Partner decided to go

[mikeymack2002]

The Courts may insist on mediation. Have you applied to the Police regarding the access the new man has to your children yet?

 

There are ways you can start this since you are the the responsible parent. Have a read here Prohibited Steps Order under the Children Act 1989. You can also get more info on being the responsible parent here

 

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41

[caro]

You might find good advice on the gingerbread website too which is for single parents.

 

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/content/324/Advice-and-information

[morphster1983]

Hi there.

 

 

Sought a court order so ex can see our children but 121 without her new man or his siblings.

 

 

Also on the order is that children to be returned to family home.

 

 

Another hearing end of next month.

 

 

EX starts a new job tonight working nights an has told judge she is looking for a new home.

Cafcas involved.

 

 

Hoping they will talk to our children as they have expressed to myself an neighbours that they wish to stay here.

 

 

I can provide for them financially an emotionally an have reduced working houra to accommodate a routine for children.

 

 

New partner has three children don't like the idea of my children sharing beds

[mikeymack2002]

Each child should have their own bed to sleep in, you may need to speak to your ex to resolve this or apply to the Court to have over night stays excluded from her rights as a parent. It may seem strong to hear this but the right way forward is to get as much good/bad info that happens in writing and please start a diary about everything and anything.

 

 

Keeping a story book will be of use as well, a story book is like a diary that you and your children can write their thoughts in, you can add photographs to show how they are growing up, maybe letting your children write their feelings down if they are able, this will be of great use for you at a later date, this is highly recommended for you... More tomorrow...

[morphster1983]

Hi Guys to everyone who has given advice so far thank you very much. Just a bit of an update around the situation.

 

Ex Partner arrived Sunday to take all three children out as per agreement with court. Humiliated daughter as she thought the clothes she was wearing was unacceptable. As father I didn't see an issue but mum insisted she go an get changed.

 

Pulled me aside to ask about daughters referral letter to clinic and wondered why I hadn't spoke to her about it. Bearing in mind i never got the letter until Saturday PM and hadn't read it properly myself as yet. Also given the fact Son's immunisations letter was found under the couch unopened clearly she didn't have the maternal instinct before she left.

 

Children insisting that they stay with me at the family home however unable to guarantee this at this time as although CAFCAS involved unknown if they will speak with my two eldest.

 

My parents have been a wealth of support coming around to help me in getting the house more of a home following ex's sudden departure. Ex's parents not even contacted once to enquire how grandchildren are.

 

When she's out with the children she is mentioning her new man and his kids and saying when they get there own place they can go live with her half of the week (Bearing in mind she's told eldest daughter they only got together when she left 3 weeks ago!!!!) Yet Eldest daughter from her new man's daughter that this has been going on for some time.

 

Ex called children tonight to say goodnight and took a sudden interest into my recent health concerns about myself. Also text out of the blue to ask if children settled and asked if I was ok. Can't get my head around her mentality or intentions. Any more thoughts please let me know!

[unclebulgaria67]

Hi Guys to everyone who has given advice so far thank you very much. Just a bit of an update around the situation.

 

Ex Partner arrived Sunday to take all three children out as per agreement with court. Humiliated daughter as she thought the clothes she was wearing was unacceptable. As father I didn't see an issue but mum insisted she go an get changed.

 

Pulled me aside to ask about daughters referral letter to clinic and wondered why I hadn't spoke to her about it. Bearing in mind i never got the letter until Saturday PM and hadn't read it properly myself as yet. Also given the fact Son's immunisations letter was found under the couch unopened clearly she didn't have the maternal instinct before she left.

 

Children insisting that they stay with me at the family home however unable to guarantee this at this time as although CAFCAS involved unknown if they will speak with my two eldest.

 

My parents have been a wealth of support coming around to help me in getting the house more of a home following ex's sudden departure. Ex's parents not even contacted once to enquire how grandchildren are.

 

When she's out with the children she is mentioning her new man and his kids and saying when they get there own place they can go live with her half of the week (Bearing in mind she's told eldest daughter they only got together when she left 3 weeks ago!!!!) Yet Eldest daughter from her new man's daughter that this has been going on for some time.

 

Ex called children tonight to say goodnight and took a sudden interest into my recent health concerns about myself. Also text out of the blue to ask if children settled and asked if I was ok. Can't get my head around her mentality or intentions. Any more thoughts please let me know!

 

Sounds like she is trying to find issues, with a view to raising these if it goes back to court.

 

Re ex' s parents, they may be a bit embarrassed about the situation. If you got on well with them previously, there are no issues where they are likely to take their daughters side, it might be wise to reach out to them. Invite them around to see their grandchildren. Might put you in a good light, clearly showing that you want grandparents to still see the children.

