Employment help

[Archie1963]

I have been working for my current employer for 14 months

 

I work in a small team, one of my colleagues suffers really bad with anxiety and I have been very supportive to her

 

Last week I was called into a meeting and advised that I treat my colleague as a victim and told that she acts like a victim,

I was told I was not to take my lunch break with her.

 

On Friday of last week we were told we were not allowed to speak to each other

 

Can someone advise me if this is even allowed ?

[Bazooka Boo]

Who is the employer?

 

Did they state what would happen if you ignored their crass advice?

 

AFAIK it's not for your employer to tell you who you can and can't talk to????

[honeybee13]

Archie, you don't need to name the employer. On other forums this is fine, but I would keep your thread anonymous.

 

HB

[Archie1963]

No they did not say what would happen but I'm still reeling from it I cannot understand how they could enforce it

[Archie1963]

Is it something that employers can do ?

[sgtbush]

In short, they cant enforce it.

It sounds like an "advisory meeting"

Their is no " if you do this.... This could happen"

Reading between the lines it sounds like your work colleague has made either a complaint or at least raised a concern to management.

She suffers from anxiety.

You may think your being supportive but she, because of her condition may perceive it as overpowering and cant deal with it.

 

You need to know your audience.

 

Best advice is to stop communicating.

If you dont she may, if I'm reading her right make a formal complaint and your in a different ball park with your employer.

 

What you think as supportive, she may perceive as intimidating.

Be careful

[Archie1963]

she hasn't submitted a complaint at all we are good friends she is absolutely shocked to that they are trying to enforce this why would anyone think that I would be overpowering

[sgtbush]

I didn't say she did submit a complaint.

She could of been overheard talking to someone else and your employer overheard it and knowing that she suffers from anxiety, think that comments made are inappropriate.

It doesn't matter if they were or were not.

Its a perception.

[Archie1963]

No that's not the case at all she is completely shocked as we both are the meeting I had was my 121 that was called last minutec

[sgtbush]

Then ask for the minutes of the meeting you had and go to your union rep.

Employer is overstepping the mark

[Archie1963]

Thankyou I have a completed outcome meeting form and I will follow up with HR they do not have a work union rep unfortunately

[sgtbush]

HR dont have a union rep?

Do you mean you dont have a union rep?

Nothing to do with HR.

You can always reject the "advice" and I use that term lightly from the meeting and go to ACAS

[Archie1963]

Sorry I mean we do not have a union rep

I was going to follow up with HR

[Sidewinder]

Yes - follow up with HR and ask for them to highlight any specific clause in your contract under which you may be required to not communicate or have a friendship with a particular colleague

 

Otherwise can they please explain how they think any such request may be justifiable - ie are there any reasons which have not been explained as to why such a request is in anybody's interest?

 

Be careful however - providing that there are reasons which you are unaware of (and even some which they are not at liberty to discuss due to privacy issues) you could be accused of 'failing to follow a reasonable instruction'. It may be that your 'support' of your colleague is seen as unproductive to your own workload, or disruptive to the wider business. The truth is that with only 14 months employment the employer would not have to look too far at all to get rid of you just for being difficult, but in terms of whether the request made here is 'reasonable' you should be entitled to ask for clarity

[ericsbrother]

it is clear from the opening post that others see this differently to you and perhaps,

in a small team it is seen as interfering with the cohesion of the group and being less productive.

 

 

Somebody who you work with very closely has made a complaint and when that was ignored complained some more forcing your employer to appear to be doing something.

 

 

Even if the instruction to stop speaking is nonsense and initially not enforced you can bet that the person who complained will be back on to management again complaining that the instruction is being ignored.

 

 

Now, they might get fed up hearing about this and decide that someone has to go just to keep the peace. Make sure it isnt you

[Archie1963]

Wow I'm amazed as to what people are reading into this

I have to say that I thought I would receive more information and support

Why would my employer want to get rid of me?

My colleague and I have a really great working relationship but she suffers with anxiety, and I have supported her with that as I would do any other colleague

There is nothing that suggests that there has been any complaints , the manager who raised this is very new to the role.

I'm shocked that people on this forum have not been more surprised about what I've said but I know myself that this isn't right I just thought someone else may agree

Thanks though for the advice you have given

[sgtbush]

Oh and you don't want an outcome letter, you want the transcript of the meeting.

If there I no transcript, it was not formal and cannot be used against you

[sgtbush]

Edited, double posted

[sgtbush]

Archie, your not getting the point that is trying to be explained.

 

New manager observes you talking to female employee who has anxiety issues.

Your "support" could be construed as leading or at worst passive aggressive bullying.

Even if its not your intention.

Even if its not true its the perception of the act, its how it is viewed by a third party.

 

Look at it from the other side.

Manager sees a confident strong willed person giving advice in a loud way to a introverted shy retiring employee with known anxiety issues.

Duty of care goes to the lady to make sure she is ok.

[dx100uk]

urm...

https://www.consumeractiongroup.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?433578-Formal-Grievance-Investigatory-Meeting

[sgtbush]

So same sort of situation arose in a former employment and now the same sort of thing is happening in current....

To quote DX,

Urm....!!!.

 

I think one needs to look within oneself for the answers you seek.

 

A good metaphor is

 

When you die, you dont know your dead but those around you do.

When your passive aggressive you dont know your passive aggressive but those around you do.

[Ethel Street]

If there I no transcript, it was not formal and cannot be used against you

 

There's no requirement for a full transcript to be made of formal disciplinary or grievance meetings. ACAS guidance is here http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4265

 

I've been in many such meetings and there has never been a transcript and no employment lawyer on either side has ever suggested that made the meeting's decisions invalid or unenforceable

[Archie1963]

Thanks for your help but I can see that sgt bush has other ideas for the reasoning behind the advice I sought by posting a previous post leading readers to assume that what I have posted is in some way warranted

 

I posted on here as I have received great advice before,

but has this site now become full of users wanting to cause people blame

and upset for swirl issues they find themselves in

 

I have to add that the meeting I had was a 121 and it was on this meeting I was told that this person acts like a victim and I treat her like one

 

I was told that I cannot have my breaks with her

I have asked for clarification on this as we are very close friends at work,

she is also the CEOs daughter which doesn't mean anything to us

 

I am really confused as to why sgt bush is reading more into the situation

[sgtbush]

I have no "other ideas"

I'm simply pointing out that your intentions and I'm sure they are honourable, can be perceived in a completely different way to the intent

[Archie1963]

why did you feel the need to post my previous post

totally unhelpful

 

I have to say your response and what you did points to you making an assumption that is completely unwarranted

 

There are people on here who support and guide people to do the right thing but you my friend do no appear to be one of them

 

I will seek advice from elsewhere

 

thank you to those people who were trying to be helpful