Domestic Violence now left with Major debt - all in my own name

[Feelingdownandout]

Hello Everyone

 

So my Partner and I broke up at christmas.  This was after 4 years of domestic violence, financial abuse - the whole works.  I have recently had surgery to repair the damage he did 6 months ago - and 6 months of recovery ahead.  

 

He blocked me on all avenues.  I could not reach him - the trauma was horrendous.  I changed my mobile number in the end, and two months later I text him begging him back, and if he didnt want to come back then i would accept that and he was to collect his belongings by the end of the week.  (This was a sunday)  he called the following day and was interested in knowing if i had moved on etc... i told him i hadnt.  i told him that this situation needed to be concluded one way or another.  he told me he was busy and couldnt collect his stuff.  he wouldnt be held to any arrangements, i just couldnt get him to agree anything! 

 

after another month passes by i have disregarded the belongings that have been stacking up the home / garage.  i just couldnt take anymore.  I spoke to his step mother / father who said they didnt want them, not to take them there.  they didnt want to get involved. 

 

i have since been diagnosed with a variety of mental health issues which I am very slowly working through, and the past four months have been extremely difficult.  i have periods of time that i cannot account for, and only images of my actions. 

 

the situation now is this - he has been in contact, and we are trying to see if we can make things work.  he has been to my home and seen that i have disregarded his stuff, and he is threatening me with all sorts of law and threats of personal attack.  he is once again verbally abusing me and calling me names over the phone.  i have reminded him that i tried to get him to come and collect his stuff but he refused to commit to it.  he has even told me that he has been sleeping with another woman.  

 

he is accusing me of selling his belongings and furnishing my home etc. 

 

of course there is more to this than just this situation.  

 

I have been in touch with Womens Aid and am starting to get some support, but I am very concerned about the repercussions of my actions.

 

i told him that i was agreeable to replacing some of his belongings, but that it would take a lot of time as due to the level of debt that i was left in following the breakdown of the relationship £60k i am at the beginnings of an IVA. 

 

i had pointed out to him that he was responsible for my debt, as he hadnt worked for several years and put me under immense financial pressure - but of course..... thats my own fault.... 

 

in return I have told him that i am waiting for him to repay me the money that he owes me, and that he has not mentioned how he is going to do that.

 

its all very messy.....

[Feelingdownandout]

I suppose what i am asking is what my position is regarding me disposing of his stuff?

 

im really freaking out about the threats that ive broken some law, i gave him notice, i asked him to come and collect it 

 

where do i stand ?

[Feelingdownandout]

i asked him to collect it ..... 

 

he didnt......

 

i disposed of it already....

 

i had a full meltdown 

[Feelingdownandout]

the items were clothes mainly :

work suits, DJ, ties, belt, coat, day jacket, jumpers, shorts, t-shirts, trainers, football socks shin pads, ski jacket and walking boots  etc etc  - the stuff that he didnt take while he was packing to leave.  (albeit i did pack alot of stuff the day i threw him out and there was not as much as hes claiming)  

 

the TV wasnt working and it had glass in the screen and i was told it wasnt worth repairing so i took it to te rcycling centre, there was a sound bar that i broke be stepping back onto the glass on it and the sub woofer.  

 

there were some pictures as well, some glazed, some canvas, 

 

i text him (and i have this message and proof it was delivered) and asked him to collect his stuff and i gave him a weeks notice, or I would assume that he didnt want it.  he called me to say he wanted it - but he wouldnt agree to collect it.  he just went silent.   i just couldn't cope with it anymore.  his step mother said she didnt want it - that it was nothing to do with them. 

 

 i am now being threatened that i have broke the law, and that he is going to have me dealt with....

 

womens aid are now on board, as much as i love him, i just cant deal with this. 

 

hes accused me of selling his stuff to furnish my house.  which is a lie. 

 

i work full time. and i have my own money - what little of it i have left.  i am knee deep in debt and he is making no offer to reimburse the money that he 'borrowed' from me year after year.  

 

i need help 

[Feelingdownandout]

Hi DX100uk

 

So what do i do about the debt and that he wants money from me for his stuff?

 

[Feelingdownandout]

he wants 10's £1,000's

 

the fact of the matter is that he likely owes me £52k..... i kept him for years and he didnt work, and he just sucked money out of me and credit cards and loans etc 

 

was really awful 

 

and yes - he blamed me - said i had a bad attitude to money - and in fact has said that to me today!

 

he wants a full finacial disclosure from me as he thinks i have ,money!!!

45 minutes ago, dx100uk said:

are any of the consumer credit debts joint with him or all only in your name..