[morphster1983]

The main issue around everything on the entire separation is that the ex decided it was over I had no inkling that anything was wrong and me and our children where perfectly happy. I just don't see how the ex can expect to after 2 months of leaving the family home with me and our children behind she can expect to turn up and say she wants our children back for half of the week. Her new man also has three children so my thoughts are they would be staying over as well and I don't wish for my children to be sharing beds. More so the fact they have a bed each at the family home. School is minutes away from the home and they have a close circle of friends who they get on with really well. I don't believe it's fair for that to be unsettled just because mum decided she wants to go behind dad's back and leave our children in my care 24/7 for 2 months to expect the judge to just agree to this.

[unclebulgaria67]

The main issue around everything on the entire separation is that the ex decided it was over I had no inkling that anything was wrong and me and our children where perfectly happy. I just don't see how the ex can expect to after 2 months of leaving the family home with me and our children behind she can expect to turn up and say she wants our children back for half of the week. Her new man also has three children so my thoughts are they would be staying over as well and I don't wish for my children to be sharing beds. More so the fact they have a bed each at the family home. School is minutes away from the home and they have a close circle of friends who they get on with really well. I don't believe it's fair for that to be unsettled just because mum decided she wants to go behind dad's back and leave our children in my care 24/7 for 2 months to expect the judge to just agree to this.

 

Just make sure you cover yourself. Keep a record of any slight issues she raises, what the actual situation is and how you respond.

 

Sometimes the mother thinks the children should be with them, whatever the new situation is. From what i read, sometimes they are prepared to make accusations to get their way. So having friends and family on your side is important.

[morphster1983]

Hi Guys. Ex partners sister has now decided blood is thicker than water and piling on pressure to me to agree to shared custody of our three children. My concerns are my eldest last night said at 9pm said this is the 4th time in a week mum hasn't phoned to say goodnight. Also visit yesterday was for no more than 30 minutes. At least 20 of this our children were out playing in the street with friends and little interaction with our youngest. I need to go back to work soon to keep my job and therefore wanting to put youngest back into a nursery. I did my research and have decided to place him in a near by one. He likes the setting and I believe it would benefit his development mixing with children his own age. Mum's objecting to this as she works nights and would like to have him instead. The fact the court order says contact will be with the respondent alone suggests that she will take him to her new man which isn't allowed but my son doesn't have a voice. I've advised her that regardless of her thoughts on this he will be attending the nursery. I'm not requesting any financial support from this. I will be 4 weeks tomorrow since mum departed and I've done my best to maintain a healthy balance for our children and doing fun things. I guess I'm just scared despite the fact that I've done my best with the support of my parents to make this house a home and caught up with children's hospital appointments and the fact that she takes our children out for a small amount of time each time yet can spend all afternoon with new man and his kids I feel she can turn back up next month and the judge will side with her regarding shared custody as she's the mother. The fact is though many of broken promises to the children and they have a family home here along with a close circle of friends and school within a few minutes walk I don't feel its fair the children should be uprooted from all this.

[caro]

Make sure you keep a record of every time she had them and every time she lets them down so when it comes to custody you can prove she's not reliable.

[morphster1983]

The main issue is that we have a court order that states contact with the respondent will be with the respondent alone. Yet mum will text night before requesting to take our children our with his children. Not on our agreed day or times. Yet she is branding me as unreasonable

[honeybee13]

Hello there.

 

I imagine this feels terribly unfair. I think all you can do is to express your concerns and keep copious notes as suggested by Caro. This will enable you to show that you're not unreasonable and that she is.

 

I don't know if you can contact the court about the fact that she isn't following the order, sadly I don't have experience of what you're going through.

 

HB

[Leakie]

Honeybee13 and Caro have given good advise,

The diary is important, for the future

 

With regards to the court order, if it were me I would stick to it, you are not being unreasonable,

the court has made the order not you, and they have come to the conclusion the children are better off with you, at this point in time,

If the Ex does not like it she can go back to the court and argue her corner.

I do not know how it will affect future hearings if you do not keep to the court order.

Some one with better knowledge of the law, will correct me if I am wrong

Keep up the good work with the children, I know how hard it is and my ex walked out 18 moths ago.

