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Some funnies - Taken from Actual Hospital Charts.


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Apparently, these are actual notes from hospital charts.

 

1:            The patient refused an autopsy

2:            The patient has no history previous history of suicides

3:            Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital

4:            Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the                       past 3 days.

5:            She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night!

 

6:            Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7:            On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the third day, it disappeared.

8:            The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be depressed.

9:            The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993

10:          Discharge Status – Alive, but without my permission.

 

11:          Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12:          Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13:          She is numb from her toes down.

14:          While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15:          The skin was moist and dry.

 

16:          Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17:          Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18:          Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19:          She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20:          I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

 

21:          The Lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22:          Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

23:          The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

24:          Large brown stool, ambulating in the hall.

25:          Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.

 

26:          When she fainted, her eyes rolled round the room.

27:          The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane run out of gas and he crashed.

28:          Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

29:          She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

30:          Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

 

31:          The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

32:          By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

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  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

He apparently didnt end up in hospital but ...

 

... OMG where did they come from ...

 

APNEWS.COM

CLEARWATER, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities said they found cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around a man's penis during a traffic stop...

 

 

He was 'holding them' for a really close friend perhaps ... boom booom

Edited by tobyjugg2

 "Moral emptiness and epidemiological stupidity”

"unrepentant and inveterate liar" “tinpot dictator” “mired in sleaze”

Boris Johnson Mendex est

“as he waded through the empty bottles and platters of sandwiches, he didn’t realise it was a party”

 

“The failure of the cheerleaders of Brexit to acknowledge the consequences of Brexit as due to Brexit remains remarkable.” - David Schneider

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