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My property in Dad's house


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Hi,

 

Long story short, I moved out of my Dad's house around 8 years ago. It was the only place I'd lived until then, so I accumulated a bunch of stuff in the attic, as kids and teens do. Since then I went no contact due to verbal/mental abuse from him. That was about 5 years ago.

 

I've since moved away to another part of the country and have not been back. In the summer last year I had an (unpleasant) message saying I had to remove my junk from the attic or they'd be thrown out. I replied and said they could be thrown out.

 

I heard nothing until the other day when another nasty message was sent demanding I remove stuff from the attic myself, because he's in no shape to do it, so I have to.

 

At the end he basically threatened me with taking it further if I didn't come and get my stuff. No mention of throwing it out, I have to come and get it.

 

I don't want to go there personally and get my stuff because it won't go well and this will be used as an excuse to "get" at me. Without going into it, I can't help but think this isn't actually about the stuff, but more about getting me there so a fight can be caused. I'd get someone else to remove the stuff, but I wouldn't put it past him not to let them in and I'd be stuck with the bill.

 

I dont care if it's all thrown out, but obviously I don't want him coming after me legally. What can I do? Can he do anything given I've already granted permission for it to be disposed of and he's refusing to accept any other than me removing it myself.

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I don't think he can come after you legally, unless there was some signed tenancy agreement, in which you agreed to pay such costs to have your possessions removed from the house. I cannot think of any legal basis where a parent can make family members pay for removal of goods from a house.

 

If you are not bothered about the items left in the house, then just ignore him.

We could do with some help from you.

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You don't HAVE to do anything. Ignoring is a valid option, but he may keep bringing it up.

 

You could CHOOSE to say/offer:

a) you previously gave permission for it to be thrown away instead of kept, so you have no obligation now.

b) you won't under any circumstances be willing to go there,

c) as a means of bringing this to a final closure, you are willing to pay for "a man and van", for it to be removed and disposed of, up to "x" amount. Your father to arrange this, and on receipt of a copy of the invoice you'll pay up to "x", up until date "y".

d) Other than this you consider the matter dealt with and closed : no other correspondence / discussion will be entered into regarding it.

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Sorry to hear about the situation.

 

I cannot think of any legal basis for a claim to be made. I would see this as a family matter, not a legal matter.

 

I think you've been more than reasonable by offering to get someone else to collect the stuff. He has no right to insist that you collect the stuff personally. The fact that he refused this suggestion does make it sound like he unfortunately has ulterior motives for requesting the visit which have nothing to do with the junk in the attic.

 

I personally would tell him that he can throw out the stuff if he wants, and leave it at that. There is no obligation on you to collect it.

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Thanks for the responses everyone,

 

There certainly wasn't a tenancy agreement, of any kind, in place when I lived there. He will keep bringing it up, and as soon as I've resolved this to my satisfaction, I am blocking him. This will cut off our last avenue of potential contact but I don't see I have much other choice. He's not capable of not being abusive towards me.

 

My worry is that he could pay someone to have it removed then come after me in the small claims court for the money. That said he doesn't know where I live anymore. He's claiming I have to remove it because it's my stuff, the roof needs fixing, and he's disabled now so says he can't get up there.

 

He told me there are over 25 boxes of stuff up there, even I didn't know that, so I guess someone must have been up there to check that.

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Thanks for the responses everyone,

 

There certainly wasn't a tenancy agreement, of any kind, in place when I lived there. He will keep bringing it up, and as soon as I've resolved this to my satisfaction, I am blocking him. This will cut off our last avenue of potential contact but I don't see I have much other choice. He's not capable of not being abusive towards me.

 

My worry is that he could pay someone to have it removed then come after me in the small claims court for the money. That said he doesn't know where I live anymore. He's claiming I have to remove it because it's my stuff, the roof needs fixing, and he's disabled now so says he can't get up there.

 

He told me there are over 25 boxes of stuff up there, even I didn't know that, so I guess someone must have been up there to check that.

 

There is NO basis for any court claim.

 

If you want this resolved, then why not tell him that you will only remove the boxes from the loft, if he is not at the house at the time.

We could do with some help from you.

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I'm going to comment because this sounds familiar to me so I feel like I understand your pain to a degree. It sounds to me like you have got yourself out of a toxic situation and moved on - well done you! I know how hard that can be. There is no basis for a court claim for you to remove unwanted items, you have advised your relative to dispose of them at their will and it ends there. I feel that the relative has lost their punchbag and all this is about is keeping you around to abuse. Do what you have been advised, block your relative's number and refuse to be bullied by them.

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There is NO basis for any court claim.

 

If you want this resolved, then why not tell him that you will only remove the boxes from the loft, if he is not at the house at the time.

 

Mainly because I'll travel halfway across the country only to find him still there and looking for a fight. He's abusive and can't be trusted to keep his word. I never want to go back there.

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Mainly because I'll travel halfway across the country only to find him still there and looking for a fight. He's abusive and can't be trusted to keep his word. I never want to go back there.

 

So you are stuck then with no solution to even think about. If you sent someone else to the house, he might not let them in, so don't pay any removal company to do this.

We could do with some help from you.

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So you are stuck then with no solution to even think about. If you sent someone else to the house, he might not let them in, so don't pay any removal company to do this.

 

Indeed. I think the only solution he'll accept is me going there in person, which isn't going to happen. He's done this before with my brother, demanded he come get his stuff, then refused to let him in. When I initially moved out he wouldn't let anyone into the house to help me move either.

 

He can be very vindictive and I wouldn't put it past him to pay for a solicitor or small claims court out of spite, even if the money could be better spent just moving the stuff to the skip. The fact it seems he has no basis to do this is reassuring.

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Electronic hugs from me! I agree, stay strong.

 

I would have thought the chances of him actually issuing a small claim must be very low. I can't imagine any solicitor would want to get involved. If he did issue a claim, the hearing would be in your local county court rather than his, so it would be him doing the travelling rather than you.

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Electronic hugs from me! I agree, stay strong.

 

I would have thought the chances of him actually issuing a small claim must be very low. I can't imagine any solicitor would want to get involved. If he did issue a claim, the hearing would be in your local county court rather than his, so it would be him doing the travelling rather than you.

 

That's good to know as it means he wouldn't turn up and (I think) that means I'd win by default. I've had a brief look into small claims court, it doesn't need a solicitor AFAIK, but it does need the name and address of the person you're claiming against, which he doesn't have. He could pay someone to find me as he's done that before for other people he's wanted to track down.

 

I've actually been considering a restraining order to stop him contacting me but I don't know if his messages meets the criteria, even if it is distressing and unwanted.

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That's good to know as it means he wouldn't turn up and (I think) that means I'd win by default. I've had a brief look into small claims court, it doesn't need a solicitor AFAIK, but it does need the name and address of the person you're claiming against, which he doesn't have. He could pay someone to find me as he's done that before for other people he's wanted to track down.

 

I've actually been considering a restraining order to stop him contacting me but I don't know if his messages meets the criteria, even if it is distressing and unwanted.

Yup, no solicitor required. And yes, he would need an address to enter in the court's online system.

 

I don't think what has happened so far would be enough to meet the criteria for a restraining order unfortunately.

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