Where I used to live, and where some of my best friends were Jewish, the diminutive form of Abraham was Abe and the diminutive of Rebecca (not Rachel) was...er...Becky. Now you know why I can't do this blasted spread sheets! Just in case you think I am anti-semitic (which I am most decidedly not as the joke was told to me by my Jewish dentists while he was drilling away) Mind you I could have easily become so after laughing with that rotating tool in my mouth!) Then a priest told me about two girls in Dublin who opened a massage parlour in a quiet street where two elderly spinsters sat opposite peeping through their curtains, watching, timing and, of course commenting and tut-tutting. One day a Minister of the Church of Ireland appeared in the street, rang the girls' door bell and was quickly let inside only to emerge an hour later looking rather pleased with himself. "Did you see that sister Mary" snorted one old lady watcher to the other "that Protestant hypocrite has been sporting himself with them girls - thank God I'm a Catholic". Next day who should appear but Fr. Murphy himself who also disappeared inside the girls' dwelling. The two old ladies looked at each other for a moment before Mary spoke "sister Martha, 'tis ashamed of myself that I'm thinking, one of those poor girls over the road must be dying." Van

Well, at least I managed the quoting bit at last! Can't let PD have all the best ones so I want to tell you all about the day Abraham and Rachel got married. The families were happy as Becky had married a nice professional boy, but he was a little, shall we say, careful about money and so was naturally perturbed when Becky said she wanted to bathe in Champagne before her wedding. Abe had already stashed a couple of dozen cases (bought wholesale) for the reception and so carefully removed all the foil wrapping, wire retainers and corks from each bottle, poured the Champagne into the bath and called out to his beloved "Becky, your bath is ready." Going into the bathroom Becky saw the inviting bubbles and jumped in to luxuriate beneath them. After her bath, Abe carefully refilled each bottle, managed to get the corks back in, rewired the retainers and even got the foil back on the bottles and into the case when he suddenly realised he was one bottle short. "BECKY" he screamed in panic "YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU? Pip-Pip Van

I said we had classical scholars among us! Van

Oh no, not the tech support odyssey!!! I'd rather have the comfy chair. Van!

It didn't. Van

[Hiya Van,libraries are good places and free (they may charge for printing but not much) and you can chat up the librarians while your there] Did that work Pete? Two things: trying to post a quote without being dumped on by pd again. and saying thanks for suggestion. No parking within a mile of local library and you ain't seen the librarians in this neck of the woods! Bought another printer, then the old one began working. Sod it. Van

Thanks all kind folk out there. Am mightily impressed with the sped of your responses. Have proved Sod rules the universe, since I rushed out to by a new printer only to find the old printer began working again as I tried to disconnect it. For you classic scholars out there (of which there are many) Quem Jupiter vult pedere dementat prius. Thanks again. Van

Hi PD Did you hear the one about the chap last Friday who was about to write to his bank and tell them to take their grubby mawlers away from his weekly stipend of Gordon's benefits? He thought, for this important missive he'd give the old HP a cartridge clean etc., and began to print his missive. Lots of lovely blank or barely visible paper came churning out. Test pages, fairly good on colour but zilch in black. Smacked HP hard. Called it rude names (not repeatable on a site like this), had Jewish nervous breakdown (that's when it happens on the spot) and plutzed all night (and all weekend). Couldn't even get through the Sunday papers. Mrs. Van testy. Bottle of wine helped but made Mrs. Van more testy. Monday morning down to local computer - er specialist. Wait until he arrives at 10.00 a.m. He has put on a clean tee shirt for the week! "Nah. can't do nuffink wiv that can we. But you can have this for 39 sovs". Says Van " but could what, I believe in your trade is known as a tosser, install it? "Why not replies the expert" as I note he has a bit of breakfast egg on his previously clean weekly tee shirt" here's the instruction manual (in twenty different languages) and I'll chuck in a USB. Van genuflects at this generosity even though he doesn't know the difference between a USB and an LOL (memo to self:ask Pete). Goes home. Has second Jewish nervous breakdown at the thought of shoving this bit here and this but there. Being a bit of a sentimental old beggar, turns his dachshund calendar (phoar - they're gorgeous) to Monday (three days late) and pats dachshunds and HP in that order. HP suddenly begins ejaculating (sorry sensitive readers) perfectly printed documents! Anyone want to buy a Canon printer, never used, nice price negotiated. Any who says Sod doesn't rule the universe? Regards Van P.S. I'll send you a proper joke and a reply to quote soon. Prmise

Good morning jga. Can only suggest two things (after you've checked again): 1) Use the expensive 'next day guaranteed delivery' service - at least you get your money back if undelivered. b) Use Northern Rock plc, Northern Rock House, Gosforth, Newcastle-upon-Tyne NE3 4PL. The latter is their registered office, shown at the foot of all their letters (except the last two telling me I was overdue). Makes you wonder what 'selecta post' is. Keep us posted. Regards. Van

Well if Pete can do it so can I! I'll practise on someone else first though - I don't want to let myself down to PD again! As ever. Van

Strewth jga, that sounds like Sod's Law. You did send 'recorded delivery' (cost £1.04) and not 'certificate of posting'? What exactly does Royal Mail website say? Will you post on here the address you used? Regards. Van

I think it's 12 working days - i.e no Saturday, Sunday, public holiday (days of official strike?). Do observe Priority One's mantra - it makes sense. Vandemerwe

ODC, I have it on first hand authority from vandermerwe minor - regular visitor to Belmarsh and others (as a barrister I hasn't to add) - that Mr. Big doesn't bother with niceties like soap. You are not implying that BC would enjoy BC are you? Van

Howzit junki! Got a lot to go through tonight so you might hear more from me, but please tell me who gave you the spanked botty...was it....

Oh dear. Does this mean Mr. Carter isn't likely to meet Mr. Big in Belmarsh after all? I was so looking forward to reading Tony Hetherington's solemn pronouncement of another member of the second oldest profession being banged up for a couple of years or so. Good luck campaigners. Van

Would appreciate urgent advice as my printer has packed up. I need to send a 'hardship - keep your grubby paws of my state benefits' letter tomorrow (Monday). Can anyone tell me if it can be sent as a pdf or direct e-mail? Thanks. Vandermerwe

The arrogant sod will probably try and have some of us extradited to the US of A. Funny, he sounded like a yank after the first few lines - you can spot them a mile off. Pity the mouthy beggars can't spot our troopies on the ground. Vandermerwe

Er, think I'll try again tomorrow! Van