Jump to content


Ex Girlfriend Owes £7k And Is Refusing To Pay Me Back


Recommended Posts

Hi Folks

 

I was in a turbulent relationship that ended last year.

3 years ago i gave my ex many thousands of pounds to borrow to pay for her legal fees, this was for her divorce from her husband and also restraining orders against him and to help with her living costs. I cant give an exact amount but we agreed she pays me £7k back although this is much less than she truly owes me and I'm not in a position to argue and hope to get anything back.

 

Im very far away from her and so im unable to sort this out face to face. She has blocked my phone number and sent me texts to say she owes me nothing. She was meant to pay me back once she got her divorce settled from her ex husband (before i met her). Now my stress is through the roof as im in so much debt because of her.

 

Should i find a lawyer who can pursue this for me. I know her married name and her previous address, im not 100% sure of her date of birth aim not sure a rough guess helps, i have no address because she has moved, i dont have her NS number either. Is it possible for a lawyer to find her.

 

Like many people right now i dont have much money to spare, im trying to slowly get my life back together, im struggling financially and i cant afford to be paying lawyers fees right now. I am also in a temp job and im paid £1750 a month and im on a 3 month contract. I dont know if i will get legal aid. Im in Scotland and she is in England.

 

Guys what do you suggest i do from here?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have this written down anywhere, that she agrees to pay you back, or that this is simply a loan from you to her?

 

If not I don't fancy your chances. Do you have evidence of any of this going out of your account into hers?

  • Like 1

Who ever heard of someone getting a job at the Jobcentre? The unemployed are sent there as penance for their sins, not to help them find work!

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't need a lawyer but you do need an address.

You are going to have to issue proceedings against her and you need to know where she's living. Of course she may not have any assets and that might make life even more difficult. If she owns her own home then you have a good chance of enforcing adjustment.

You don't have to get a lawyer to track her down and even if you could, it would cost you lots of money. The best you can do is to do it yourself.

You have to be very careful about it, very discreet so nobody knows that you are looking for her but with social media nowadays, anything is possible.

I'm afraid until you get an address there's nothing you can start. Even having an address, you would be best off finding out if she has any assets.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with other advice, what evidence do you have that you made her a loan that she agreed to pay back? What if she says it wasn't a loan, you were in a relationship with her at the time and you gave her the money? 

 

I court it isn't whether you are right that matters but what you can prove

 

Edited by Ethel Street
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

One of the elements of contract is (but maybe – used to be) – an intention to create legal relations. There is generally speaking a presumption against any intention to create legal relations within family arrangements.

I have a sense that this is probably an outdated view now and that an intention to create legal relations has got a very low bar and I think we are dealing with a loan of thousands of pounds to pay legal fees – not gifts or sharing expenses – but to pay legal fees, then I think that the courts were probably happy that there was interested to create legal relations. When supported by a subsequent agreement to repay – then I have no doubt that this is in full swing.

Of course the subsequent agreement would normally be subject to evidence – but I think that a judge would very possibly decide that on the balance of probabilities, there had been such an agreement in view of the circumstances.
I understand that the money involved was probably much more than £7000 and that the agreement to repay £7000 was an amicable/compromise arrangement. If that is correct, then I think a judge would be even more comfortable about holding that this was an enforceable agreement because the judge will be impressed by the attempt to compromise over the eventual sum.

However, all of this is otiose without knowing the address of the person who owes the money

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Hi thanks for your reply. There is no agreement im afraid. There may be old texts from her agreeing to pay me back one day but probably not the amount mentioned. I would be able to get statements from the bank showing the transaction and any paypal transactions too. 

 

I would be able to get bank statements but there is no agreement. Maybe some old texts of hers agreeing to pay me back one day but i dont think an amount is ever mentioned.

 

i dont have an address, just her old address, i have her date of birth, her married name, her phone number, her bank account details.

 

She does not own her own home but she has her divorce settlement coming up in the coming months so she might well have the amount owed. She does not have her own home.

