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Les Graham

Hello and need help please.

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Hello,

How very sad, deepest condolences to all the family. Tell them to stay strong, I know that is tough, but it is the only way through.

 

My advice, for what it is worth is based on personal experience. My second husband took his own life leaving me with lots of debt, a house, mortgage, 5 children. That was nearly 18 years ago.

 

I had so many debt collectors chasing me, from BT for a huge phone bill he'd clocked up, and more. I was in a bad way for a while, and had absolutely no family support. So, I got a book and started to make lists. I figured if I managed to do just one thing on the list each day I was doing well, if I managed two I was amazing.

 

I stopped paying the mortgage straight away. I paid none of the bills or debts. I drafted a letter and sent it out to all of them, worded a little differently depending on the situation, but quite basic. I asked every one of my creditors to right the debt off as my husband had died. If you don't ask, you don't get. Most of them did. It was a tricky time though because emotions go all over the place and you're just grieving the loss so badly it's really hard to focus.

 

To be clear, I offered them nothing. I asked for the debt to be written off with my husband as he had died.

 

The mortgage took a while to get sorted, the longest perhaps. Still, I paid them nothing and waited. Eventually, the mortgage was cleared from his (our) joint life insurance policy. It is my understanding that you HAVE to have life insurance if you have a mortgage for times just as this. So write to them and wait.

 

I wish everyone all the best and if I can help in any way, or you have any questions to ask, just ask, I will do my best to help.

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most certainly totally ignore for now

ALL the debts in HIS NAME ALONE

like card loans etc.

they are very low priority

if they have ANY priority at all


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most certainly totally ignore for now

ALL the debts in HIS NAME ALONE

like card loans etc.

they are very low priority

if they have ANY priority at all

 

I agree, but from my experience... even debts that are joint can be queried. I did just that and got a hugs (huge not hugs, flipping auto correct) BT bill wiped, to give just one example. It was around £400. BT took it that the debt died with him. It did take a while, it certainly was not instant and it does take nerve to sit it out. Every one of our debts, joint and just in his name were wiped clear when he died.

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Thank you so much everyone so far both for your good wishes and your help. I have sent Les' Daughter a link to this thread and she can decide whether to let her Mum and Uncle see it and hopefully she/they will join to give first hand details.

 

Word-Soup you really are a star :-)

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[quote name=

Word-Soup you really are a star :-)[/quote]

 

Oh hun, my life has crashed and burnt that many times. The last thing I expected was to be widowed weeks after my youngest son's 4th birthday. He's 22 today in fact, wow. Back then my 2nd hubby took his own life, he was only 37 years old. It was such a tough time.

 

Make a list, be kind to yourself, don't overdo it. Do what you can, leave what you can't.

 

Get a standard straight forward letter typed, printed, photocopied if you like with the address blank so it can be written in, change the address for each one and send it out. KEEP A RECORD of all the letters sent.

 

As his wife this lady should NOT be held liable for anything even if it is in joint names. I can tell you it will take time, she will need to send the letters and sit it out. They can't chase her, well they could, but believe me they won't, they didn't chase me. If they do they are a disgrace.

 

She should go to the GP if she can and just get it on record how she's feeling. In case needed for future reference, but only for that.

 

Honestly, I paid no one. No one had a penny and he left me a LOT of debt, some in joint names. Bank loans, credit cards, big bills, utility bills you name it. It all got written off. I don't think I have a copy of the letter I sent out any longer, it was a long time ago now.

 

My mortgage repayments weren't that big, but I stopped paying it anyway. I sat with gritted teeth waiting for them to decide IF they would pay out on the insurance as it was suicide, they might not have. They did, but it took time. There won't be any issue like that here.

 

Tell them not to stress over any of it. The people they will be dealing with have jobs, have families and won't reallly consider it a problem, most of the debts will be either to big businesses or banks who can take the loss. Sit tight. It's important they take care of one another with kindness... remember people matter, loved ones matter, none of this material stuff really matters. Sorry if that sounds odd, but it is how I feel. Problems come and go, we solve them, another problem pops up.

 

If you need to ask me anything at all, feel free.

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You are onehelluvawoman word-soup. I really hope you have found some happiness in your life since (apart from your children who I'm sure kept you going). I mean happiness and peace just for you :-)

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Thank you Chainey. It's been tough. I decided to go bankrupt last year. Finally. I have just been discharged as of 20th March 2016, a good feeling.

 

All my kids are grown up now and okay, that means more to me than anything. My youngest has a few health problems, but will be okay, learning to live with it.

