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It's Not Just In The UK!


Rhino69
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My wife received this from a friend in the USA. :)

 

I must confess, I was thinking about doing something along similar lines.

 

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

 

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

 

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

 

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

 

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

 

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

 

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

 

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I

know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

 

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

Let me level the playing field even further.

 

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

 

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

 

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated, at a later date, to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

 

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

 

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

 

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)

'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE "US SENIORS" !!

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Love it - wish I'd thought of doing that (but then I'm probably not old enough)

 

Steven

 

If this post is helpful, please click the scales

Any opinions are without prejudice & without liability.

Almost everything I know concerning the law I learned from this site

Steven

 

Using CAG Toolbar will generate much needed income - Download Here

 

Confused by Simple Interest? Confounded by Compound Interest? Read my Interest Tutorial

My Wins

 GE Money Won unconditionally May 2007

NatWest Won unconditionally August 2007

Brighthouse Won unconditionally August 2007

Goldfish Won unconditionally April 2008 (including CI on the basis of Sempra)

Clydesdale Financial Services (now BPF) Won unconditionally February 2008

 

Any opinions are without prejudice & without liability. Do not take any legal action on my advice alone. Almost everything I know concerning the law I learned from this site.

 

Please note, I will not give advice by PM. Please send a link to your thread and I will do my best to answer there.

 

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Sorry, but this has been doing the rounds for years. It's highly unlikely to be legit.

 

Here's the info about this particular urban legend:

 

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Bounced Check Complaint

Halifax - Credit Card: 14/11/06 sent S.A.R, 29/12/06 sent Prelim, 11/01/07 1st bog-off received, 15/01/07 LBA sent, 01/02/2007 MCOL started for £1801 (inc court costs and 8% int.), 02/02/2007 MCOL cancelled... , 09/06/2007 Court claim started, 01/06/2007 Claim Acknowledged, 07/06/2007 Claim concluded, £1540 to be reimbursed into CC account.

GE Capital Bank Ltd - Storecards (3): 11/06/07 sent S.A.R, 15/06/07 Acknowledgement of S.A.R received

GE Capital Bank Ltd - Wife's Storecards (2): not started yet...

Nationwide - Current A/C: not started yet...

Lloyds TSB Bank Ltd - Current A/C: not started yet...

Lloyds TSB Bank Ltd - Business A/C: not started yet...

and the rest I haven't remembered so far... : not started yet...

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Still wish I'd thought of it

 

Steven

 

If this post is helpful, please click the scales

Any opinions are without prejudice & without liability.

Almost everything I know concerning the law I learned from this site

Steven

 

Using CAG Toolbar will generate much needed income - Download Here

 

Confused by Simple Interest? Confounded by Compound Interest? Read my Interest Tutorial

My Wins

 GE Money Won unconditionally May 2007

NatWest Won unconditionally August 2007

Brighthouse Won unconditionally August 2007

Goldfish Won unconditionally April 2008 (including CI on the basis of Sempra)

Clydesdale Financial Services (now BPF) Won unconditionally February 2008

 

Any opinions are without prejudice & without liability. Do not take any legal action on my advice alone. Almost everything I know concerning the law I learned from this site.

 

Please note, I will not give advice by PM. Please send a link to your thread and I will do my best to answer there.

 

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