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perplexedofdorset

Advice needed ... re Potential Divorce

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Im very sorry to be posting this but Im getting increasingly worried about my current situation and prospective future and need some real advice.

I know you can get a free 30  minutes consultation with a solicitor but am very wary of that route.

So the story, are we sitting comfortably then I will begin .....

 

My husband and I got together in September 2004 (we had known each other many years before at various intervals)

He lived in my flat (which I owned outright) and insisted that he pay his fair share of the bill.s 

I was self sufficient with a part time job , could afford the household expenses but agreed.

 

In June 2006 we married, a small affair but perfect (I hate debt and have never been in it)

 

In December 2006 we got a small (£55 K ) mortgage using my credit history and the money from the sale of my flat as a deposit,

we moved to a modest house and have lived there ever since.

 

During our time together I have always worked part time and we have always had separate money.

 

In 2014 he formed a small company of which I am a 'director' but my 'wages' go straight into the houses bank account to pay the household bills 

and the rest of the companies monies were his to spend. 

I used my wages from my part time job to pay for my needs;  haircuts, contact lenses, hobbies etc. 

 

Fast forward through the years to January 2018 .

I have just been made redundant from my job of 8 years and my husband suddenly decided he wanted a change of lifestyle

Having got to know him over the years I knew that he would do this whether or not I agreed so I let him go his way,

however right from the first I stated that he could have some fun doing this but there was no way I could or would live with him as a woman full time ...

 

Can you see what it is yet?????

 

During the intervening year and 3 months he has increasingly lived like a single 20 something girl going out as often as he possibly can to bars and clubs until the ... I would say wee hours of the morning, but its shocking how late (or is it early) that  these establishments stay open to, coming home drunk and finally 2 months short of our 13th wedding anniversary, he says he wants to separate for a while as we were not getting along very well.

 

I ask him to leave, get hold of the keys to the house and off he trots into the (tequila) sunrise.

 

Since then, April 5th, I have seen him 3 or 4  times, when he has wanted to come and collect stuff,

These short meetings do not go well.

He says he will be honourable to me, will not leave the house financially insecure but I'm worried.

True at the beginning of May he paid in an amount of money to the house account,

but that is the only first month that he has been totally absent ...

Will he continue to do so, as the guilt of doing this  wears off.

 

My friends urge me to seek legal advice, to divorce him but Im so scared ....

 

Everything I have ever had or own is in the house and Im terrified I will be forced to sell it to give him a share of it,

We have no children, I have no money,  am not able to register for benefits (as I am a 'director' of his company)

and as my redundancy money has gone I am now completely reliant on him to fund the house

 

He is very keen to avoid lawyers, would prefer to move back in and co habit.

 

Can I have some advice please?

 

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It's a complex situation so not easy to help.

 

Because you are a director, does not mean that you are not entitled to any benefits. Entitlement is based on your capital and income.

You can do a benefit check online to see what you are entitled to:

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

 

What's the term left on the mortgage, are you joint tenants or tenants in common? Do you want to divorce or not? What exactly do you want to know?

 

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Local help needs to be obtained. Complicated divorce will require legal help from a Solicitors that handles divorces. 

 

Also to register a Universal Credit as soon as possible. If any problems to seek help from Citizens Advice.


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The mortgage (what there was of it) was  paid off a few years ago ( by massively overpaying each month and going without holidays, evenings out, fun etc) and the house is in my name.

 

I shall look into universal credit but was always told, by him, that as I was a 'director' of the company and being 'paid' ... ie the money for the household  bills ... I would not be able to claim unemployment.

 

I have however applied for reduced council tax ... I did this a week or so after he left and all I have heard so far was a request for his forwarding address, which I have supplied.

Since I applied I have paid one months full council tax ... Do they backdate your claim and take any overpayments (in my case almost £50 per month) off an amended bill?

 

Thank you for replying, I feel incredibly isolated and alone at the moment.

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News! I have just received an amended council tax bill ... That was quick.

Do you think they contacted him and he replied or are just taking my word for it?

 

Whilst a good thing, It sort of makes this horrible situation more real and my heart is breaking ...

but no, that does not in any way mean I want him back ... well him from a year or three ago yes, but not the thing he has become.

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Hopefully it's an omen, perplexed. :)  How are you doing with universal credit?

 

HB


Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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12 hours ago, perplexedofdorset said:

The mortgage (what there was of it) was  paid off a few years ago ( by massively overpaying each month and going without holidays, evenings out, fun etc) and the house is in my name.