 

She has a new account on social media etc and i dont have a clue where to start. She is smart enough not to use her name to avoid me finding her. I dont know where she works other than its a shell station in North Wales. Im in Glasgow so it makes detective work very hard. 

 

I was hoping lawyers would have ways of tracking down someone for legal purposes similar to your credit ratings with old addresses and married name and date of birth.

 

i might have some sort of a leg to stand on if i did have her address. I might have old texts from her agreeing to pay back the money one day but she never specifies an amount. I would be able to get bank statements to back everything up and possibly paypal statements. 

 

She has had a lot of involvement with police, social workers, [remark removed] and so on but i would imagine nobody is likely to tell us her address.

 

I do not know these people but i have found on Facebook her ex sister in law and father in law, they probably dont like her but im not sure if contacting them would backfire in some way.

 

She works in a 24 hour shell station in North Wales that trucks etc use, i dont know which one, i was wondering if i should phone each one in that area and ask if she is working today. If i did find that out, i would need to try and go there from Glasgow and follow her home. 

 

Is it any good if i find out who her lawyer is who is handling her divorce as its been going on for a few years but again i only know the lawyers first name and that its a lawyers firm across the road from Chester Magistrates Court.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Defamatory remark removed from post above.

 

Her lawyer would be unable to assist you with this - their responsibility is to their client.

 

Phoning all the Shell stations in N Wales doesn't sound like a good option either.

 

If you can't find what you need on the internet yourself, you could use a private investigator to find the address you need.

 

But I'm sure @BankFodder will be back with further opinion.

We could do with some help from you

                                                                PLEASE HELP US TO KEEP THIS SITE RUNNING

EVERY POUND DONATED WILL HELP US TO KEEP HELPING OTHERS

 

                                            Have we helped you ...?  Please Donate button to the Consumer Action Group

 

Please give something if you can. We all give our time free of charge but the site has bills to pay.

 

Thanks !:-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 23/02/2021 at 16:20, mystic_bertie said:

 

She has blocked my phone number and sent me texts to say she owes me nothing. She was meant to pay me back once she got her divorce settled from her ex husband (before i met her).

 

 

On 23/02/2021 at 21:06, mystic_bertie said:

 

She does not own her own home but she has her divorce settlement coming up in the coming months so she might well have the amount owed.

 


Adding to all the other difficulties (address for service, proving an agreement, obtaining enforcement even if you succeeded) that have been raised: Has the obligation to repay yet arisen?

 

You say the agreement was repayment once the divorce settlement occurred, but then point out settlement has yet to occur!.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to say that nothing you have written above changes anything. You need an address. I suppose you could get some investigator to find it but the amount of money it will cost you will probably exceed what you are claiming.

Also, you need to be very careful about the way that you approach this because you don't want to find yourself in a position where suddenly the tables are turned on you and you are being subject to complaints about harassment.

This means that you need to be very delicate and gentle and discreet about the enquiries you make.

There is a way of serving papers on someone if you cannot find their address – if you happen to know their bank, for instance or a lawyer that they use, for instance. Or their place of work. It's called "substituted service" – but it's not straightforward. I don't know the procedure particularly but I'm quite certain that it requires an application to a judge and this itself will cost you money and although the amount that you are claiming is a significant amount of cash, you may still decide that it's not worth it.

I'm only referring to this procedure so that you know about it – but not as a serious suggestion that you try it.

 

https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/civil/rules/part06

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, slick132 said:

Defamatory remark removed from post above.

 

Her lawyer would be unable to assist you with this - their responsibility is to their client.

 

Phoning all the Shell stations in N Wales doesn't sound like a good option either.

 

If you can't find what you need on the internet yourself, you could use a private investigator to find the address you need.

 

But I'm sure @BankFodder will be back with further opinion.

 

Ok many thanks for your reply. I can count her lawyer out. 

