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First of all apologies if this is the wrong forum, I'm sure someone will irect me to the correct one if it is.


Myself and my wife worked for a Homeless charity,

I took voluntary redundancy in 2013 after a few run ins with the managers which were successfuly challenged with help from caggers.


Recently I have hit a very lowpoint in my life.

I lost my dog in April which left me devastated,

I also suffer from Osteoradionecrosis to my jaw which has caused me immense pain (had surgery a week ago and is now much better)

I also suffer from Cluster Headaches.

On top of all this my wife left me for someone else last month.


My problem is,

I phone a close friend (who works for the same homeless charity) for some support at a particular low point

only to be told that he had been threatened by said charity that any contact with me could lead to his dismissal.

I contacted another friend who works for the same charity to be given the same answer.


It transpires that the chap my wife has gone off with was a service user of the charity.

I had suspicions but nothing concrete.

No one from the charity has ever contacted me re said chap.

My suspicions were only confirmed by the "ban" on my friends from contacting me.


HAve they been discussing my private life in staff meetings?


My wife left suddenly last month and was given "Gardeners leave" and has since starte a new job in the care industry.


Should I have been contacted re the "Ban".

If I knew there was some sort of investigation I would not have contacted any staff from there as I know their bullying style of management.


Can they do this?



I really nee the support of my friends at present and am feeling totally alienated,

I worked there for nearly 10 years.

Many Thanks

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They cant do anything to you so they have threatened your ex-colleagues with brimstone and fire because they have got a bit of a problem for themselves regarding the relationship between one of their employees and a customer and this just happens to be your wife. Your friends wont be allowed to discuss anything about the matter with you for confidentiality/data protection reasons so the employer has gone a little overboard in their interpretaion of maintaining this confidentiality.

I'm soory for your predicament but cant really offer any solutions. The charity clearly doesnt want to become a laughing stock and there is nothing you can say to them that will make them rethink their stance. How did you meet your friends previously? In the pub, on a golf course or similar pubic places or privately over dinner? If the former then there is nothing to stop you from continuing to frequesnt these places and bumping into them. It would be a very paranoid employer who took action because their employees continued to do what they always did in public. Just be aware of boundaries for topis of conversation though

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I am well aware of client confidentiality, I would never ask for nor would my friends ever give me any information about the chap in question. Its the fact my confidentiality appears to have been breeched, many of my ex colleagues never knew my wife and I had split up, hence can they discuss my private life in a staff meeting, I understand they could tell staff if they do meet me that the aformentioned chap is a discussion out of bounds and I respect that. But if they are using Protection of vulnerable adults, are they right in giving my wife a reference without disclosing her breech of trust.


Thanks for the reply ericsbrother

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Problem is the veto would include discussing your wife and your own predicament which would make any conversation beginning "how are you" a little awkward. I cannot comment on any reference given to your estranged wife or staffroom chat and would advise you not to go digging in that muck heap either unless you have some stong evidence of wrongdoing to take to the charity trustees.

Charities do a lot of good but they often make terrible employers or neighbours. Try and bump into your old friends at their local haunts and seek a solution of your marital problems that avoids discussiong any of the work related difficulties.

All a bit generic and anodyne I'M afraid but it is the best I can offer. Seek pleasure in a new activity and meet new people. Not easy at first but one problem with seeing the same circle would be that conversation would begin to wilt when avoiding the elephant in the room

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