 

As you are married and have been living together, if you divorce, he is likely to have a beneficial interest in the property even though the house is in your name. You also have a beneficial interest. His beneficial interest is a proportion of the equity in the property and so is yours. That proportion is calculated by a number of factors. The deposit from the sale of your flat will be considered and other contributions to the household while you lived together. Your beneficial interests could be split 65:35 for example in your favour.

 

He could decide that he doesn't want his beneficial interest and give it to you. You can make an amicable agreement together but to make that legally binding, you need a consent order.

 

If he claims his beneficial interest and you want to keep the property, you would need to' buy him out' or pay him his beneficial interest. That can be agreed with a consent order too.

 

If you cannot agree what your beneficial interests are,  you would need to apply for a financial order where a judge would decide in family court. At this point, if you cannot pay any beneficial interest he is awarded, you may need to sell the property in order to release the equity. You then can buy another property with your equity if you want to.

 

Either way, you would need to speak to a family solicitor and either agree to a consent order or apply for a financial order.

 

You can carry on as you are but he could claim his beneficial interest at a later date. Although it will diminish in the long term and as the house is in your name, he may lose it altogether eventually.

Edited by Will Goodfellow

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8 hours ago, perplexedofdorset said:

News! I have just received an amended council tax bill ... That was quick.

Do you think they contacted him and he replied or are just taking my word for it?

 

Did you claim the 25% discount only? If so, you need to claim a council tax reduction too if you have no or low income.

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Hi

 

As you are a Director of the Small Company have a wee look at this link:

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dividing-business-interests-on-divorce-or-dissolution


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I cannot give any advice by PM - If you provide a link to your Thread then I will be happy to offer advice there.

I advise to the best of my ability, but I am not a qualified professional, benefits lawyer nor Welfare Rights Adviser.

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Universal credit is called Universal as it is for people in work and not in work. So there is no stigma attached to it.  

 

When the claim is set up, there are no signing on appointments every 2 weeks. Just appointments at regular intervals to check how your work search is going and offering any help needed. 

 

And if you did start a small part time job, you keep the Universal Credit claim and it is adjusted to take into account earnings, so you may still receive some UC payment.

 

Also get the Council Tax reduction claim submitted to your local council, as they often won't backdate too far back, if you qualified for a reduction earlier.


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Baby steps, perplexed. Don't try to do everything at once.

 

HB


Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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I received a letter from a Bournemouth solicitors this morning. I picked it up when I came home from the Docs, filling the car and shopping.

My blood ran cold, my vision turned red ... I thought He cant .... Divorce me ... I have done nothing wrong! 

Is that right?????
I sat down and after a  hefty gulp or three of my gin I took a deep breath and opened it ... 

The relief was immense, overwhelming ... It was to do with my Auntie Helen's Estate.

She passed away on the 30th April, I went to the funeral on Tuesday (alone) and she had left me the two (valueless) paintings that always captivated me when I visited her.

 

Hes thrown away 15 years together and almost 13 years of marriage and Im having to cope with everything on my own (seriously on my own ... No family and few friends, none of whom are close) and its crucifying me .

He calls  up and asks if Im ok once a week or so ..

What hes really asking is Can I absolve him of his actions .... NO IM NOT OK!. 

Edited by perplexedofdorset

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Perplexed, have you talked to your GP about how you're feeling? He or she should be able to get you some moral support in the form of counselling.

 

HB


Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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Yes,  I had just come back from him when I found the letter.

He was very sympathetic and as far as he can be, being happily married, understanding.  He is also my husbands doctor so was fully aware of the situation.

He offered me counselling which I declined as I loathe crying in front of strangers (tho that didnt stop me yesterday) and a script for an anti depressant, which I accepted but dont think I will fill.

 

Question: Can he divorce me when I have done nothing wrong ?????

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It isn't generally about whose fault the split is, perplexed, and there are plans to move to a 'no fault' divorce at some point. Here's some information from HMG and the CAB.

 

https://www.gov.uk/divorce

 

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/

 

HB


Illegitimi non carborundum

 

 

 

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As I'm in the house I have access to all (I think) of most of his documents.

 

What do I need to make copies of and in which years to protect me, if I have to go the legal route, in case  if he decides to take them out of the house????

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4 hours ago, perplexedofdorset said:

What do I need to make copies of and in which years to protect me, if I have to go the legal route, in case  if he decides to take them out of the house????

 

What is it that you want to protect yourself from? There seems to be no doubt that he is entitled to equity from the property, whether he decides to pursue that or not is up to him. There is not much that you can do to stop that if he decides he wants to claim his beneficial interest. Maybe you can speak to him and find out what his intentions are, that way you can be more prepared and are not left guessing. If he is not interested in receiving his beneficial interest, ask him to sign a consent order to make it legally bindind, then you can stop worrying about the house.

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