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A boy and his duck.

 

"Bye Dad!" little Johnny hollered as he pulled the front door closed behind him. He carefully walked down the apartment stairs, leading his pet duck Lucky by a leash. The high noon sun shone brightly upon him as he exited out onto the New York City sidewalk, and began to head towards the convenience store, where he hoped to apply for a job as a bag boy.

 

The store was fairly close to his apartment, if he took the shortcut. Unfortunately, the shortcut led through a rather seedy alleyway. Though Johnny was well aware that his parents wouldn't approve of him taking this route, he felt that since he was old enough to get a job, he was old enough to walk where he chose. As he turned down the side street, the duck quacked, as if to disapprove. Johnny ignored him.

 

Just as he was about to emerge onto the corner, he encountered a woman in what he would call fancy dress. You and I, dear reader, would call it "slutty." Yes, Johnny laid his eyes on a genuine "working girl," and he couldn't believe his eyes. Johnny came from a fairly conservative background, and didn't quite understand the concept of prostitution. She caught him looking at her, and never being one to turn down a trick, winked at him.

 

"Would you like to have some fun?" she purred, dripping sexuality. An energetic, virile 16-year-old, Johnny wasn't one to turn down fun, even if he had little idea what it entailed.

 

"Why sure!" he exclaimed. She promptly took his hand, and led him over to a nearby seedy motel. She booked a room for an hour and they entered. The duck walked into the room behind them.

 

She slowly removed the shirt she was wearing and threw it out of the way. She walked over to him and cooed, "My name's Jasmine. It's fifty dollars for an hour."

 

Though up until now, Johnny couldn't quite figure out what was happening, his pubescent brain began to churn and managed to put two and two together. "I'd love to," he said sadly, "but I don't have fifty dollars. All I have is my duck Lucky." Lucky quacked. Jasmine bent over, closely examined the duck, while wiggling her derrière, keeping Johnny in a state of awe.

 

"You know," she finally said, "This duck looks like he's worth about fifty dollars. If you give him to me, then we can call it even." Johnny blinked. He looked at the duck, Lucky, whom he spent so much of his youth with. Then he looked at the alluring woman, whom would make him a man. Johnny looked back and forth between the two, bit his lip, looked apologetically at the duck, and blurted his answer.

 

"He's yours!"

 

Minutes later, they were tussling on the bed, Johnny getting his first taste of the sweet nectar of sexuality. As she began to unzip his pants, something became abundantly, overwhelmingly clear - Johnny's genes had blessed him with a rather large bulge in his jeans. Her jaw dropped when she saw it. It wasn't uncomfortably large, but rather, just the right length and girth to do some massive massaging of her naughty bits.

 

It wasn't too long before they were making the The Beast With Two Backs on the bed. Despite his inexperience, Johnny's stamina proved to be top shelf. After nearly 40 minutes of coitus, both Jasmine and Johnny were reaching orgasmic heights the like of which neither had experienced. Keep in mind, reader, Jasmine does this for a living. She rolled off him, and they both lay panting on the bed. She rolled over to look him in the eye.

 

"Johnny, that was the greatest f**k I've ever had. I can't thank you enough. I feel incredible." Johnny agreed wholeheartedly. They chatted for a bit, and then she coyly asked, "Hey, listen, I already told you that was mind-blowing. If I gave you your duck back, would you be willing to do it again?"

 

Johnny, already showing signs of his new manhood, readily consented. "F**k yeah!" 40 minutes later, they were finished, once again exhausted. Johnny had to drag his way out of the bed, Jasmine not willing to let him go without a fight. He hurriedly threw his clothes back on, untied his duck's leash from the chair, and said his goodbye.

 

"I got to go get a job application. It was really great meeting you. Bye!" He left the room and headed back towards his original destination. Johnny was still exhausted from his little romp in the sheets, so the duck was leading the way. He was also not being totally aware, and as he began to cross the street, a car ran a red light and BLAM! - Lucky the duck wasn't lucky no more. A cloud of feathers accompanied the cloud of tyre smoke as the reckless driver screeched to a halt. "LUCKY!" shrieked Johnny.

 

A young professional in a business suit emerged from the car. Frantically, he ran over to the boy. "Oh my God, I didn't mean to do that! I swear? Are you okay? PLEASE tell me you're okay!!!"

 

Johnny was hit by the sadness of the loss of his childhood companion. He relayed his feelings to the man.

 

"Listen," spoke the Yuppie, "I'll give you everything in my wallet if you don't call the police. I'm really sorry." He proceeded to empty his wallet to the sum of two Jacksons and four Washingtons. The endorphins from the wild sex not yet totally worn off, Johnny consented. He no longer really felt in the mood to get to the job interview. He turned back around, taking the long way home, his eyes looking below the horizon and a melancholy look on his face. Slowly though, he realized that Lucky was in a better place now, and not only was he a man, but he also had almost fifty dollars to boot!

