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Ex Husband and Childcare Issues

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Hi All


This is my first time in posting about this topic.


I am a divorced mom with two teenagers.

Up until recently my children were going to their fathers pretty much every weekend.


He is now starting to complain about having them on weekends, and is demanding to change the schedule this is alongside his gf who is shouting the odds about the fact they live together and its her house and they go their because of her goodwill.


I am standing fast and saying no, but this is being met with resistance.

There is a constant request to change nights, and I get no support with my children's teenage behaviours and moods, which can be very stressful at times.

He tells me to sod off and deal with it myself.


I am now living with my new partner (we jointly own our home t

- albeit it is the ex-marital home), and the pressure of not agreeing the child care formally at divorce stage

- including the maintenance is now coming back to haunt me.


My ex and I never had anything in writing when it comes to the children, and he is now resisting, I am at the point of requesting joint care as I can take no more.


He is aggressive and abusive towards me and so is his partner.

I have had vm's left for me and visits to my house, with his gf ranting and shouting the odds.


My partner is telling me to calculate what the actual costs of the children have been since the split, including a portion of the mortgage costs (we were joint mortgagees until I bought him out). His view was that he didn't live there so wasn't paying it!


I am not at the point where I think I need mediation or something!

please can someone offer me some advice?

Edited by Andyorch

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Thread moved to a more appropriate forum...please continue to post here to your thread.





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They are 14 and 15. One has said 50/50 time and the other is going because of me and that I asked her too.


I am going to court tomorrow to apply for a non molestation order to stop my ex and his gf coming near me and to stop the abuse and aggressiveness


Is my Partner correct in saying that I am entitled to claim housing costs for the girls? he said that I am entitled to a refund of loss of money expended on the girls over and above the money that my ex has contributed. I didn't think that was the case? I


My understanding is that my ex is legally obliged to pay towards their costs, but not 50%. Child maintenance say that it is approx. 16% of income before tax and pension contributions - which is some way short of 50%. The rest of their expenditure has been covered by me.


I'm feeling like my head is in a vice really

- as my ex is being difficult and my partner is pushing me to make claims for money etc that he says I am entitled to.


My partner is also saying that my ex would be entitled to equity from the house if he was paying towards the mortgage in order to house his children..

.. am I wrong in thinking that it completely wrong?

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Making claims are an expensive exercise with no guaranteed result so let your partner deal and pay for that as its his suggestion.


With regards to the home.....what was agreed in your divorce settlement ?




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The house did not form part of the Divorce settlement, there was no financial arrangements / agreements made. he stopped paying anything the day he moved out.


We wanted it done quickly and without fuss.

We were amicable at the time, and there were no issues.


My ex wanted nothing to do with the house.

He signed it to me with an agreement that I would pay him a lump sum.

I have monies about to come to me which I will forward to him as agreed in settlement of the house


. If I sold the house at the time he would have been entitled to c.£12k,

I offered him £25k which he accepted and is about to be transferred to him.


NOT IDEAL I KNOW - but it was what we agreed.


No, there is nothing in writing

- it was a verbal agreement that was made between us.

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Well just to put your partners mind at rest ask him to sign and acknowledge the payment is sent in F&FS of the matrimonial home and that he has no further claim.


Is there still a mortgae and was it joint ?


Is he still in the title deeds Land Registry ?

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ok - I will do that.

The money is due to come down in the next few weeks.

Once that is received I will get the document you referred to done.


No he is not on the mortgage.

I remortgaged last year and he agreed to sign it over to me,

my ex was not interested,

he wanted off the mortgage,

he wanted nothing to do with it,

kept threatening to put the house on the market behind my back,

all he wanted to get his own house with his new wife.

he is also not on the title deeds.


I didn't take too much legal advice on it at the time of the divorce


, my solicitor at the time explained that I could not necessarily be forced to sell the house,


although my ex did have an obligation to pay a mortgage that his name was on, but he refused on the basis that he didn't live there and I didn't want any further arguments with him about it.


I could afford the mortgage, and knew that once we agreed a settlement I was ok and relatively secure.

