False allegations of sexual harrasment and grooming of children

[ravesafe]

Hi guys,

 

havnt posted on here for a long time but i am so angry about the way i was treated in my previous job i really need some advice:

 

background

 

in Feb i started a temp role in a call centre. the role was until the end of june but the company took on employees who had performed well etc. Because of this i worked 6 ten hour days for over 3 months with the hope of obtaining a full time job.

 

the company also employed young adults aged 16 and 17. Having worked with young people before, i enjoyed sitting next to them and discussing their plans for the future etc. the company also employs staff aged 18 - 65, there is only a small percentage of under 18 staff.

 

I was called into my managers office who informed me that she was concerned that i was being inappropriate with my comments to the young adults especially girls. when i asked for a further explanation, i was informed that she overheard me asking one of them what they had for dinner the night before. My manager stated that she considered this comment asking them out on a date.

 

I explained that i believed that it was a harmless question which i asked all colleagues when i saw them. i also explained that i had worked with and mentored young people before in my previous role and i was simply making conversation with my colleagues. my manager did not believe me, informed me that i was a "grown man and i shouldnt be talking to young girls"

 

This comment caused me a great deal of distress and anxiety as i could not believe someone in a management position could jump to a conclusion without obtaining all the facts. i felt that my reputation had been damaged by her comments.

 

I was frequently ostracised and forced to sit on my own for weeks as well as being ignored and subjected to bullying my team leaders. this caused me to go to the doctors as i was starting to develop symptoms of depression.

 

several of my coworkers would still talk to me and come to me for advice with personal issues.

 

i tried once more to speak to my manager and discuss that treatment i had recieved. I was told would have to make up the time if i wished to ave a meeting with her.

 

during this time another male worker who is the same age as me (30) began a relationship with a 17 year old girl who was also in care. the male cowokers ex wife was also a team leader in the call centre and would frequently arrange the seating plan so he would be sat next to young girls. nothing was done and no actio was taken agianst the male coworker.

 

The coworkers ex wife would freqently speak to me about her ex husband and how she still loves him etc i would offer advise and we became close. We would leave notes on each other desk which we found funny.

 

i found another job and handed my notice in.

 

on the morning of the beggining of my last shift i recieved a phone call from work to say i am not requred to come in this week as i had sexually harrased a "senior member of staff" (co workers ex wife) i was told that the note i had left her was sexual harrasment and would not be required to work and therefore loose a weeks pay.

 

 

 

I asked to speak to the head of HR and explained the following on the phone:

 

 

the senior member of staff had left similar notes for me which i found amusing.

 

she had added me on facebook shortly after i put the first note on her desk several weeks previous

 

the head of HR had repeatedly stated "senior member of staff" which implied that if this had happened to a tem, no action would have been taken

 

she was aware of the grooming of a 17 year old girl in care by the ex husband of the complainant and no action was taken

 

i had been victimised and made to feel like a sexual predator despite no evidence, complainants of investigation

 

the head of HR raised her voice on the phone and stated "Its none of your business" which i replied she was aware of the grooming and she should have been ashamed of herself. i ended the call.

 

I then sent and email to her outlining all of the above.

 

2 hours later, i received an email stating i would be paid for the rest of the week.

 

I considered this the end of the matter but i am concerned that if i have to use this company for a reference, they will include the false allegations.

 

I am considering 2 options at the moment:

 

 

1) do nothing unless they provide and inaccurate reference to any potential future employers.

 

2) sent a letter to the CEO with copies of all emails and notes explaining the situation and asking him to investigate the grooming and not to put anything detrimental on any reference.

 

I really cant get ovet the way i was treated there, the coworker has been given a full time job and effectively a license to groom who he wants (he never goes for women his own age)

 

i beleive they paid me for my last week without me attending as a form of hush money???

 

i have been made to feel like a criminal for an allegation that could have been proven false if a proper investigation was held.

 

I do not want any form of compensation and i know an apology will never happen, i am trying to cover my ass and hopefully make life very uncomfortable for the managers and senior staff who chose to make my life hell.

 

I am now in a better job with more money and less hours. i make more money than the seniors staff in the call centre.

 

 

im really after some advice on what other would do in my situation???

 

sorry for the rushed post, now off to start my shift in a lovely country school where they do things properly!!

 

regards

 

Edited July 18, 2017 by honeybee13
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[unclebulgaria67]

Given length and nature of your post, people will be put off from replying.

 

A few points.