 

dx

 

no - he was clever - its all in my name  

1 hour ago, dx100uk said:

please do not do an IVA!!

no need for that on consumer credit debts.

 

if he is not signed up as joint on these debts theres little you can get our of him.

as for his possessions, not alot he can do really, just a ruse to get out of paying you all the free money you probably gave him..

 

 

ok - i wont 

[Feelingdownandout]

But also, I think it will be good idea if you put together a list of the item so far as you can remember them. - what is it you would like me to item out 

Has he contacted you in writing about this? - his belongings or the money he owes me

Have you contacted him in writing? yes and I have seen him 

Have the police been involved at all? he was arrested in Dec 2019 for Section 47 Assault 

In terms of financial disclosure I don't think you need to disclose anything.

What is his professional background? - he has barely worked in 12 years - he was working in a warehouse, but he doesnt like working long hard hours for minimum wage - he claims he's mentally incapable etc - hes a narssacist basically.  so he is now claiming benefts in the 4 years of our relationship he worked for 6 months in 2017 and 9 months in 2020

 

What is yours? i am a senior secretary and working 

Has he incurred any expenses such as insurance, mobile phone contracts, hire purchase agreements et cetera using your name? - No 

11 minutes ago, BankFodder said:

And also, do you own your own home?

yes i do 

 

help to buy mortgage 

[Feelingdownandout]

Well the list that you should make is a list/inventory of all the items which you threw out. - ok - i will try - i was in a poor mental state at the time 

If this can be any accountability going, you may as well have your list and paperwork sorted out.

In terms of writing, – any writing. What is a written.i have a message that can prove was delivered and he called me asking him to collect his stuff 

In terms of the arrest, with this related to an assault on you or something completely different.this was an assault on me 

Have the police been involved since then? If you are receiving new threats and so forth and you haven't called the police then why not? no the police are not involved at the moment, i am working with womens aid on a safety plan.  yes i have received new threats, but suspect that was more flannel and hot air as he is angry about the situtain 

Does he have keys or any access to the property? no - i changed the locks months ago while he was still living here, couldnt take anymore 

 

Are there any children involved – either yours together or your own? my 18 year old daughter lives with me (and lived with me while he did too)

[Feelingdownandout]

Ok - I will start to make the list.

 

what can he do to me? can he take me to court? try to get yet more money out of me?  I have none.  

 

he said that he can 'prove' the items that were left here in my 'safe' care.  yet when i asked him to collect them he wouldn't...... i am not a storage facility..... 

 

he would send me emails in the middle of the night from an encrytped email account - i mean, what is that about?   i had to block him in the end as it was derailing me at work.  so he was unable to email me, and I put an automated reply on my email account to say that this account is no longer active.  

 

in all that time he never wrote to me at home - not once

 

if i go to the police he will be rearresred for the previous offence as he was only released without charge and if anything came to light to substantiate the charge he would be rearrested.  

[Feelingdownandout]

how would I get bank statements?  Lloyds closed both of my accounts.  All of my credits are defaulted and i no longer have access to anything online 

[Feelingdownandout]

do i pay for a SAR?

 

[Feelingdownandout]

my debts are at the peak of doorstep - i have already had one on the door....

 

think i need to deal with this altogether 

[Feelingdownandout]

i am not opening the door at the moment in case they try to force the way in

 

[Feelingdownandout]

i dont know - i think ive watched too many of those programmes 

 

Hi All 

 

I am posting here as I have two major life issues on the go at the same time.

 

so i have £52k of unsecured debt.  i own my own home - help to buy mortgage and have recently been advised by a one of the adverts to go into an iva to protect my house 

 

But i understand that i dont have to do that?

 

i need to sort out the following info

 

original creditor

type of credit

when taken out

how much is outstanding

defaulted date from credit file

who owns the debt now if a dca

last payment date and to whom

[Feelingdownandout]

i saw an advert to help sort my finances and the ppl told me that my only option to protect my house was an IVA

[Feelingdownandout]

i will get this posted up today and in answer to the question no - the mortgage dont know

[Feelingdownandout]

Hi All 

 

Please can i have some help. 

 

So, I am 6 months out of a domestic violence relationship, including financial abuse (and physical & sexual).  i am thousands in debt thanks to him (over £55k), its taken me months to even start to look at it.  My first hurdle, is that my council tax now has a liability order.  Bristow and Sutor are asking me to complete a 'details' form, address, dependants, age, employment details, salary etc. 

 

can someone tell me what information i need to give them?  I owe £400 from last year and £750 from this year so far.  

 

i am not sure what the heck i am doing. 

