It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one !

[citizenB]

After every flight, Qantas pilots complete a form called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and the pilots then review the Gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that the ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (S)

 

Apparently Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.

 

 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Unable to reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.... (my favourite this one)

S: Aircraft warned, straighten up, fly right and .... be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last..

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Sparks_]