 

References are very brief for legal reasons. It will be x worked for x company between x date and y date in x role. They are very unlikely to comment further or complete reference questionnaires sent to them.

 

You are probably best advised to forget about a bad experience and work hard for your new company. Sounds like an awful company

 

You must learn from this experience, as to how people you don't know well might perceive you differently to those who know you better. Your friendly banter about ordinary everyday matters might be seen as chatting up colleagues. Getting involved with conversations about other colleagues, particularly ex wifes/partners, is not a good idea and made worse if you pass notes around. Suggest you don't get involved in personal discussions. Just stick to work issues and everyday topics that others are discussing that don't represent any risk. If this makes you more boring and less friendly, then that is the world we are in.

[sangie5952]

Sorry but you need to forget this and move on. Preferably learning some lessons from it. Starting with, whatever anyone may think of the circumstances, a 17 year old woman in the workplace is over the age of legal consent and may sleep with who she likes. It is not grooming, it is not illegal, and it is none of your business what choices she or any other colleagues make. And leaving notes on desks of anyone, senior or not, that are not strictly work related, is a bad idea. Don't mix work with social life - it isn't a club, and unless it is a formal role as part of your job, providing mentoring or advice or counselling are not things to be done with colleagues.

 

I think it is highly unlikely that the manager just happened to overhear some comment - I suspect that the young woman complained to her about intrusive questions, and the apparent overhearing was an excuse to allow her complaint not to be identified. And the only person who could have complained about the notes was the person themselves, so again, that appears to be something that you misread.

 

I'm sorry, and I fully expect you don't want to hear this, but I think you need to take a long, hard look at the way you conduct yourself with colleagues. I am sure that you didn't mean any ill intentions, but these things were obviously taken very differently. To have it happen once is a misunderstanding. To have it happen twice suggests that something in the way you interact with people is causing legitimate concern.

 

And can I please point out again - it is none of your business what two consenting adults do, whatever their respective ages. Making allegations of grooming is, and you are quite correct on this, a very serious matter - and no grooming is going on, so you need to stop making allegations like this.

 

I think you need to draw a line under this, but please, in future, think about the fact that your purpose in going to work is to earn money - you need to be more cautious about how you relate to others and how they perceive that. That doesn't mean you can't talk to people or make friends at work - but from what toy have said here I think you have tried to hard, and that had been badly misinterpreted.

[Emmzzi]

I'm not having a pop, but you have a previous thread, all be it some time ago, about false allegations.

 

Is it possible that you are not great at boundaries/ following instructions? Some folk get on better working for themselves.

 

Just a thought.

[king12345]

After years of being "myself" at work and many false allegations because I don't like cover up bad behaviour and crimes, I decided to not be myself at work.

Now I go in, cause as many trouble as possible by strictly sticking to the employee handbook rules, don't chit chat with anyone and when someone comes to my office with any request the answer is always "No, get lost".

End result is that management leaves me well alone because I'm trouble and they target easy prey.

Colleagues leave me alone too so they avoid moaning at me because their husband/wife is banging the postman/woman.

Also I'm never asked about anything that happens because my answer is always the same: "I have no recollection of this event" even if it happened in front of me 10 minutes earlier.

I go home fresh, no trouble and happy.

Surely I would prefer to be myself, have a joke and a laugh with colleagues, work with the managers as a team player and act with courtesy and integrity.

Unfortunately nowadays this sort of clean and innocent behaviour is condemned, so I act as a complete ass and they leave me alone.

Somehow most colleagues respect me, probably because they have known be before the change and they know it's all an act.

The good old days...

[unclebulgaria67]

As the world changes you move with it. If you don't then you will face problems. What was considered office banter say 20 years ago, is now seen as not appropriate. As each generation joins a company, they are very different to the previous generation. What might have been funny to you, is no longer funny to some younger people. Also the way you behave has to make everyone feel comfortable and people are all different. If the OP has seemingly caused problems with colleagues, it might be that their personality has been misunderstood.

 

Best to keep it professional and courteous. I.e a robot with personality on request,

[sangie5952]

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

Whether for good or ill, work is a different place.

You need to adapt, and things have changed.

 

 

When I started working racism was still called normal and the word sexism hadn't been invented I don't think.

Bullying didn't exist, but my dad did explain to me the proper procedure for dealing with harassment - kick him in the nuts!

 

 

This does mean that what "person" we are in the workplace needs to be the right one for that workplace

- every single successful worker plays a role in work, and that role changes a little as they move between workplaces.

Things that are accepted in one place are not elsewhere.