I think you would benefit from some counselling. Based on your very detailed accounts of imaginary illness you are causing yourself extreme stress. Fear is a very contagious emotion and once it takes hold the body's fight or flight response gets out of control. The psychological and physical symptoms of nervous exhaustion are very similar to what you describe, including opportunistic infections that take advantage of the stress condition. As you have had your medical condition assessed by your GP and specialist clinics I recommend you get hold of a book called, "Self Help For Your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. I hope you feel better soon.

I went to college in 1989/90/91 and received a £450 loan from the SLC in 90 and 91. I didn't start full time work until 2000 so I was well below the repayment thresh hold but didn't keep in contact with the SLC. In 2003 the SLC got in contact with me claiming that I owed them £1600. I arranged a repayment plan and have stuck to this, re-negotiating it after I lost my job due to unacceptable pressure at work. I currently pay the SLC £5 a month out of my incapacity benefit. In an attempt to get back into work I need to retrain as it would not be good for my health to go back to the type of work I did before. I want to return to uni to study fine art. I've been accepted on a 4 year degree course at the London Met Uni but the SLC have refused to loan me any money because I'm in arrears. I've applied for a disabled students grant but was told by a student advisor that I'm not eligible for any grants or bursaries because the SLC won't loan me money. Grants and bursaries are contingent on receiving a student loan apparently. I'm really confused by the whole process of trying to sort this out. From my own experience and after reading on here about the horrors experienced by those who have loans I'm worried about taking out another loan. I'm 47 and thought that if I did take out a loan it would be written off at 65 but this might not be the case so, unless I started to earn huge amounts, I'd spend the rest of my life with up to £50,000 worth of debt hanging over my head. On the other hand it would be a chance to spend four years devoting time developing something I enjoy doing and could result in moving in a new direction in life. Any advice/comments appreciated.

I believe that unions are important and necessary in the fight to defend worker rights but I'd like to agree with those who are critical of union support. I had a breakdown due to stress at work and my GP signed me off sick. After 9 months of trying to negotiate with my employer I was dismissed. During that time I struggled to get help from the union. I was accompanied to meetings by a union rep but received no help or advice defending my case. My employer claimed that the dismissal was fair because I do not fall within the remit of the DDA. The advice I have received from MIND and Disability Law Service was that my case does fall within this remit. Eventually, after going through a stressful appeal (which I received no advice or help from my union rep beforehand) it was agreed by the regional rep to refer my case to employment tribunal. The union solicitors have now decided after all this time that they can't win the case and my union have dropped me. The solicitors will only take on case they are 100% guaranteed to win. I've now received letters from my ex-employer demanding fees for specialist advisors. Right from the start I had to work really hard to get help from my union and was told by my rep that as the person involved in the case I should know best how to proceed. At no time, even though I requested it, was my rep willing to sit down and advise me over how to proceed with my case. At our last meeting with the regional rep where it was agreed to refer the case to tribunal he taped our conversation. As far as I'm concerned, I did not receive proper advice and support. There was no discussion about strategy and tactics to counter the lies that were used by my employer to justify my dismissal. Perhaps all those reps on this forum who aren't willing to acknowledge that some union support is absolutely shoddy need to go back and rethink whether their union is actually listening to and providing the support for their members needs rather than placing the responsibility for building cases on the sick and disabled members the union is meant to represent.