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CAFCASS and Grandparents

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Good morning all. I have an issue I’m hoping someone can reassure me on. But it’s a long one so bare with me.


2010 step son was born

2010 he was taken from social services off mother, his father was in the falklands and couldn’t be flown back.

Grandparents took him in until dad came home.

Then said to him let him stay here, focus on your career, get yourself a house then move him.


2010-2014- dad got a house, refused to move him.

Arguments happened weekly when he collected him.

Refused to hand him over, gparent created a scene so sometimes he just had to leave.

Grandad said to his own child he wishes he never had a son.


2014 - he met me, I have a son from previous.

They babysat my son one weekend, but he was brought back crying as he and other child broke bed by pretending to make it into a tractor.

The man asked me if I’m struggling with him.

He now isn’t allowed there. 


We started the conversation of moving him in with us.

His dad told him to get him moved with us, but when his mum kicked off, he said he didn’t say that and defended her.

Ended in mediation and they said if it goes to court we will get granted child

2016 he moved in with us.


They continued to see him fortnightly - we weren’t on talking terms, full of tension and toxicity.

We moved area and this continued.

We looked at the situation and decided to make it better for the children

(although they only see one, we have one between us now born 2016)


we would put what has happened in the past and let them into our home.

my eldest was always begging to go with them for the weekend and was always shut down,

they show no interest in my youngest.


There is a lot of resentment between the siblings.

The chosen one gets spoilt rotten on weekends,

comes back with loads of toys which he refuses to share or let anyone touch,

he doesn’t speak to anyone when he comes back.

Slowly after time, t

he time they saw him gradually drifted out. 


Bringing it to now after lots more went on,

chosen child went to there house for half term.

Came home and I could see he had been crying.

Asked him what was wrong.


Nana has asked if he wanted to live with them again, and if he was happy.

Husband messaged to ask why, they denied.

So he said no contact on tour own anymore.


They didn’t speak to child until May then straight out asked if he wanted to go for a weekend (this is how he always ended up going, they never asked us first)

so husband told them You never listen or address issues we raise, you have come between our family, we have 3 sons not one. Don’t message us again. 

court application went in and were due on court 14/10/19. Cafcass are ringing today.


the grandmother has had her friend message Bradley.

They have also been stopped from seeing other grandchildren for the same reasons, were the only ones going to court.

The chosen one has said since he hasn’t seen them he feels more part of the family.

His relationship with his own mum has improved due to not having the nana asking negative questions.

Our whole family dynamic has improved. 

Do you really think any court with grant weekends, visits and phone calls to someone who has chosen only one child and allow them to separate our family? 

they will 100% get off on this.

There narcissist, toxic and extremely manipulative!

They even rang and said to son does she know we’re on the phone does she mind! 

help guys please 

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Hello and welcome to CAG. That's quite a read.


I'm afraid I'm not clear what you would like our help with, can you tell us please?


Best, HB

Illegitimi non carborundum




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I just want reassurance.

Which I know is a bit difficult as no one know what a judge thinks.


But would they really split the children and allow chosen one to go for weekends etc?

And how can we put this all across to Cafcass without sounding like we’re on a witch hunt?

My husband has said if they grant it,

he certainly won’t be handing him over as he wants nothing to do with them and to never see them again. 

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Have you spoken with Cafcass at all?



Illegitimi non carborundum




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CAFCASS are ringing this afternoon. I have written loads of notes and things I want to bring up, but have no idea what they actually want to hear.


They won’t at this point even be aware of the other children. 

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Notes are a good idea, should help you to organise your thoughts.


I don't know what they'll ask either but try to stick to facts and not start throwing accusations around.



Illegitimi non carborundum




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At the FHDRA do they attempt to see if any resolution can happen there and then.

I’ve said to my husband if we at least say indirect contact then we are still able to be there if anything does go wrong and end if something gets said. 

he is adamant he wants to stick to no contact at all!

But I’m sure it’s better to at least offer something.

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