Gee whiz Goldlady. That was quick! But won't it will be shown on the Big Brother computer that I drove it during November to the MOT station, as well as on a CCTV camera when I filled up with petrol? Don't want to get done for perverting the course of justice. Could get the SORN notice in the mail tomorrow though. Regards. Van

Catch 22 coming up. Car (90,000 miles) had road tax due in November. Couldn't do it on line as no valid MOT. Failed MOT due to alleged "noisy" wheel bearing and service station is waiting for the part. We are now into December, of course, so does this mean another contribution to the government coffers coming up? Vandermerwe

Thanks Gizmo and Pimpernel. Have been making enquiries, but the bottom line seems to be "your wife didn't die, so you don't have a hope". Pretty blunt hey? Several advisers have suggested writing to our MP. What is, or are, PALS Pimpernel? Sorry to sound stupid but we lived in a country with First World medical standards until recently. Regards. Vandermerwe

Just to make my point clear, Flappy, I do not want any state employee in my home except in an emergency (e.g. a medical practitoner). I do not trust anything this government does, or tries to do. What's wrong with arranging to meet your children's teacher(s) on their own ground? Am glad you don't want your personal information on a government data base, but you do realise your entire medical history will be so recorded unless you have specifically instructed your GP not to do so? Van

Oh come off it Flappy! There is such as thing as good parenting you know, and this involves both parents meeting their children's teachers at school, joining in parent/teacher gatherings etc. It worked in our case, but then that was in the days when teachers taught and pupils learned. Given what I hear about today's curricula, political correctness, Christian aversion and leftist indoctrination - not to mention the 'amending' of historical fact - it would be my wife and I insisting on a school visit rather than the other way around. Vandermerwe

Er, I think they exist on planet Scotland. Pretty remote place, but a few aliens reach England I've heard tell. Vandermerwe

and get their details on a Big Brother computer to be transferred to a CD and then "lost" in the post. No thanks, Van

Not really, Essexbaas. It's about control and manipulation. My wife (just over the NHS 'disposible' rule) had a stroke six weeks ago, followed in quick succession by another, then another and finally a fourth. She finally got a bed on a mixed ward (which included a male 'wino'), never saw any medical practitioner more senior that a House Officer, the hospital lost her prescription for anti-coagulant medication, her GP 'forgot' to obtain much needed physiotherapy, but otherwise everything's lovely in this benighted state of ours. Vandermerwe P.S. She did have an early home visit from a social worker with a clip board, and to her eternal credit told her, politely but firmly, to Foxtrot Oscar.

In the few months I've been a CAGger I've formed the view that the majority of posters just wish to reclaim fines levied by their bank, with the next biggest group genuinely seeking help to pay off their debts at a rate they can reasonably afford. There are a few - very few in my opinion - looking to avoid their responsibilities plus the odd nutter here and there. As far as I am concerned I try to offer guidance to someone most days. I don't look for gratitude (but the occasional reputation click is gratifying!) but I don't need moralists preaching from on high either. Even as I write I wonder how x and y are managing, and whether I managed to help them in some small way. And, as Mrs. Van would tell you, I am not a pompous do-gooder either. To quote Alexander Dumas, "One for all, and all for one" And that was written long before Britain became the rip-off, sleazy country it has now become. Vandermerwe

Hi Jessi - see you've done it. And, by the way, make it a rule never to use your regular signature on correspondence - use a font such as Mistral. Think you're going to be a winner. Regards. Vandermerwe

Oh no PD - you can't do this to me! Green eyes like Kate Moss? And purrrrrring like a pussy cat as you sit on my lap? I had a lovely one once - Magnificat (aka Miffy) was her name. She loved our dachshunds and they loved her but unfortunately Fergie (Mrs. Van's Great Dane) was, er, not so friendly. Here's hoping (but I'll probably wear a blazer) Regards. Van

Which DFS sale, Pete, don't they have one every day? Van

Lots of short snappy comments on here that go over old Van's head. But Freaky or Pete called me young man, and made reference to prowess on the rugby field. That's the game that's played by gentlemen with egg shaped balls instead of .... oh s..t I've got it wrong again, and it's after my bedtime. Thanks, chaps, but I've got five grandchildren (at the last count) but just love compliments (hint to PD) and NO Freaky, she would never go near a prison in Cuba. She would act as interpreter for us, order the mojitos, find us the best bars and restaurants and I reckon we would all have a darned good time. Seriously though, I am intrigued by a meeting. Bit like an Agatha Christie thriller. None of us know much aboput each other or, indeed, where we live except that Jailbird's in Preston and I'm in the West Midlands. Obviously a place would have to be booked for lunch with place settings: wonder what you all look like? Am pretty sure PD doesn't actuaslly have a sparkling pink eye and, for your information, I don't (hopefully) look like Richard Wagner. Best wishes. Van