 

The service stations are a handful in a certain area which must be not far from Deeside so not too many can be 24 hr and accommodate trucks etc so im thinking 8 places max. Long shot i know but i dont have much chance using other means.

 

Are investigators expensive?

 

5 hours ago, BazzaS said:

 


Adding to all the other difficulties (address for service, proving an agreement, obtaining enforcement even if you succeeded) that have been raised: Has the obligation to repay yet arisen?

 

You say the agreement was repayment once the divorce settlement occurred, but then point out settlement has yet to occur!.

 

All i have is a few old texts from her agreeing to pay me back one day once her divorce is final and references to her waiting for updates from her lawyer, her divorce has been dragged out for 4 years and covid has made it worse. I trusted i would get it back one day.

 

Yes thats right it has not been settled but the dates keep getting moved and moved and her lack or reassurance to me made me more and more concerned. Now she has blocked me and is completely ignoring me.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, BankFodder said:

I'm sorry to say that nothing you have written above changes anything. You need an address. I suppose you could get some investigator to find it but the amount of money it will cost you will probably exceed what you are claiming.

Also, you need to be very careful about the way that you approach this because you don't want to find yourself in a position where suddenly the tables are turned on you and you are being subject to complaints about harassment.

This means that you need to be very delicate and gentle and discreet about the enquiries you make.

There is a way of serving papers on someone if you cannot find their address – if you happen to know their bank, for instance or a lawyer that they use, for instance. Or their place of work. It's called "substituted service" – but it's not straightforward. I don't know the procedure particularly but I'm quite certain that it requires an application to a judge and this itself will cost you money and although the amount that you are claiming is a significant amount of cash, you may still decide that it's not worth it.

I'm only referring to this procedure so that you know about it – but not as a serious suggestion that you try it.

 

https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/civil/rules/part06

 

Im afraid that it sounds like im going to have to try and do the best myself. Im not sure if investigators have more powers or not to find out things i cant. 

 

Yes your right i dont want to be accused of harassment too as that's the kind of thing she would do.

 

I will take a read through the link you provided and see what i think. If i knew this was going to happen i would have try and prepared myself with the right information in advance but now i dont have much to go on.

 

Many thanks for your help ;)

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

You could have (for example!) agreed “repayment once divorce settled, or within 3 years, whichever is soonest” to avoid the “don’t have to repay yet, divorce not yet finalised” scenario, though it is easier to be ‘wise after the event’.
 

If you are demanding repayment before the duty to repay has arisen, then yes, you must be careful you aren’t seen to be harassing her.

 

You can’t unilaterally change the agreement from “repayment once divorce settled” to “repayment before”, even if it has taken longer than you anticipated, if you didn’t put a finite ‘long-stop’ date as part of the agreement.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Private investigators have no pwers at all, their powers are the same as yours. They do however have a lot more knowledge and experience than you in how to find people legally without getting arrested for stalking!

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/02/2021 at 13:08, BazzaS said:

You could have (for example!) agreed “repayment once divorce settled, or within 3 years, whichever is soonest” to avoid the “don’t have to repay yet, divorce not yet finalised” scenario, though it is easier to be ‘wise after the event’.
 

If you are demanding repayment before the duty to repay has arisen, then yes, you must be careful you aren’t seen to be harassing her.

 

You can’t unilaterally change the agreement from “repayment once divorce settled” to “repayment before”, even if it has taken longer than you anticipated, if you didn’t put a finite ‘long-stop’ date as part of the agreement.

 

Thanks for your reply and help. I understand what your saying and these agreements were verbal or by text. It looks like find her address is something i need to concentrate on for now. ;)

 

On 25/02/2021 at 14:36, Ethel Street said:

Private investigators have no pwers at all, their powers are the same as yours. They do however have a lot more knowledge and experience than you in how to find people legally without getting arrested for stalking!

 

 

 

Thanks for your reply i hope it does not come to that but as it has been said it might not be an affordable option. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 Caggers

    No registered users viewing this page.


  • Have we helped you ...?


×
×
  • Create New...