 

His frown melted into a smile as he walked into his house. His father couldn't figure out what he was smiling about. "Johnny," he inquired, "You were gone a long time. Did you make it to the store and get an application?"

 

"No Dad, I never made it there."

 

"Well, why are you so happy?"

 

"Well, I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and fourty-four bucks for a f**k*d up duck."

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

JUST 4 FUN ! :D

 

1. Key into the calculator the first 3 digits of your phone number (not AREA/STD code).

2. Multiply by 80

3. Add 1

4. Multiply by 250

5. Add last 4 digits of your phone number

6. Add last 4 digits of your phone number again

7. Subtract 250

8. Lastly, divide by 2 Is this your phone number???!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

bow-take-a.jpg

If my post was helpful don't forget to click the star!

Advice is offered freely, without liability and without prejudice.

If in any doubt professional legal advice should be sought.

 

I do not profess to be in any way legally trained, I am a big

oily truck driver and all I know has been learned within the

Consumer Action Group.

 

FAQ's

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/faqs-please-read-these/

 

Trying to stop smoking?

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/give-up-smoking-here/

 

A dummies guide to the forums

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/welcome-consumer-forums/107001-how-do-i-dummies.html

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BORN FREE FOUNDATION

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Good post and well done!!

 

You have put in an awful lot of effort and given good support and advice to many people.

 

Take a bow!!:)

Any advice given by me is based solely on my experience in claiming, my experience in CAG or my opinion. I have no legal background. I want to encourage others to reclaim what is theirs.

 

Got a DCA breaking OFT guidance. Complain to the OFT about the DCA. Help put an end to these practices-

 

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/letter-templates/155095-complain-oft-about-unfair.html#post1652270

 

Register with CAG today, its free, its a great community:

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/register.php

 

[email protected].

 

 

 

Thankyou Kennythecelt:)

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Hee hee hee - heard that joke before - but wouldn't like to repeat "my version" on an open forum lol

 

Nice one DMD:cool: 2,000 posts:D good for you!!!! - I can confirm your reputation on the Debt Forums - you also made me giggle to boot - especially your mum answering the 'phone:cool:

 

Perhaps it's a Lancs thing but no - am struggling here - have spent ages trying to work out your phone number thingy - but then again - have never been that good at maths:p - despite working for a major high street bank many moons ago:eek: - I keep getting me an extra "1" - er.... will have to meet up for a pint with you sometime Dave - then you can explain - either that or I've got a very dodgy calculator:D (er - courtesy of the rather large high street bank that I used to work for lol)

 

Well done DMD - major respect for you and your battles.

 

PS - Only up late as I've got a "poorly" doggy lol

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My calculator must be from the same place as yours cos I get an extra 7 no matter how many times I try it ................................. still, it was a good way to spend half an hour waiting for my OH to stop snoring.

 

And I agree with your sentiments about Dave, the man's a genius with DCAs, they must hate the sound of his name ..... I've used some of his tactics and they work a treat, plus, as you say, you get a giggle out of reading his threads as well.

 

More power to you Dave ......... I sincerely hope you'll stick around these threads and give advice long after your own battles are over.

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I get a 00 in the middle!! take one of the 0's off and it is the right number, should it work for 6 digit numbers or just 7?

Lula

 

Lula v Abbey - Settled

Lula v Abbey (2) - Settled

Lula v Abbey (3) - Stayed

 

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Some nice words there! Thanks everyone!!

 

Sadly it seems the phone number thingy only works on 7 numbers after STD code. It worked for me (0161).

 

Thanks again for the support, it means a lot!! :cool:

 

Regards, Dave (who won a lot of money last Saturday and now has a new laptop!).

  • Haha 1

If my post was helpful don't forget to click the star!

Advice is offered freely, without liability and without prejudice.

If in any doubt professional legal advice should be sought.

 

I do not profess to be in any way legally trained, I am a big

oily truck driver and all I know has been learned within the

Consumer Action Group.

 

FAQ's

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/faqs-please-read-these/

 

Trying to stop smoking?

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/give-up-smoking-here/

 

A dummies guide to the forums

http://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/welcome-consumer-forums/107001-how-do-i-dummies.html

--

KEEP WILDLIFE IN THE WILD

http://www.bornfree.org.uk

BORN FREE FOUNDATION

--

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Some nice words there! Thanks everyone!!

 

Sadly it seems the phone number thingy only works on 7 numbers after STD code. It worked for me (0161).

 

Thanks again for the support, it means a lot!! :cool:

 

Regards, Dave (who won a lot of money last Saturday and now has a new laptop!).

 

:cool: can I borrow a tenner?:D

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