 

As for me, ah... marriages, divorce, widowed, homelessness, you name it it's happened. I had a breakdown working for a bank which left me in debt, it was tough as I was bringing up my children on my own, but hey ho... people matter, stuff doesn't.

 

Still single, happy bumbling away working as an artist now, no money, but who cares. Bought a really old van before I went bankrupt and am currently renovating it, using it as a camper - kind of. I go away in it when I can afford to, which is not as often as I'd like. Life is okay, not perfect, but is it ever? Happy days.

 

Take care now, peace & love (old hippy at heart)

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It is with great sadness that I am updating this thread and asking for help and advice.

 

My good friend Les died suddenly of a heart attack last week. leaving his wife and daughter traumatised and his wife with no income, no insurance and the balance on the mortgage to pay (as it was joint.)

 

I have been speaking to his daughter who is desperately trying to hold things together and look after 4 children and her Mum, who as Les said has been suffering with serious depression for years. The first advice I gave her was to get get herself and her Mum to the GP and then to the CAB to see what benefits her Mum may be entitled to and to try to get her into the mental health system in order to get some support.

 

Her Mums kneejerk reaction is to sell everything as quickly as possible including the house. Her Mums brother has spoken to the mortgage company and bought them 3 months but I'm sure this could be extended.

 

Les' daughter is beside herself with grief and the thought of selling the house after her Dad literally worked himself to death to try and keep it isn't helping.

 

My thought was this but I don't know if it's possible/legal etc:

 

The Brother has a good job and could, I imagine, get a buy to let mortgage. Could her Mum sell the house to either her brother or someone else for just the outstanding amount which I understand to be in the region of £40k.

 

Once in the benefits system could she then rent the house from the buyer with housing benefit paying the rent to cover the mortgage, at least for the time she is on benefits? Who knows what's in the future.

 

My own thoughts are that say the mortgage term was 5 years. After 5 years the Brother (or other investor) could gift the house to his daughter and allow his wife to continue to live there for as long as she wanted.

 

This would also leave plenty of time for Les' personal and business assets, which are few and mostly sentimental to be kept or sold.

 

As far as I know his few other debts were all unsecured and in his name only (things like credit card debts etc)

 

Any comments or advice would be really appreciated. It really would be a crying shame for the family to lose the house after Les tried so hard and for so long to keep it.

 

Thanks very much.

 

mortgageicon interest payments are available via the benefits listed above, they were reduced from 6% to 3% maximum after the 2008 credit crunch.

The most important thing here is to get to CAB to get a qualifying benefit claim moving, i say that knowing that you are currently pre occupied with grief and my heart goes out to you, but sadly, your motgage company will care little other than getting the payments from you.

Once claimed, it can and probably will take upto 16 weeks but will get backdated to the claim date. This happened with me when i had to give up work to care for my disabled son after divorceicon.

 

Keep the mortgageicon lender in the loop and updated regularly about progress of the claim, it didnt stop my mortgage co trying to repossess tho in the meantime.

 

I dont wish to be the prophet of doom i just want you to have all the facts in advance as DWP will have you jumping through fire burning hoops.

 

I ended up with 2.5k arrears whilst waiting but when it was eventually sorted out i received the backdated amount which just cleared the arrears, i then had to top up the MI payments with other income.

 

So sorry to repeat this but i cant stress enough how important it is to get the ball rolling with it now, even while you grieve this sad loss.

 

My best

 

Martin


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I am not legally trained or qualified, any advice i offer is gleaned from experience and general knowledge, if you are still unsure after receiving advice please seek legal advice.

 

 

 

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DWP were very good with me when my husband died. Just contact them directly, no offence Martin but it is a different ball game entirely when you lose your husband through bereavement.

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DWP were very good with me when my husband died. Just contact them directly, no offence Martin but it is a different ball game entirely when you lose your husband through bereavement.

 

I accept that its a different situation here but the process for claiming will remain the same


PLEASE HELP US TO KEEP THIS SITE RUNNING

EVERY POUND DONATED WILL HELP US TO KEEP HELPING OTHERS

 

 

I am not legally trained or qualified, any advice i offer is gleaned from experience and general knowledge, if you are still unsure after receiving advice please seek legal advice.

 

 

 

GEMHL Settled

Barclaycard Settled

A & L SETTLED IN FULL :lol:

Spml Reluctantly withdrawn

Blackhorse pre 31-7-06 Demand removal sent 23 8 06. ICO ordered removal jan 2007....REMOVED:lol:

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