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my partner is not happy about the situation. hes concerned that my ex has a hold on the house - which he doesn't....


I don't want to have to go into the detail with my partner, it was something that was between me and my ex, and I don't like having to revisit it because of a war about the childrens care.


where do I stand with that?


I am about to go to court to get an injunction to stop my ex and his gf from coming near me / my partner again


I could do with some advice about my positon with regards to childcare and my ex obligation to provide for them


Please can anyone offer any childcare / legal custody help in my case.


I'm feeling very flat on my luck atm


help please

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Let me make this clear from the outset. I am no expert. All I can do is pass on my daughters experience with her ex.



My daughter ended up needing solicitor advice and representation. As she hadn't reported her ex to the police for mental abuse, she couldn't claim legal aid so had to find a brief who would engage with a payment plan. If your ex is causing you mental issues, make a report to the police. They may pay him a visit. Just keep the proof. Voice messages, emails, texts etc.



Arguing over childcare should never happen but some people use them as a stick to beat you with. Mediation is a good idea-IF he is willing to participate as this is cheaper than taking court action.




As your children are now able to make decisions for themselves, could you discuss with them what they want in greater detail than you already have. Your ex should be responsible for maintenance as he is the absent parent and if he is working then he should be paying. I don't think it matters that he has them at weekends. If you cannot agree sums then the CSA it is although (the last I heard) they will charge your ex 20% for their overheads and you 4%. This is from a couple of years ago so things may have changed.



Just a thought, if the police do get involved, they may be able to deter him from calling you and sending messages and this may work without you going to court. I'm not sure you could get legal aid either as you 'own' your own home.



If push comes to shove, you may need to take court action to stop him behaving like a complete idiot. If he truly wants to get more access than he does, let him take the action first.



Sorry I can't be more helpful.



ps. My daughters ex is still an idiot and leaves his youngest son (11) home alone for hours whilst he goes to work while the older one doesn't like going over that much anymore and as for maintenance-Hah-what a joke

Edited by Andyorch

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He does want to see the children but on his terms.

he is paying 'more' than Child maintenance would award

- but it is no where near the 50% of the true cost of raising these beautiful young women.


I have called the police, but they will only take a log, they wont take any action at this time.


I have been in touch with a mediator, who had advised not to progress a non molestation order at this time

- that of mediation fails to go to court at that juncture as it would carry more weight.


my current partner wants me to make a claim for all child expenses incurred since the split and up until the my daughter are of an age.


I think this is pointless - and will prove to be a waste of my energy.

The whole experience is just debilitating.


my ex has a new wife, and its her house, and she is the one shouting the odds


my ex is due a payout from the marital home, and he is making waves about that

- I'm worried that the whole situation is about to cause me issues that I cannot cope with



can anyone add to this advice please?



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I'm sorry, I'm not following. You've had comments on this thread, please could you summarise which issues you don't think have been addressed?


It might be easier to number the issues so it helps people to follow and advise you.



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I thought people had given what guidance they could. I've flagged your thread to see if the site team can add to their previous advice.


Have you had a face to face chat with anyone like the CAB or a lawyer?



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Pers i'd not be giving him any ruddy lump some yntil he pays his way IN YOUR MIND s way


Else deduct what you reasonably feel is correct for now and the future

And tell him to take you to court if he doesnt like it!!


Then the truth will out!!

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I agreed to the money for my ex. It was part of the deal in transferring the house. Would be unfair to go back on that.


I’m fed u of trying to get my ex to man up. His gf caking the odds

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And you think that it's not unfair for him not to pay childcare costs etc?


I'd go with dx100uk's idea after consulting with your own solicitor.


To my mind, if the house sells for, (to keep the maths simple) let's say £100,000 and you're entitled to £50,000 each. Childcare costs & maintenance already owed and future comes to £49,950.


He walks away with enough to drown his sorrows :lol:



Sounds perfectly fair to me. :thumb:

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I gotta love you guys!


He pays child maintenance though. More than he should. I get 100 per week. I should minimum get 67


Can I really be entitled to money from the house? I agreed to pay him a ump sum. He already signed over the house. What would a judge say?

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