 

i suffer severe anxiety and depression, not to mention PTSD and am afraid of my own shadow.  Before I fill in any forms, i need some help and advice please. 

 

there is more to come with my other creditors.

 

to top it off, my ex partner (who I threw out, has had a variety of debt collection letters and CCJ's come to my house, he hasn't changed his address (i dont know where he is) and its causing me sleepless nights.  I just cannot cope with anymore, no amount of returning these letters works, they just keep comming) 

[Feelingdownandout]

the Police were involved yes, he was arrested (but not charged) for ABH - and in the usual victim mentality i didnt make a statement, however, I can go back to that (or so i am told).  The last time he assaulted me I ended up in A&E in Oct 2020 and ended up requiring surgery in March 2021, this is on my medical file, there are photos etc of the assaults previously, and as you know from before my children witnessed far more than they should have.  

 

Shropshire Domestic Aid have now allocated me a case worker, and yes I have advised the Council, its been very difficult as I feel very uneasy and anxious about it all.  

 

my ex was very clever, and the debt was all in my name.  he used my credit cards to pay for his car finance etc, i told him I couldnt afford it and that all he was doing was transferring the debt to me, he promised to repay it, but he never did. he did the same to his previous wife, and left he with a lot of debt.  this isnt his first time - sadly.  i have been financially coerced and abused. 

 

I have my own home, mortgaged that i live in with my daughter, and it is a HTB mortgage.

 

with regards to his post, i just keep sending it back, but i can tell he has had at least two Ccj's, one of which from the previous house as he hasnt changed his address with some of his creditors.  this is a real mess and coming to my door.

 

i have had a couple of conversations with him to redirect his post - but so far no joy.  he had asked for me to forward to his dads house, but that doesnt get it away from my door, and just leaves me with another task to sort for him on a regular basis. 

 

 

[Feelingdownandout]

  

Frankly I suggest that you start opening all the post, copying it and then sending it back.

I think I would also write to the senders and informed them about his change of address – to his father's house. - OK 

Presumably all the creditor correspondence is addressed to you because the debts are in your name. - that is correct - he didnt work for a 3 years and ran up his own credit card debt as well as mine.  as soon as HIS son turned 18, the Child Benefit and Child maintenance stopped, he was barely paying his way - he then just stopped paying anything 

 

I would certainly go back to the police and make the statement and try to complete the process. I think it's quite shameful that the police didn't deal with it anyway once you  were in hospital. - if it was that easy I would - he once threatened to pour petrol in his ex-wife's letterbox, and on the basis i dont know where HE is I am afraid to do anything 

If you have a caseworker and the council is fully aware then why are they being so hard-nosed about chasing you for this money? - I don't know.  but all I know is that for months i couldnt even process paperwork let alone do any banking because he was at me constantly

 

I don't know where to start - i have now sorted all of my papers into piles so that i know whats what, and it sickens me.  

[Feelingdownandout]

correct - yes 

 

I made damn sure of that  

[Feelingdownandout]

His name - they have come to my house - 1 directly and one from the previous house as he hadnt changed his address

 

my conversation with Bristow Sutor - yellow highlight is them

i have begged for help

 

 

02.09.2021.pdf

[Feelingdownandout]

ok - thankyou 

 

No I have not let anyone in the house.  and yes just a NoE.

 

I am frightened they will levy my car

[Feelingdownandout]

shropshire domestic violence know - yes 

and i have told the council and bristow sutor 

 

the last attack was october last year - i threw him out in december and i had surgery (to allow the damage from october to repair) in March 2021 

 

yes the noe is as a result of not being capable of dealing with anything.  my last payment to c./tax was oct /nov last year 

 

bristow have given me until 6pm tomorrow night to fill the form in and contact them.

 

i'm petrified 

[Feelingdownandout]

i do have some debt to my electric - thats the next thing - again, i stopped paying in Oct / Nov when they increased payments to £200 .... my ex was charging his electric mercedes on the house, and i just couldnt afford it 

 

can the NoE Bristow & Sutor take my car?

 

no i havent gotten a copy of my deeds - why do you say that??

 

Edited September 2, 2021 by Feelingdownandout

[Feelingdownandout]

yes i am working and my employers know about the domestic violence and abuse - I only have until 6pm today to contact Bristow & Sutor - do I complete the form they have asked me to and call them as they have instructed.  I have to go into the office today so am so tight on time.... its making me feel sick 

they want salary details etc... do i give them that?

 

one of my neighbours knows the local councillors so she has reached out for me and explained the situation, hoping i get a reply today

Edited September 3, 2021 by Feelingdownandout