 

Leakie

[morphster1983]

Hi There, Another broken promise today for my children. Mum was supposed to be taking them swimming today. Changed her mind last night and said they were going to grandparents to a text just before lunchtime to state she was tired after working all night and didn't feel too good. Youngest son last night took ill to which he needed to be reviewed by hospital. I spoke with mum to inform her and to state children were with my parents at the family home whilst I took him up. Kept her in touch regarding his condition. My mum got a nasty text around lunchtime today saying things like she needs to get her tested and to encourage me to get her to come look after her children. Things are getting silly now and ex believes the only thing on the court order is that the children reside with me until we go back to court. Which is wrong. Not getting what I would consider reasonable notice of coming to take children out. When I asked her last night what time she said she didn't know. Clearly I'm making notes and documenting everything. Children were over the moon this week coming home from school stating they had 100% attendance so far. When I questioned why they wouldn't have they said mum used to keep them off at times when I'd left for work early. Surely I can't just sit back and not bring this up before the judge. Also my son's injections, the broken promises. All's I'm trying to do is do right by my children and keep them happy and when we know mum is not due to come over everything is so relaxed. When we know she's due to come for a visit everyone including me becomes stressed out. Just don't feel all this is fair. Next date before court really can't come quick enough

[unclebulgaria67]

You could ask school for copy of attendance, as it might confirm what the children are telling you, that she was keeping them out of school, without notifying school of proper reasons.

[morphster1983]

In response to previous posts I wanted to give an update on the situation to date

 

• This week commencing alone mum had text Sunday lunchtime stating she wasn't feeling too good and tired so could she come tomorrow instead and take children out for tea
  
• Arrived on the Monday very emotional and asked if she could see children in the home as she didn't have much money. Drove her and children to McDonalds and back within 30 minutes she ordered a taxi and went
  
• Text me Tuesday after lunch to say could she see Children wednesday as she was going to sort her new house today. Agreed to this
  
• Text me yesterday (Wednesday) at gone 2pm stating she couldn't come as she was feeling unwell and she would come today
  
• Called me today to ask for my landlords details to relay to new property. Briefly asked how our poorly son was but no mention of a visit today
  
• When children are speaking to mum at evenings to say goodnight the odd occasion she does call her new man is in the background and this is off putting for our children. Mum dismisses this
  

 

Also our son took poorly last weekend and was admitted to hospital. I called her to advise her of this and explained my parents had our other 2 children at my home whilst I took our other child to hospital. She asked if I wanted her to be at the hospital I gave her to choice. She called me at the hospital later that evening saying she was worried and should she come out of work to come up. I again gave her the option. Sunday evening she called to say goodnight to the children and gave me a torrent of abuse on the phone whilst the children were with me saying I didn't give her to option to come to sit with other two children nor be at the hospital. Clearly my children heard all this before I terminated the call after telling her I wasn't going to be spoken to like this especially in front of our children.

 

She was a ten minute walk away from my house on Tuesday sorting out her new house when she told me she'd seen me as she was waiting by the bus stop. My thoughts are "She knew our child had been and is poorly but didn't offer to come and visit to see how he was. No instead she got a bus that goes past the end of my road to go back where she was going

 

By the time we go back to court next month it'll have been 8 weeks the children have lived with me full time and feedback from neighbours, friends, family is that I'm doing really well which is keeping me going. I'm just scared that she could walk into the courtroom and take our children back off me for half of the week when clearly she's had no more than 8 hours with them since she walked out of the door 23/8

[honeybee13]

Are you keeping the diary that was suggested, Morphster? What you're saying is all stuff that would support your case.

 

HB

[mikeymack2002]

It looks like you are keeping great records, but to be honest I would refrain from posting this on the forum, this is just in case your ex gets to read what is going on in your life as well as the children's. The fact you have kept her informed at the appropriate times the you have done the right thing.

 

 

The information I gave you earlier in your thread was to give you children a diary for them to write in have you done this? You should never influence what they write but ask them to write down how they feel, this really is a must for you/them as it could help you when you eventually go to Court. Family law is very complex and having diaries for everything is the best advice you will get. Don't forget to get the children to write to mum often scan copy and print these out as well, these can be added to your Court bundles if and when they are needed...

 

 

If you need specific advice then please do so very loosely and not too much detail due to the ex possibly reading your thread which will give her much need ammunition, I.E. taking advice on a free forum, and not legal advice from a professional, we will always help you where we can but please do consider what you post on here in the future, keep it short sweet and only what is necessary ok?..

[unclebulgaria67]

Sensible advice. Using CAG as a diary might not be wise, beyond very general issues and to seek advice from those that have gone through this.

 

A thought came to mind, that she is looking for another house, as perhaps this other chap has problems with his own children not wanting her living there. Also if she wants joint arrangements with you, then she would need to sort out appropriate accommodation.

 

You sound like you are being quite reasonable, given what has happened, but would be wise not to say things to the children which affect their relationship with their mother. A relative of mine was left raising two children, when their wife walked out. Since then, one spoke to the mother after about 20 years and the other did not speak to them at all. The ex wife later died, with one of her children not having any contact for decades.