Thanks Ruby... I've just sent a reply back to you or so i thought!! Sent then realised my internet had gone off.. give me strengh, not getting stressed tho (she says).. For those who understand no explanation is needed for those who do not understand no explanation is possble.. Hugs to u 2 x

Thank you Ruby... gosh every day is different! Think i need to be a little easier on myself, just find this really hard to do.. my son had a asthma attack in my car, he lost conciousness, i had to give him CPR at the road side, bystanders watched me as i lost control and started screaming.. no one took over, it was the worst day of my life, i can't get that scream out of my head.. My boy was nearing his 10th birthday and that day was the last time i ever heard him speak.. help eventually arrived, my boy was without oxygen for 10 mins therefore he suffered major brain damage, from playing football, to going a mainstream school, arguing with his sister and telling me he loved me.. this was cruely taken away from him.. The last 6 years i was my boys main carer.. until he decided enough was enough, my boy was such a fighter right untill the end.. the hardest thing was when he looked me in the eyes, he couldn't speak but the look said it all..( please mum just let me go) this was about the 4th time he had suffered with pnuemonia and his body had had enough.. coming off the life support he still continued to breath for 2 days, he fell asleep in my arms.. feel like i lost my beautiful, funny whitty and so loving son twice.. It's coming upto nearly 2 years and i feel like it's hitting me now worse than ever!.. Thanks for listening guys x x

thank you nitelite.. i'll take a look at the link u've sent me, feel drained tonight so will check it out tomorrow.. need to move forward just got so much dragging me under.. thanks again.. night hun xxx

I think that's where i have gone wrong, speaking to friends and family! i've worried them on many occasions and don't want to put them through it again.. can i be right in saying i feel so alone and don't want to share my feeling with the ones i love the most? Spoke with my GP about my deep thoughts! even thought of taking my dog and my only remaining child out of this suicidal deep depression!! how mad is that? yet i come across to friends/family and the members of public that sometimes i'm fine.. Really i just want to be with my boy then i feel bad about leaving my daughter and dog behind! what the hell is up with my head?

Someone out there please help me... My darling son lost his life in 2011, since then i've not coped, i've turned to drink, anti depressants and sleeping tablets.. pushed my family and friends out of my life only because i don't have anything to say or hate them seeing me upset.. I've tried counselling, it made me worse! couldn't wait to get home and hit the bottle.. I've isolated myself and to be honest don't even know who i am anymore!.. been told i have to downsize because of this bedroom tax, plus got a tribunal next week regarding ESA.. my head is mashed.. feel like i shouldn't be here anymore!!