Hi J-W Completed payment letter AND the spreadsheet! Wow! You don't need this forum, it needs you! Suggest you repost on the Halifax site as you'll probably get more response there. Me? I'm still struggling with spreadsheets. Good luck, keep us posted and remember my mantra "one for all and all for one" Regards. Vandermerwe

Morning Freaky Must have missed a post - didn't know you were on serious medication. Sorry. Suggest we keep up a bit of light-hearted banter on here and - yes - I'd love a trip to Cuba. Just think about it - 50 year old Chevvys tied together with duck tape, superb meals in 'illegal' private restaurants, mojitos, Cuban rum and superb medcal care. Shall we chip in and take PD with us - she does speak the lingo after all! Everything of the best Freaky. Van

OK Freaky - let's stick to ladies' tennis from now on. All those lean, tanned legs with short skirts flipping up to reveal....oops, sorry, I meant sparkling eyes. Clever girl PD isn't she? Thanks for good wishes all - it's going to take six months before Mrs. Van comes right which is why I am getting so behind with my anti-bank efforts, and reading the Bear Garden in full. Regards to all. Van

How did you do it Seahorese? Debt collector in action? Van

PD - I'm sure you and others would like to commiserate with Freaky and his pals at the result of today's match. It was good rugby, and I've learned Freaky is a good enough sport to appreciate why I don't join in. As ever. Van

Thanks jailbird. It's certainly worth giving it a go. Vandermerwe

and where would one find such a person? Not through a call centre in Timbuktu surely? Not by addressing a personal letter either. Have you managed to find a geographic number for your bank? As I am with the HSBC, and have to key in my account number before the call centre answers (even when using the geographic number to use when overseas) I get the roughest of the lot. As I am fighting unlawful fees and interest thereon they have now removed by account from their internet banking site, or so it would seem. I opened a parachute account into which all my state benefits now go I suspect they have become a little cross. Vandermerwe

.......and cause worry and misery to people, many of which are completely unable to handle debt and who lose their homes, belongings, wives and, in some cases, commit suicide to end it all. Satan must be very happy, rubbing his hooves together in glee. I sometimes wonder how DCA employees sleep at night. Vandermerwe

Hi PD Yes, it's me. I am still alive (but only just) getting deeper and deeper into the mire as I cannot seem to get a single task completed to my satisfaction. I don't know how the 'gang' knew it was your birthday, but here are my belated good wishes and everything of the best for the year to come. Fondest wishes as ever, Van

You're right little Sally. Exactly the same happened to me when I addressed a specific letter to a person. A computer replied. Wonder why someone doesn't think of establishing a HSBC political party - they are so skilled at answering questions that were never posed and avoiding those that were? Good luck. Vandermerwe

Hi Ringodyle You've obviously been through the mill and treated scandalously by our unethical banking community and others. That's the bad news of which I am sure you are only too well aware. Now for the good news. You've posted on this site and have, literally, thousands of people willing to help you. Most will be excellent, but at the end of the day it will be up to you to decide what to do and how to do it. Me? I've been there, in one case at least I'm still there but I want you to do two things which will not cost you one red cent - and I ain't selling anything. First thing tomorrow I want you to telephone two free numbers: 0800 138-1111 0808 808-4000 Try from 08.00 onwards as the lines are busy. You'll find yourself talking to the Consumer Credit Counselling Service and then National Debtline. Be completely honest with them and one or the other - the choice is yours - WILL help you and it will cost you nothing as they are registered charities. The first (CCCS) has proved to be a lifeline to me. All I ask in return is that you post your experience on here (a moderator may move you to the Natwest site) and then try and help someone else in need of advice.

Hi Polly My gut instinct says Payplan are not doing their job - but it's no more than that. In principle I say go to court yourself, but then so much depends on the judge, especially if it is the small claims division. This is by way of an acknowledgement that people are looking at your thread and you will, most surely, get much better and more definitive help here very shortly. It would help if you could post some numbers on this site, i.e amount of total debt, amount owing to HFC, value of your house, outstanding mortgage etc. I learned (far too late unfortunately - but thanks to a CAGger) that statements of assets and liabilities should show mortgage payments as 'housing costs' rather than 'mortgage repayments'. Even when you are trying to play by the rules it's a bit like playing hopscotch in a minefield with these companies trying to claw back every red cent they can. Just hope they are not paying out million pound bonuses this Christmas. Good luck and please keep us posted. Regards. Vandermerwe